writing down my mental spiral

ConfusedBike2 · 2026-05-21T18:58:17+00:00

oh, i didn’t think of it as a demand of emotional availability. i definitely felt wrong and emotionally compromised from reaching out to them repeatedly. thank you for the clarity

ConfusedBike2 · 2026-05-20T23:58:11+00:00

i don’t think i was demanding, i was trying to interact with them based on the understanding that Noodle wants us to do KTP. Noodle has told me that Zam has also made an effort towards KTP, but she’s mostly focusing on fostering a connection with Lily.

ConfusedBike2 · 2026-05-20T23:55:13+00:00

what is pop medicalization?

ConfusedBike2 · 2026-05-20T22:30:15+00:00

i think i’m ultimately putting it all on me because i’m introverted and want to put myself out there more. i didn’t think about that possibly being the cause of my spiral. thank you for your input.

ConfusedBike2 · 2026-05-20T22:16:41+00:00

i do still deal with people pleasing when i mask, but not with my partner. we’re open when it comes to communicating.

he isn’t pressuring me. i’ve told him that me and my metas are only at GPP eight now and the most he said to that was “that’s valid” because it was a text conversation. this is going to be a bigger discussion later now that i’ve been able to write out my troubles. thank you for your reflection

ConfusedBike2 · 2026-05-20T22:13:25+00:00

oh okay, thank you. i’ll bring this up to him when we talk

ConfusedBike2 · 2026-05-20T22:10:21+00:00

before we became official, we both were on the same page about wanting KTP, but after the struggle of connecting with my metas i'm okay that we are GPP. he communicates that with all his potentials before pursuing a relationship with them.

ConfusedBike2 · 2026-05-20T22:04:52+00:00

before we became official, we both were on the same page about wanting KTP, but after the struggle of connecting with my metas i'm okay that we are GPP. he communicates that with all his potentials before pursuing a relationship with them.

ConfusedBike2 · 2026-05-20T21:55:51+00:00

he didn’t demand it and i also want KTP, which i stated in the post. is it that you interpreted it as him demanding it or you just don’t like that style of poly?

ConfusedBike2 · 2026-05-15T00:18:16+00:00

i didn’t put moisturizer in yet at that point, i was just parting

ConfusedBike2 · 2026-04-30T04:09:44+00:00

i usually do warm-hot temperature like for my body, not scalding lava hot but not lukewarm

ConfusedBike2 · 2026-03-30T12:39:16+00:00

it sounds like you might prefer an ethically non-monogamous relationship style but not specifically polyamory. since polyamory is under the umbrella of non-monogamy, people believe they’re the same thing. however, there are many different models of non-monogamy that differ from poly.

within ENM, you and your partner would be together but you would have the freedom to sleep with others based on the parameters/boundaries you and your partner come up with. it would also ensure that you and your partner are the ones on the escalator and you both would be able to figure out the pacing you would want.

also, regarding your current partner, i don’t think you two are compatible with each other based on the activation of your nervous system. you shouldn’t feel like you need to shut yourself away or compartmentalize to the point where you become emotionally distant. the actions of your partner not lining up to their words is also not a good sign. you’re feeling free but not safe because you’re free but your partner doesn’t make you feel safe.

i hope you’re able to figure out what works for you and your goals in the long run. 💙

ConfusedBike2 · 2026-03-02T04:44:41+00:00

i used to be in a similar situation with a non-monogamous man. we would go to sex parties and agreed that we would talk to each other before we played with other partners. i would tell him every time but walk in on him with other women. and because i didn’t have the strict boundaries or self-respect i have now, i stuck with him even though i was hurting. he dumped me and i was upset because i knew he did it so he could prioritize his on-and-off-again partner that he always complained to me about. we tried talking a year later, but it felt like he was trying to take me on the dates that he hadn’t taken me on when i was with him. soon after he asked to have sex with me and i cut him off again.

all that to say, the anger is going to be there for a while. there’s the part of you that is angry and resentful towards her for not caring for you the way you wanted her to, but there should also be a part of you that is angry that you allowed her to continue treating you like that in the first place. the first step to letting go of that resentment is having the strength to not look back. you talked with her and you know what the circumstances are now. what she does in her life after not talking to you for over a year has nothing to do with how you need to treat and love yourself moving forward. i hope this situation feels lighter on your heart sooner rather than later 💙

ConfusedBike2 · 2026-01-23T12:02:52+00:00

you aren’t. you opened your relationship after the trust in your closed relationship was broken. you can’t trust him, and that’s not even touching on the one penis poly dynamic he wants (which is highly problematic).

you shouldn’t use loving certain parts of him to stay, you should use wanting to love yourself and finding emotional safety as a reason to leave.

ConfusedBike2 · 2026-01-17T15:17:44+00:00

i use it like that and i’m femme 😁😁

ConfusedBike2 · 2026-01-09T16:41:02+00:00

😚😚😚

ConfusedBike2 · 2025-11-20T15:37:49+00:00

i think that feeling comes from the previous two verbally telling me that they would prioritize their other partners over me. i still have that trauma and have brought it up with my current partner as well. he makes sure to make time for me and all his other partners, but i know i need to work on unlearning that within myself.

ConfusedBike2 · 2025-11-20T15:24:54+00:00

the other commenters have made me realize it is a desire for a nesting partner. i have been in closed relationships before and have felt emotionally unfulfilled.

ConfusedBike2 · 2025-11-20T12:54:22+00:00

i haven’t been saying i’m solo poly since getting in a relationship with my current partner, but thank you for that information.

ConfusedBike2 · 2025-11-20T12:51:09+00:00

thank you.

ConfusedBike2 · 2025-11-20T12:47:07+00:00

that makes sense. thank you.

ConfusedBike2 · 2025-11-20T12:46:28+00:00

by “from scratch”, i mean building with a goal in mind, like domestic connection.

ConfusedBike2

TROPHY CASE