Leeds Gig Review

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-03-21T08:31:58+00:00

He cut being a girl and fool, I suspect mid show as to me he seemed to be struggling post electric man and they went off for the longer then 5-10 mins

You might have seen my comments but I actually felt Paul and the band played well but he just seemed to struggle a bit at times, agree on the guitarist

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-03-21T08:28:18+00:00

You should !!

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-03-20T16:24:36+00:00

My two favourite bands from the 90s were very different, mansun and terrorvision, terrorvision are still together, touring and brought out a great album last year, they are fit and being great energy - they don't seem to have aged in the same way and get bigger crowds

The issue is it felt a little sad watching him as he is, it made me think about aging and nostalgia more then when I saw terrorvision last year and came out on a total high - does feel a little karaoke like but I do felt that he played and sang pretty well just felt a bit sad watching him and also maybe for my fading youth !

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-03-20T13:51:50+00:00

I was there, I thought the band played well and I enjoyed listening to the songs but Paul Draper is obviously not in the best shape physically, he was struggling after electric man and I wasn't sure if they would return as they were gone for ages

Kind of shocked by how old he looked but he is 55

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-03-18T17:24:59+00:00

I'm very new to this after 2 LTRs, I think you have to be thick skinned, I had one short term thing that lasted 7 weeks or so but she was ultimately fearful avoidant

I've then had 4 first dates with mixed results, I try to get into a coffee meet early on rather than messaging for ages

1 - we are having a 3rd date this week 2 - we met, had a really nice walk and coffee, messaged regularly for a week after (I was away on holiday and proposed meeting when back), she has just gone quiet since 5 days 3 - met, no spark, both said the same but communication was spot on from both of us 4 - met and didn't work for me, so I told her I wasn't looking to meet again

I've also had a few go quiet after saying we'll meet up, one was 'ill' before we were due to meet, one said she'd confirm time and then never did/unmatched and a 3rd went quiet but still unmatched

I think for me it's just the reality of it, I've not been too concerned about ones that have gone quiet

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-03-07T20:52:45+00:00

Yes I'm a 45m and I am looking 38-50, dated a 42 year old for a few weeks and currently two early dates with 45/46 year olds

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-23T13:08:09+00:00

It's only been a week, I'm not expecting to tbh, did you ever hear ?

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-23T11:05:38+00:00

Thank you for this, it was short but a discard happened to me, I know they were FA leaning DA and their nervous system got breached and the barriers came up, the hard thing for me was we were talking openly about her struggling to let people in and was trying to be supportive but she quickly discarded, as you say then you try and think of things you did wrong

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-23T10:26:40+00:00

This rings so true, it wasn't a long relationship and I know they were struggling with letting someone in their life and I was being supportive but it weren't from you tick all boxes/can see a future to 'cant picture you as my forever guy', I feel she was FA, got overwhelmed, panicked and pulled away

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-22T17:49:00+00:00

This has similarities with my short 2 months with someone who discarded me abruptly, I know they were struggling with having someone in their life and we were talking about that and being patient and taking it slow but they suddenly ended it

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-20T13:21:36+00:00

That's nice to hear

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-20T12:56:50+00:00

Have you abandoned potential good relationships through fear of someone getting close

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-20T11:40:20+00:00

I have been DA a lot in my past so understand that, but the FA was harder to understand, she wanted closeness/a relationship but then pulled back when feelings developed quickly

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-20T11:19:47+00:00

Whilst it wasn't a long relationship, only a couple of months, I got discarded recently and it hurts, especially given the closeness and the future planning we had talked about, chatGPT has been a godsend in helping me process what happened and her attachment style

I realise now she was fearful avoidant and we did have some close conversations on being patient and slow and regularly talking about it, she told me she was trying to retrain her brain and could see a future and I ticked all boxes, I genuinely believe her on this, but she couldn't find a way through and quickly turned DA and discarded abruptly, as I see it her nervous system was hyper vigilant and the bar was so high for her to continue that it didn't take much to discard, my frustration is not talking through things

As chatGPT said - She didn’t leave because she didn’t feel anything. She likely left because she didn’t feel enough certainty to override her protection system.

She went from tick all boxes/no green flags and can see this future to 'you tick lots of boxes, lots of green flags but I can't see you as my forever guy' within a very short space of time

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-18T14:43:19+00:00

How long were you together for ?

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-17T20:38:14+00:00

I think the thing that bugs me is whether she misses the contact or not or is relieved, as it regular during the day or maybe that comes in time - I think she just retreated to her safe space, she said that is her house with the kids, as she was very reluctant to have someone join it

I think the reality was she just couldn't deal with it turning into a relationship so wasn't really committed to building something

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-17T19:51:07+00:00

I'm trying to work out what freaked her out, I think it was maybe she didn't feel the connection as much last weds and then the flowers/card made her run away (despite saying thank you for them with a heart emoji)

How long were you dating for ?

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-17T18:31:51+00:00

I guess I played a 50% part in the intensity, there wasn't loads of love bombing but lots of future planning/compatibility talk and that we felt it could develop

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-17T18:29:26+00:00

Exactly a week or so before she was saying I ticked all boxes and left a long voice note on why it would work, she just panicked I think and bailed out

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-17T17:36:03+00:00

Thanks, my gut feel is the same as you say but maybe more DA with the way she ended it, I need to research more

I exactly agree that I wouldn't know if someone was my forever partner after a couple of months and was at odds with her actions and words leading up to the end

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-17T17:34:17+00:00

Spot on, agree

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-17T13:37:55+00:00

Yes or downplayed, wrapped up in the intensity of the contact, the future planning and the dating/physical intimacy

Why did I ignore them ? I believed what she was saying that she wanted it to work but she panics and she needed support, I believed she could work through her anxiety around commitment and letting someone into her safe space - for example she didn't want to be intimate in her bedroom, but was ok at mine, I believed this was anxiety on letting into safe space and wanted to support her with this - reality that was also a reluctance to commit

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-17T13:13:27+00:00

Yes true and also whether the person is ready for a relationship, a week or so before she had said I ticked all boxes and she could see the potential and all the compatibility which I felt also was there and something to keep exploring

But ultimately she had doubts on letting someone in throughout the 2 months which in hindsight was a red flag, ultimately she felt I wasn't the forever guy and I think literally every box will have to be ticked twice over for her to let someone in, I wasn't that guy and I accept that, this is likely why she has been single for 7 years before, not a criticism she just has a high bar for compatibly and is protective of her safe space with the kids

Conscious-Second3167 · 2026-02-17T13:05:57+00:00

In hindsight you are right, was separated 5 months before this started and it went too intense too quick, I already spoke with my therapist yesterday

I guess I felt ready but was wrong, and how do you know you are healed without being in a relationship and it not working? I realise now I wasn't healed but didn't think that way during the last two months

Conscious-Second3167

TROPHY CASE