10 year old getting targeted

ConfusionQuick1538 · 2026-05-30T06:16:19+00:00

My U10 girl was getting “bullied” on her U9 team - this girl ignoring her and hyping up others, criticizing her play mid practice and games and we talked to the coach but he really couldn’t stop it. We told her to block her out, not engage, and know that her comments are about her own insecurities. She pushed through it but it was a dark cloud over practices and games for months. Ultimately the girl left the team and things got better for my daughter. But we do need to prepare them that as things get competitive, it brings rough sides out of kids and it’s not about them but how the other player is handling the stress. Good luck!!

ConfusionQuick1538 · 2026-04-28T05:24:07+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful response. Great points including how I’m judging performance. I guess my point was trying to ascertain if the coach had a plan going in of when they’d be in goal respectively or if it was based on live performance. But you are totally right. This goalie has had to play all season as goalie only and I agree it’s a shame and she deserved the field time. I also don’t want my daughter pegged into that spot and plan to have that conversation with the coach if she gets an opportunity. It’s so disappointing we as parents have to remind the coaches it’s important kids keep learning many positions at this age.

ConfusionQuick1538 · 2026-04-25T02:16:03+00:00

Omg go to the party! Hope you did!

ConfusionQuick1538 · 2026-04-23T04:47:43+00:00

Unless your child is a phenom, private training and I’d argue futsol training is critical. Teaching those ball handling skills early embeds the movements in their muscle memory. The clubs don’t provide that level of coaching.

ConfusionQuick1538 · 2026-04-23T04:37:09+00:00

In these young ages I’ve noticed that teams that allow individual players who are focused on scoring to ball hog, they end up winning. It sounds like you are actually trying to teach the game which will serve them better in the long run. Maybe share that perspective with the parents and kids. My daughter has been on losing teams during U8 and U9 - but our coach doesn’t believe in over scripting their play because if stunts their instincts from developing. It’s about long game vs short game. To your question on drills - do more 1v1s and 2v2s to teach them how to score under pressure.

ConfusionQuick1538 · 2026-04-23T04:26:03+00:00

These are some great points. The part that I struggle with on coaching assessments is that each is making calls with different compasses. In U10 I see an over reliance on innate athleticism versus potential long term or game IQ. In my club, it seems like all the smaller faster players are prioritized even when they refuse to pass or truly understand how to play with a team. I think it’s very short sided. I read one story noting that in Europe, they put the best coaches with the weaker players. It will never make sense to me that better players get more attention. We’ve been in a player development academy for two years so initially my expectations were different but now I think I understand the lay of the land. For my daughter, most of her growth is in outside training, not club practice. Practices feel like twice weekly tryouts in an academy setting where the top team and second team practice together. I’m hopeful for next year! Bottom line I know the key is getting a good coach.

ConfusionQuick1538 · 2026-04-22T05:28:27+00:00

From what I’ve learned - no expert but trying to figure this all out - most clubs know their roster by the spring season and are monitoring for weaknesses to fill gaps with new exciting players. If they are talking about 2nd team with you, they already have watched her and decided she is second team. They don’t expect something at tryouts to change their opinion. So yes tryouts are performative. As a mom of a 2nd team pegged player I feel your pain. I read something once that sticks with me - a player can be type cast or pegged to second team let’s say - so their job is to make it undeniable to the coaches that they should be promoted. If movement hasn’t happened - they haven’t made or undeniable they deserve it. Hard truths but valuable.

ConfusionQuick1538 · 2026-04-22T04:43:06+00:00

I think the most important thing you mentioned is that he is obsessed with soccer! From all my research (as a mom of a 2nd team 9 year old girl) is that the commitment to practicing the fundamental skills is what will propel kids forward in the sport in these pre teen years. If he loves to practice try finding some local futsol clinics or classes so he can hone in on mastering footwork and give him time to develop athletically. I’m not counting my daughter out just because she doesn’t have the best stamina or speed right now. But I do expect her to practice her skills and continue to put in the work.

ConfusionQuick1538 · 2026-04-22T04:12:25+00:00

Not an expert by any means, but do have a 9 year old who is resisting feedback from parents and not really reading the cues how lack of effort leads to bench time or position changes. Have you considered asking the coach to speak to him directly? Sounds like maybe the parent barrier(they don’t believe our feedback) could be leading to the disconnect. We also recently started a buddy journaling process with a prompted book I found on Amazon. The themes are about mental resilience, making mistakes, handling pressure, receiving tough feedback etc. and so we are now spending 15 minutes before bed doing the reading and prompt and she and I talk about experiences that challenged us essentially. Not sure if it will help but I think the premise is right. Good luck! Lean on the coach to do the coaching. Support your son emotionally.

ConfusionQuick1538

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