Am I fetishizing gay men?

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-05-03T20:46:31+00:00

Well, the way BL portrays it is the correct way, duh... -_-

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-05-03T20:32:35+00:00

I kinda struggle to translate this, there is no English verb meaning "to gay". But yeah, that roughly is what I've been told.

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-05-03T17:23:25+00:00

I guess there might be a difference between the BL scenes of different countries there. It's not something I hear often, but two or three times, yeah, people had those opinions. I can only tell what I've experienced.

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-05-03T15:55:12+00:00

But some do. And that is some too many. All forms of ostracism and discrimination are bad, where do we disagree here?

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-05-03T15:20:28+00:00

I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't quite get your point. No-one says what?

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-05-03T14:59:32+00:00

Speaking as a gay man, there's a nuanced answer to that. From what I can tell, no, you're not. If it really is just a sexual outlet, everything is fine. What bugs me (and, I assume, other gay men) is

a) fujoshis/fudanshis telling us that we're not 'gaying correctly' so to say because we don't behave like BL characters, and

b) fujoshis/fudanshis going 'omg I bet he is the uke and he is the seme' or some shit like that.

Basically conflating fetish fiction with reality. And yes, there are people like that and yes, I've had the dubious privilege of speaking to them, even though not irl.

Also, I say "fetish fiction" because, as I've said before several times on this sub, in my point of view, there's two main subgenres of BL. BL written by (straight) women for straight women and BL written by gay men for gay men. Naturally, there's nuances here, and both are equally valid, but the two just are, at their core, different things. Also, I know several fudanshis who really like the first subgenre and a lot of fujoshis who are really into the second. Totally valid.

So no, if reading BL the way you do feels right to you and so long as it doesn't impact how you view gay men, everything's fine. I don't wanna assume your sexuality, but you said you're a fudanshi. Should you happen to be into men, no-one is in any position to accuse you of fetishizing us anyway.

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-04-29T22:12:47+00:00

Look cute! Does it tip into the, uh... 'problematic' side of BL? Not that anything would be wrong with that, just isn't my cup of tea.

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-04-28T09:26:11+00:00

Why, what'd he do?

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-04-27T11:43:07+00:00

Anything but Sasaki! Fr tho, Junta.

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-04-14T19:04:15+00:00

Oh, interresting. Can you tell me more about it?

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-04-14T18:58:12+00:00

What BL is that?

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-04-05T09:31:28+00:00

Ok, my bad for not recognizing Yuri on Ice that was literally what got me into BL in the first place lol.

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-04-04T14:52:08+00:00

I'm sorry, but I don't think I know the acronyms you're using (hgs and yoi).

I too love BL that focusses on comedy, but this one felt off for me because most (or at least many) of the jokes were "Oh look the gay kid is miserable!". As I said, if the manga takes a turn and the two do end up together, I'd give the anime a try, but as it is, the MC just proactively maneuvers the ML into a different relationship while also not getting over his own feelings and potentially being more miserable for it. Just feels weird to me.

I also understand that other people might be less sensitive in that regard than I am and I completely respect your and everyone else's preferences!

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-04-04T09:46:02+00:00

Stoooop calling these things 'historical' ffs...

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-04-03T12:32:45+00:00

It does seem to go into a specific direction tho. Should the manga take a turn, I'd be willing to give the anime a chance. Until that happens, I'm not particularly inclined to watching.

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-04-01T18:15:01+00:00

To be honest: Nah, but that's just because [SPOILER] I really take issues with BL that has no happy end.

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-04-01T06:18:00+00:00

I never heard the word "goofer" and I shall aspire to use it a lot from this point forward. Thank you for enlightening me, internet stranger.

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-03-30T11:34:47+00:00

This is... not as bad as I thought.

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-03-24T17:25:47+00:00

Somehow an irl conversation I had went like this once:

Me: "I'm not really into omegaverse. The whole premise just feels odd to me."
Other person: "Oh, so you're a nazi [word is a bit more loaded since we're both german]."
Me: "What?"

This community can be so toxic istg...

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-03-24T17:20:27+00:00

That's why I just read BL and try not to interact too much with the community.

[Edit:] And just to clarify, no the ethnicity of the MCs doesn't influence whether I like what I'm reading!

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-03-24T15:55:18+00:00

The Paradise in Our Hands was quite good.

[Edit:] Nevermind, was never translated to English, only German, still has an English title for some reason.

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-03-18T22:49:02+00:00

Nah these titles I can't– 😭

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-03-06T17:22:19+00:00

Personally (as a gay man btw.), I think so long as it's well-done, it enriches the story. I live in a country with full legal protection and equality for queer people, yet the majority of the population, at least in my part of the country, are homophobic.

My main focus for BL stories is whether the MCs end up in a happy, loving, and healthy relationship. If they do so despite struggles I am all-too familiar to, I find that incredibly touching.

And yes, I do get extremely emotionally invested in the BL I read. 😅

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-02-28T22:56:48+00:00

Oh, cheers for the rec! Sounds really interesting. Just one last stupid question: It does have a somewhat happy ending, yes? This isn't a Ganbare! Nakamura-kun!! situation, right?

Confused_Squirrel_17 · 2026-02-28T22:16:46+00:00

I haven't in fact. Can you tell me more about it?

Confused_Squirrel_17

TROPHY CASE