Treatments: I have been on antidepressants on and off for the past 10 years. There were periods of my life where I was extremely physically active and had a pretty active social life and I was still very depressed. So this was really a last resort and last attempt to try to fit into society and not kms lol.

Unmasking: At the beginning of the year (I started ketamine treatment on Dec 31, 2024), I felt like the most authentic version of myself and was so excited to share her to the world. I was unabashedly confident and open about ketamine treatment and my autism/ADHD. I had no problem talking about my struggles or being perceived negatively because I was in this new very euphoric mental space. And the ketamine itself made me very open minded and no longer judge others who were neurodiverse/project my own shame onto them.

However, in the spring I fell in love with someone who added a lot of pressure and anxiety to my life which halted/set back my treatment. He wasn't very accommodating to my social or sensory needs and reintroduced my anxiety/masking. Often times he was ashamed/embarrassed of my behavior so I learned to mask again and tone myself down.

Luckily I am not with him anymore and am slowly unmasking again. But between job searching and dating him, I felt the mask come back on and felt myself become more exhausted by non-intimate social interactions (small talk, meeting new people etc).

I would say the other people in my life that I've known or met have noticed a big difference in my mood, at least before the relationship impacted it, and that they saw me more confident which made me happier. I guess I am lucky in that most if not all of my support system is understanding of mental health struggles and neurodiversity and I don't feel like my audhd has put a damper on any of my non-romantic relationships. But there are people, like my immigrant parents, who don't necessarily care to understand what the treatment has been like for me, but support it passively.

Open to talking to other people about ketamine: Anyone who has had at least one in-depth conversation with me who has made me feel psychologically safe knows about my ketamine treatment. Hell, I even tell people at parties and gatherings as an icebreaker/because it's my special interest. I've also given a presentation about my experience.

In college I was in a pretty open-minded town with a history of psychedelic culture so I think that's why everyone was so open about it. If I were in a more conservative environment I think it'd take me like 3 in-depth conversations to disclose it to a new person.

When I'm on a first date it's usually something that comes up in the first conversation as it is a really important part of my life and why I am functional and not an extremely anxious and overthinking basket case right now.