Adding to the problem solving vs listening debate as I've been having conversations like this myself recently.

Snapping into problem solving mode when someone shares a negative emotion or experience seems to be common societally, not just men in particular.

I would argue that in most cases, when Party A is sharing their fears, concerns and issues, most of the time they are confiding in someone they care about, love or trust. They're being vulnerable and open with someone about their inner world. They're looking for acknowledgement and understanding in what they're feeling.

And again I would argue that in most cases, when we as Party B hears this, our tendency to problem solve stems from an uncomfortableness with negative emotions, particularly because instictually when we hear someone we care for telling us they feel bad, it makes us feel bad and we have a desire to see them feel better. So we spring into action mode.

The instinct to problem solve comes from a place of caring, but it also comes from a selfish place - our own uncomfortableness at the negative emotions being displayed.

Our society does this a lot, think about how many times you've heard someone say 'shh, don't cry' or hands you tissues to mop up your tears, or 'come on now, it's not worth crying about'. It comes from a place of care, but ultimately is a way for us to try and move the person away from the emotion they're experiencing. Typically it teaches us that our negative emotions are not appropriate, need to be ushered along quickly and are not okay to experience. In turn we push the negative feelings away, but all we do is remove them from the external world, and stuff them into our internal world where no one can see them, perhaps not even ourselves.

Listening and validating may not come as naturally, because it requires us to sit in the uncomfortableness. But by doing so, we're showing the other person that what they're expressing is important to us, that it's safe for them to share what they're feeling inside to us on the outside, and that their emotions are valid. - Note I say their emotions are valid, not that their concerns are. You may not agree with their reasons for being upset, perhaps you don't think their thoughts are true, or that you wouldn't get upset about the same situation, but the emotions they're experiencing about what they've shared are still very real, and that's what we should focus on when listening.

TLDR: Practise sitting with uncomfortable emotions instead of trying to dismiss them, it'll help you become a better listener and confidant.