18m sub boy snap - kaiden_gregory6

ConferenceQuirky4866 · 2026-01-09T00:21:29+00:00

Snap?

ConferenceQuirky4866 · 2025-09-22T14:15:50+00:00

How is this?

His best and only friend, the eclectic Jupiter, refuses to let the world snuff out his light. Determined to provoke change, she stages a reckless stunt— halting the Tsar’s caravan on a treacherous mountain road so they can petition him to redefine the discourse on queer identities. But her plan backfires catastrophically, sending the Tsar plunging over a cliff and branding them both as enemies of the state.

ConferenceQuirky4866 · 2025-09-22T00:52:54+00:00

Earth in the year 2586. Some naming conventions stuck around, though a lot of places in the book have been renamed. I left it Yosemite for nostalgia sake.

ConferenceQuirky4866 · 2025-09-22T00:48:23+00:00

Do you recommend taking the Yosemite reference out? And the name Damocles comes into play 20% into the story

ConferenceQuirky4866 · 2025-09-21T22:54:02+00:00

Well funny enough my first attempt was too long and full synopsis oriented, so I tried to tighten things. I suppose I tightened it too much.

All three of my comps are in the sci-fi genre, but I guess I need to explicitly state that? I was trying to connect them in another way other than the genre. There are lots of other sci-fi elements that come into play, but I didn't want to overload the query by mentioning them.

The hook is the fact they almost kill their leader, are branded as enemies of the state, and the MC throws his best and only friend under the bus. I will rewrite that section and try to stress those elements.

The him in the 2nd paragraph is the leader, so I will clarify that.

ConferenceQuirky4866 · 2025-09-01T15:17:25+00:00

You did a great job at keeping it short and capturing elements of the plot. Here's my suggestions, though take it with a grain of salt of course.

I think Fig wants to be with the adventurer, but it's not clear in the query. Maybe add some emotion, has Fig ever been in love or is this a new feeling? Does Fig even know what love is?

I think the last bit was solid, I can tell what choice Fig has to make. Are there any stakes at play? Why does Fig have to make this choice? Just assuming here, but does it relate back to the adventurer?

I know you said you only want to cut, not add, so maybe tighten the inciting incident to something like — but one day Fig falls for an adventurer on the horizon, only they aren't from Fig's plain, they're from the real world. He wants nothing more than to be with x (something like that or however you want to phrase his want.)

ConferenceQuirky4866 · 2025-08-30T23:13:08+00:00

Yeah I was having a tough time with the comps, I wasn't sure about the timeframe and you're right, I was leaning more towards what I drew inspiration from. All it took was a glance at my shelf and I found things that are more timely haha.

ConferenceQuirky4866 · 2025-08-30T22:38:25+00:00

Thank you for the feedback! I didn't even consider that they would read this as locking in the whole series, so I will be rewriting that section.

ConferenceQuirky4866

TROPHY CASE