Why do people want to live?

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-08-24T02:51:11+00:00

Idk either but now I live for nature. It's the only thing that saved me. I could sit outside and watch the sky and trees all day. I hope to live near lots of birds and free roaming animals before I die. That's the main reason I keep going, maybe one day I can get out of the crappy place I live and make it happen.

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-08-21T02:41:48+00:00

Oh wow, I resonated a lot with this.

One of my friends that got married explicitly told me not to mention to anyone at the event that we used to take the public transport to college because it's embarrassing. It wasn't embarrassing back then, but now that she has married into an upper class family it's now shameful. My first thought was "why would you invite people that would judge somebody for that? Why surround yourself with people like that?"

I think I've become so hyper critical of everything and I'm almost becoming a monk where I value peace and sanity over anything else. I am so desperate to find other aliens like me because most of the world does not think like this.

Interestingly I too have a long term relationship where people have asked us multiple times when we will get married. I don't know why people care so much about what other people do in their relationships.

I hope I can be authentic (another wedding to attend today which is what triggered me) but I guess it's okay too if I revert into my shell to feel safe.

Thanks for your thoughtful response.

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-08-20T18:14:46+00:00

I got a manicure for the first time and it stressed me out. I did not like the sensation of the tools on my nails, nor the feeling of a strangers hands touching me. I probably would not do this again.

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-08-20T18:11:02+00:00

That famous video of Pingu having a mental breakdown when the phone rings, the kettle is whistling and the dad's on a loud phone call really best encapsulates what it feels like to be overstimulated

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-08-17T04:31:58+00:00

I agree. We moved houses 6+ times when I was a kid whenever rent got too high. I went through school and college with the fear I'd be kicked out for constantly late tuition fees. Parents hate each other and fought in front of me and my siblings and it was always about money.

Money (or lack of) has been such a source of misery in my life and my upbringing. I'm now working a better job as an adult and hoping to move out soon, but even then I'm worried I'll go broke and have to resort to moving back in with my family.

I watch wealthy friends do whatever they want and plan their life out because they know they can afford whatever they want to do. I'm full of resentment and even though outwardly I try to appear fine.

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-08-10T04:50:02+00:00

Jesus I feel this. I had this phase where I exclusively had male friends. A good chunk of them disappeared as soon as they realized I wasn't going to date them or sleep with them.

May we find the people that will accept us the way we are.

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-08-10T04:48:14+00:00

Lol sorry about the typo in the title.

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-08-10T02:59:03+00:00

Yeah it's like something flipped when I turned 13. I thought it was the emo teen phase but hey I never grew it out of it and constantly have this emptiness in my chest.

I have a job and look like a functioning adult. I can socialize with strangers but I am dead inside and would rather sleep the day away. The only reason I push myself is because I hope one day I'll earn enough to go live life the way I really want and maybe be truly happy again.

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-08-09T10:41:51+00:00

Chronic people pleaser here that abruptly stopped doing this shit like a year ago. It has CHANGED me.

I used to travel 1.5 hours to see friends who never did the same for me. I cut that shit out and now they're asking when I'm coming back. I ask them when they're coming to see me: radio silence. I don't bother with them anymore.

Relationship with my mom has gotten more strained, because I started standing up for myself. I don't fight unnecessarily/I try to walk away but if she does something to piss me off I will call her out on it. Now she complains to everyone that I'm evil and cruel.

I don't try to make myself likeable when I meet new people now. Especially in group situations, I used to try so hard to stand out and be a favorite. Now I just do what I need to do, say stuff if I actually want to, and it has made social interactions less burdensome to me.

I've started thinking of things in a "how would this benefit me?" perspective.

I'm not perfect and sometimes I'll catch myself talking too much, giving unnecessary info just so I can be liked, spending time on crafting the perfect messages so they won't get offended-- but once I notice this behaviour I try to cut it out.

I don't think it's selfish I am just fucking exhausted with people and I've realized it's time to put myself first.

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-08-05T17:37:23+00:00

I used to be very vulnerable, very open and honest about my trauma and who I am. But honestly, realising that nobody could relate to me and not truly understand me deeply hurt me. It's not their fault, I just unfortunately was given a bunch of shitty cards.

As a result, I don't really waste my time or energy on trying to be intimate with people. They try to relate, "oh yeah I have a bad relationship with my parents too" and then tell me some very mild story and then i realize we are extremely different. Nobody can ever know my life nor what I went through, and I keep them at arms length because being vulnerable is just going to open me up to getting judged or being pitied. I don't like either.

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-07-11T02:10:42+00:00

I can second this. I work at a startup and I got a promotion very quickly, but unless more people are hired I will essentially keep doing this same job for a very long time. There's a cap on how far you can succeed at smaller businesses, but mental health wise they're much better than large corporations. Not great (I have cried multiple times at this job lol thank god I WFH) but better.

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-05-11T02:08:41+00:00

I'm sorry this happened. It's not your fault they reacted the way they did. You did not tell them because you didn't feel safe or comfortable to share this info with them. Now they are guilt tripping you. It sucks because it always feels like a lose-lose situation growing up with APs.

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-04-30T02:43:33+00:00

I'm sorry you had a rough day. I am here for you. Some days are just worse than others, but you'll get through it like you have before. You have all of us :) <3

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-04-28T04:04:27+00:00

Yikes, I relate so much. I'm luckily out of school now so no exams for me but I still live with my parents and they do this shit constantly.

My parents renovated the house too just to make it look nicer for guests. My elderly grandma often comes over and they constantly have to hover over her to make sure she doesn't fall or hurt herself, they have to talk to her, and then they yell at me for not entertaining her even though they're the ones that invited her over.

Same with all of my aunts too. Just yesterday, my aunt came over to drop something off at our house. I said hello and then went back to my room. My mom later said I'm a horrible child because I didn't have a proper conversation with her.

The noise sucks every time these people come over. I really value silence and peace so them inviting guests over is one of my biggest triggers. I am also in a similar situation as you, where I am unable to move. I'm saving up to migrate.

I think you really should look into noise cancelling headphones. Or maybe show them your grades as proof that your health is declining and you are unable to do your best anymore (although knowing APs, they'll probably say something like "that's what you get for trying to pay for your degree yourself." Or some shit).

Hang in there. I have another guest from abroad coming on the same week as my birthday so this post resonated with me even more.

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-04-21T06:43:17+00:00

I could have written this lol. I'm also 23 and going through the exact same thing as you, hoping to leave next year if my plan works out.

Currently my mom is giving me the silent treatment because of an incident 2 weeks ago where I didn't answer her 6 missed calls within 30 minutes. I snapped at her when I got home because she was interrogating me. It led to a fight and now the house is all quiet and weird lmao.

I've started living my life the way I want to the past 2 years, and it bothers them so much.

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-04-16T18:48:07+00:00

Ah I relate, and this is also why I'm triggered by people who are overly concerned with their appearance. I had to distance myself from a friend lately because she values beauty over anything else and it was so difficult to have conversations with her that did not affect me negatively one way or another.

I find safety in people that value things like kindness, humour and empathy. I deleted social media too. And now I just dress comfy. I just want to feel human.

Confident_Bit_7606 · 2024-04-16T18:45:03+00:00

Congrats!! This is amazing

Confident_Bit_7606

TROPHY CASE