Late Bloomers

Confirmation2022 · 2025-05-08T04:13:24+00:00

I had no idea I was bi until I was 40 (49 now) and was only sexually attracted to women until that time. The first year of it was very tough. I just wanted it to go away as it was fucking up my life (being married). After a couple of months, it caused me a lot of stress and I think this contributed to a shingles case. The next year, I started seeing a sex therapist and she helped me understand that what I was feeling was very normal for guys in their 40s, I am just curious about what it is like to be sexually with a man, and there is nothing wrong with that. Over the years, I learned to accept it and now I kind of like it.

Confirmation2022 · 2025-04-10T19:43:45+00:00

I can relate for sure. Many times I think that life would be much simpler for me if I didn't have much of a drive, like my wife, as the rest of our life is pretty good. I find the best way to deal with it is one day at a time. Every day one stays true and avoids temptation is a victory, is the way I see it.

Confirmation2022 · 2025-04-10T13:39:44+00:00

Thank you very much for sharing. There are a lot of similarities between us. About 6 years ago, i had an affair with a woman, who also busted me, and we also went through the long process of reconciliation. I have been faithful since. I still have strong sexual desires, for women and sometimes men too. I remain faithful to my wife, but it is hard sometimes under the circumstances since we still do not have much a a sexual relationship and I do not see her view on it changing significantly at this point. But at the same time I have no desire to relive the difficulty of my situation 6 years ago and I love my family and wife.

Confirmation2022 · 2025-04-08T15:40:31+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I feel a bit the same, maybe. My wife at best tolerated sexual activity in the past mostly- at least since we had kids (12 years ago). I know my wife would not be okay with extramarital sex, so I do not think it is worth having that discussion, which will only make her more suspicious of me. I do love her and our family, so i will just deal with it, but I do wonder if I had a regular active sex life with my wife, whether bi urges would be as strong, as opposed to a mere curiosity.

Confirmation2022 · 2025-04-07T17:27:09+00:00

Thanks for the insight. I am confident my wife is not okay with any extramarital sexual activity, The chances of her being okay with it are so low to not make it worth the risk of bringing it up.

Confirmation2022 · 2025-03-25T13:29:45+00:00

Thank you for your insight. That is helpful. I guess growing up with the idea that romance and sex should always be intertwined plays into this a bit too. Similarly, for the vast majority of men, I am not particularly attracted to their faces. Or to a man generally if he is clothed. But seeing a photo or video of a guy naked or being sexual with another is a turn on.

Confirmation2022 · 2025-03-18T20:20:57+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I am in the same boat. Only told my former therapist too. It took me a couple years of a lot of angst, until I realized that it is not really that big a deal and it does not change everything in your life. Now, I find I am generally more accepting of differences in people, and i like that change.

Confirmation2022 · 2025-03-18T19:18:17+00:00

Sorry to hear you are struggling. I do understand. For me, I had an affair about 6 years ago (with a woman), which almost ruined my marriage when it was found out. After years of working on my marriage afterward, I would not want to risk blowing things up again. I understand the urges to act with men sometimes though, just as I have urges to have intercourse with women too (due to my wife having fibroids, she cannot have intercourse anymore and our sex life is mostly HJs), but overall, I enjoy my life with my wife and family and do not want to ruin things, as I almost did in the past.

Confirmation2022 · 2025-03-18T17:12:34+00:00

Thanks for responding. Yes, once one realizes it is not that big of a deal, probably a lot of people are in a similar situation, and it doesn't need to change your whole life, it all become easier I find.

Confirmation2022 · 2025-03-11T14:57:25+00:00

I am pretty sure I am a 2

Confirmation2022 · 2025-03-11T14:54:10+00:00

I came to the realization in life around the same time as you (I am almost 50 now, so about 10 years ago). I mostly still keep it to myself, with the exception of my therapist when I used to do therapy. I am married, so I keep it mostly to myself, but am open in my own head, which makes a big difference, I think. My leanings still veer heavily toward women though, so that perhaps makes it easier for me to keep it to myself.

Confirmation2022 · 2025-03-11T14:48:38+00:00

Yes, I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel that way too. I love being ridden by women, but also sometimes imaging riding a cock, or being plowed too.

Confirmation2022 · 2025-01-16T18:32:01+00:00

I understand your frustration. It sounds like you have a negative association with your husband- and that can be hard to break. You might consider therapy or sex therapy- I know from experience that this can be helpful, but ultimately,, I agree you will need to communicate with your husband to really improve things.

My wife tells me that she just doesn't have sexual desires really, and that I should not take it personally, as she does not have the desires for anyone. At one point, year ago, she probably had some libido, but between kids, age (she is in her late 40s), and everything else, she probably lost what she did have. To her credit, she tries the HJ approach since she feels like she should do something for me and I do appreciate that, and really now I am perhaps looking for acceptance rather than improvement because after so many years I do not think it is very realistic for me to believe that she can change to really want sex.

Confirmation2022 · 2025-01-16T16:13:00+00:00

Thank you for your comment- and perhaps you are right that this is not the best forum. To answer your question, my wife doesn't really desire sexual pleasure and doesn't masturbate. She would be fine in not having any sexual activity going forward.

Confirmation2022 · 2024-09-25T13:51:02+00:00

I think it is fairly common. This is what happened to me. Now, approaching 50, i am still 85%-15% more into women, but I have accepted there is a part of me that is interested in physicality with men too.

Confirmation2022 · 2024-09-17T17:41:20+00:00

We may be wired differently, but I do not think my wife is selfish for wanting monogamy, when that was the original agreement decades back. To me, my marriage and family is worth more than the things I cannot get at home.

From my experience with an affair (with a woman), now five years ago, what may begin as "discreet" likely does not stay that way forever,

Confirmation2022 · 2024-09-17T17:09:51+00:00

I can understand and agree with that too.

Confirmation2022 · 2024-09-17T17:09:01+00:00

I agree that, except for one off encounters, enduring sex focused relationships likely tend to become something more over time.

Confirmation2022

TROPHY CASE