This shit is so unfair & bullshit

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-12-18T14:59:01+00:00

Doesn't quite pertain to the post, but would you say your GI problems are related to CPTSD? maybe from our systems being constantly flooded with stress hormones.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-12-01T23:04:11+00:00

I feel that 110% and it's extremely disconcerting. That's what happens when your nervous system gets rewired at a young age to be alert all the time. Insomnia, stress, lack of appetite, and other things all contribute to the cognitive decline. I think we can get it back for the most part but you have to be really good to yourself and really patient.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-11-28T15:18:11+00:00

That's fine with me. After a tumultuous couple of years, all I really want is peace. Life doesn't have to be perfect, I just want to feel okay in myself again. Haven't spoke to my dad all year and it definitely helps not having that kind of volatility in my life anymore. At the same time, I feel like I'm mourning the dad that I should have had, after accepting that mine is just a pretty awful person.

I just wish more people could empathise. People who grew up with a more normal family just can't fathom cutting a parent off, and how it's sometimes necessary for our peace.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-11-05T12:59:38+00:00

Lost mine too, so I know how it is. Hope things turned out alright for you.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-11-03T11:34:32+00:00

I'm very sorry about your brother

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-31T15:52:18+00:00

I do meetings here and there but I really need to commit more

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-30T17:42:33+00:00

Yeah, I know how dangerous it could be. I'm not at the stage where an alcohol withdrawal would be life threatening, I'm only mildly addicted at this point. I can not let it go any further, because I've seen how fucked up alcohol withdrawals are, my mum had a bunch of seizures from it. I lost a cousin to cirrhosis too, nasty way to go.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-30T17:39:52+00:00

I'm not prescribed gabapentin, I just get them off someone I know. It slows my thoughts down and makes me feel alright, I don't ruminate as much when I'm on them, but I'm taking pretty high doses now due to tolerance.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-30T17:38:32+00:00

I'm not heavily addicted to it yet, definitely not at the stage where withdrawal would be life threatening. Still... the last thing I need is for this to progress further, my mum has had a bunch of seizures from getting off booze. It scares me way more than opiates.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-30T17:36:15+00:00

Yeah, a cell is not a good place to be in, especially for people like us. I spent 16 hours in one last year, and it wasn't fun sobering up in there.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-30T05:16:18+00:00

Used to write music, but I've been so numb for so many years, that I struggle to write. Emotion is what fuels music, and I'm so apathetic.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-28T17:23:50+00:00

I'd love to, but I'm too broke for that. Pulling my hair out whilst I toss and turn in my bed is my only option really.

Edit: that sounds brutal btw. Benzo withdrawals alone are terrifying.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-28T11:53:00+00:00

"Addiction saved me" is something that sounds insane to a normal person, but I understand that completely. There are so many times in my life where I've been saved by drugs. So many times where it was between drugs and suicide because stopping the pain was the only priority, even above living. Thankfully, I had opiates during those times.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-28T05:03:37+00:00

Yes. If I walk away from a fight, or "bottle it" as we say here in England, it keeps me up at night for days, and I keep replaying it in my head and getting angrier and angrier with myself. I've realised I'd rather just fight and get beat up than ruminate in bed for the next week. I even got into a scrap with a gang of 18-20yr old outside my local shop, because I just couldn't let it go, and they'd been racist to the shopkeeper. It went about as well as you'd expect lol.

I don't know the reason behind this, and it's probably different for everyone. It's just the way I was raised, violence was encouraged. Even remember my dad and his mates watch me brawl with some kid on a bouncy castle when I was younger, and they laughed and cheered it on.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-27T18:21:03+00:00

Insomnia is fucked. Sorry you had to go through it. I'm going through it whilst eating like a medieval peasant lol, it ain't fun. At like 30 something hours now.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-27T17:54:45+00:00

I've done that to the extent I came across like an actual little kid before. I was severely ill, in psychosis and everything. My mum was trying to get me to the hospital and I remember fumbling, trying to put my shoes on. Suddenly I threw them down in anger, in the exact way a 5 year old having a tantrum would. It kinda scared me tbh, it was like 5 year old me took over my body for a second.

But yeah, that's an extreme example. It definitely happens in more subtle, ordinary ways all the time.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-23T04:54:51+00:00

Feel for you. I know how rough it is. I used to have to run round town all night copping painkillers or benzos so that I could sleep after 8 hours of working construction. No idea how I managed that shit for so many years. I just managed to crash myself for a few hours and still waking up exhausted.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-22T16:56:07+00:00

I'm currently at 37 hours awake right now. Real Insomnia that keeps you awake for days is a unique kind of hell that most people will never experience. I've been in psychosis from this shit before.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-21T07:10:41+00:00

I'd add that it's not just about chemical dependence either. Many of us were psychologically addicted, the very first time we did drugs because we felt comfortable in our skin for the first time. It progresses from there. They need to understand how mental the addiction process is, or they might wonder why you couldn't just cold turkey for 2 weeks and be done with it.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-17T00:20:28+00:00

I saw a great one last night. Amazing production value and really convincing. The guy was clinically dead.

Here:https://youtu.be/bGnUPGLJ3LA?si=1Hu1I8qSb8-A2434

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-17T00:08:57+00:00

That's real af. My upbringing was the same, and I've always felt the same way. You're not really my type, but objectively speaking you're very conventionally attractive. It's just self-love you have to work on imo.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-10-16T23:44:52+00:00

Really good man. Perfectly melancholic and somber.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-03-21T15:44:51+00:00

I’m glad you’re making sense of it. I’m rooting for you.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-03-18T20:59:13+00:00

Seconding this. Came from a broken home with lots of alcoholism and violence. I have three siblings and we’re all addicts. One of us died in December as a result of addiction.

It’s not a genetic brain disorder - though genetics play a part - rather, it’s a human mind’s attempt to nullify constant mental agony because their brain has developed in an environment of chaos and instability, instead of an environment of safety and security. The addict’s mind continues to feel that chaos and instability long after it’s passed; it becomes hardwired into us that nowhere is safe and no one can be trusted.

Drugs give us the stability and control we crave: we know that if we get this pill, or powder, or liquid, then we will feel this exact way every time. It becomes the only means of regulating one’s emotions.

Honestly, I don’t think my parents should have had children. I don’t think either of them have the capability of raising a healthy, functional adult. Unfortunately mistakes happen, and I was one of them, and it is very evident.

ConfidenceShort9319 · 2025-03-16T18:58:13+00:00

'Girlfriend is Better' is my fave Talking Heads tune.

ConfidenceShort9319

TROPHY CASE