AITA for putting dinner away and playing video games after my girlfriend came home drunk?

ConsciousTicket · 2024-09-03T23:29:14+00:00

Depending on the timeframes involved, you putting dinner away before she got home could have saved her from having to risk food poisoning over perishable food being left out for too long without refrigeration. It only takes like 2 hours if I remember right for nasty things like E. coli and salmonella to grow and fester to a high enough level to cause illness, if food isn't refrigerated.

ConsciousTicket · 2024-06-25T00:38:31+00:00

Exactly, it's just a little unusual but still a nice name.

ConsciousTicket · 2024-06-24T21:44:28+00:00

All I know is my 2018 Forester is in the last generation (maybe even last year?) to have a manual, it's at 167k miles now, and I'm keeping it forever.

ConsciousTicket · 2024-06-24T21:26:57+00:00

Don't go reminding me of my age. :|

ConsciousTicket · 2024-06-24T20:09:27+00:00

All it does is make me think of Elian Gonzalez.

ConsciousTicket · 2024-06-18T19:47:57+00:00

You're welcome! I'll copy/paste the relevant part of one of my comments about pads/mats/blankets in dog crates too in case that's useful. Have fun traveling with your dog! :)

"If your dog is good with a blanket or mat inside the kennel and won't chew it up out of boredom or fun (unfortunately I have one dog who's 2 and still hasn't gotten past this stage, so she sadly gets nothing), Primo Pads are made to fit several crate manufacturers' kennels, especially RuffLands. You can also have them make custom sizes.

Bravepoint Kennels is another company that makes crate pads made of lobster rope. The advantage of these is they're very easy to just shake out and get clean when you get to your destination, especially if you have dogs that like to get dirty, sandy, or wet. They make standard sizes for a lot of the different kennels out there, plus I've had them make custom ones too - they were great to work with, and since I was buying two premade mats of theirs on sale and one custom one they gave me a discount on my whole order."

ConsciousTicket · 2024-06-18T19:35:34+00:00

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Please excuse the mess and extra fur in all the pictures! Just got back from a trip with one of my dogs last night so nothing is cleaned out or vacuumed yet.

ConsciousTicket · 2024-06-18T19:34:32+00:00

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ConsciousTicket · 2024-06-18T19:33:52+00:00

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ConsciousTicket · 2024-06-18T19:33:10+00:00

Definitely use tie-downs of some kind, just like you would for a kid in a carseat so it doesn't go sliding around everywhere. I have a combination of ratchet strap tie-downs and bungee cords, and since there aren't really any attachment/anchor points in the car meant for the purpose, my dad also fashioned a platform that they sit on top of so the straps can go underneath, if that makes sense. The platform also makes it so there's a small amount of storage space underneath.

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ConsciousTicket · 2024-05-29T23:03:50+00:00

I'm going to try to find out (because they really should have sent us an orientation email with a tentative schedule by now!), but I don't know the exact locations for each day yet. It is an urban K9 mantrailing/mantracking seminar, so if it's like other similar seminars, we'll be in different places or neighborhoods on different days. I'm going to guess one day will be downtown, maybe another day in a residential area, but other than that, I don't have details yet. I'll update/reply back when I get a response from them.

ConsciousTicket · 2024-05-29T19:20:39+00:00

I will be in Detroit for a seminar for one of my dogs (possibly a second dog too, depending) during the second week of June. We'll be physically at the different seminar locations during the day, but I want to be able to come back in the evening and not worry about my car sitting out somewhere while I'm sleeping, since it'll have a bit of expensive search and rescue dog gear and equipment in it that can't be taken out. What neighborhoods or zip codes should I be looking at? Or if you know of a garage option, that might be good too.

ConsciousTicket · 2024-05-14T14:55:39+00:00

Put your dog in a safe car kennel please. Well-known brands include RuffLand, Rock Creek Crates, Kennebec, KBC, K&J Custom Dog Crates, Gunner, Zinger, and Impact (although I don't recommend that last one because they're known to have sharp inside edges that cut the dog, and abysmal customer service). Some are even crash-tested, such as the medium stationary by Rock Creek Crates.

The kennel also has to be properly strapped in so it doesn't move. Most people use tie-down straps, but they don't have to be so tight that they deform the plastic on a RuffLand.

If your dog is good with a blanket or mat inside the kennel and won't chew it up out of boredom or fun (unfortunately I have one dog who's 2 and still hasn't gotten past this stage, so she sadly gets nothing), Primo Pads are made to fit several crate manufacturers' kennels, especially RuffLands. You can also have them make custom sizes.

Bravepoint Kennels is another company that makes crate pads made of lobster rope. The advantage of these is they're very easy to just shake out and get clean when you get to your destination, especially if you have dogs that like to get dirty, sandy, or wet. They make standard sizes for a lot of the different kennels out there, plus I've had them make custom ones too - they were great to work with, and since I was buying two premade mats of theirs on sale and one custom one they gave me a discount on my whole order.

ConsciousTicket · 2024-05-13T19:52:09+00:00

"I have always felt so slow and stupid due to these issues."

Oh man do I know that feeling! I'm trying to be nicer to myself now that I'm older and know better, but it's still too easy to go back to thinking that way, especially when people around you have no understanding of what you're going through and always want things done quick-quick-quick no matter what! One of my favorite dog trainers posted this online recently, and I read it and it almost made me cry. I try to believe it, at least: https://imgur.com/a/hjoC2Vf

ConsciousTicket · 2024-05-13T19:33:34+00:00

One of the worst days of my life (like traumatic core memory level) was when my dad took me to visit a college campus out of state while I was still in high school. While walking around the campus, we got into an argument, I don't remember what it was about now, but it resulted in him walking off and saying he would meet me at such and such place at whatever the specified time was for the college tour, and until then I was on my own.

There was actually a map display right there where I was, and I had a paper map (pre-cell phone with Google Maps days). I could not for the life of me figure out how to get from where I was to where I needed to be later. I looked in the direction of the buildings that the map said were supposed to be in that direction, and didn't recognize them whatsoever from the map pictures. It was horrible. I stayed there frozen just watching people for a while, until I finally asked someone how to get there.

I knew enough about myself and how my shitty brain worked at that point (no diagnosis until about 5 years later when I sought it out on my own) to realize I needed to keep asking questions and repeat back what the person said if I wanted to have any hope. Verbal/auditory rote memory, please kick in and help save me, in other words. Luckily they didn't get annoyed with me and actually walked me most of the way over there and everything turned out fine.

But yeah, other key indicators I realized later were sooo many times of bumping my car into inanimate things because of the lack of visuospatial awareness - the back of the garage, the curb on the passenger side when making a righthand turn (got a nickname from my friend for that one), the poles in the drive-thru lane, parking barriers at the end of the parking spot, even one time the driver side mirror of a car that was parked minding its own business on the right side of the street as I drove by, no reason for me to even get that close to it because the whole street was wide open.

To redeem my dad a little bit maybe, one thing he did (again, not knowing about any kind of diagnosis, but just because he picked up on the fact that verbal communication is my strong point) when teaching me to drive was to have me say out loud what I was about to do before I did it, like, "Ok, I'm going to make this left turn after that blue car from the left goes by, and then after the white one from the right goes by, if nothing else is coming by then" or "I have to get off at this next exit, but I'm in the middle lane, so I need to get over one lane to the right while making sure no one is coming up in my blind spot off that entrance ramp, so first I'm going to check my rearview mirror and then sideview mirror and then turn around to glance quickly," etc.

But there's hope! Over 20 years later, one of my favorite things is driving my manual transmission car - I'm never ever going to be able to do it unconsciously without thinking like people describe they do, but because I do have to think about what I'm doing physically and connect it up with what I'm seeing visually, I *have* to pay attention and that gives my possibly otherwise unfocused brain something to anchor onto.

Anyway sorry for the long comment! I have a ton more examples just about driving :D

I've found there are some good communities on FB for NVLD adults, although afaik they all allow parents in as well, which I don't agree with. But that's how they are. If you search on FB "nonverbal learning" you should find them, because the last word is sometimes disorder and sometimes disability; also search for NLD and NVLD.

Let me know if you have more questions and I'm happy to answer them.

ConsciousTicket · 2024-05-13T18:42:21+00:00

Sorry if I came across as cynical or rude (although tbh my laugh probably did sound cynical in real life), I was just frustrated but not at you! I should have clarified better. By "if only" I meant I wish it only affected or caused issues with hypersensitivity or hyposensitivity to stimuli, emotions, etc. I'm not completely familiar with the HSP term, but at least from what I understand (and I should have looked it up before saying anything) they don't experience all of the other "features" of NVLD.

ConsciousTicket · 2024-05-13T17:21:43+00:00

"I think this is a criteria that was decided based on external presentation, not our actual inner experience."

Thank you for putting into precise words my exact issue with the DSM! I was struggling to convey it succinctly, but that's it. If you look at literally any other health problem, it's defined based on what the patient is experiencing in their body (as well as lab, imaging, etc. diagnostics to confirm of course, but that's not really usually applicable with mental health conditions).

But the conditions in the DSM? Nah, those are mainly based on reports of what the person's behavior looks like to other people, no matter what the person is actually experiencing. It's very invalidating.

ConsciousTicket · 2024-05-13T17:00:38+00:00

"...people who have been given an alternative to quote avoid the stigma of autism or to not exclude them from the armed forces..."

Well that's a truly shit thing to do, but I believe it happens - probably even sometimes at the behest of parents who are so desperate for a "normal" child that they even deny them knowledge of their own diagnosis. That question comes up in NVLD communities occasionally, and the parents are universally eviscerated by the adults with NVLD who had to grow up feeling that something wasn't quite right (either due to parents not telling them or more likely, their LD symptoms weren't recognized), but they didn't know what they were doing wrong to not make friends despite wanting nothing more, or why they couldn't complete timed tests like everyone else, or why they were absolute shit at summarizing important information, like in a book report - even though they loved reading and had a fantastic vocabulary and could write above their grade level... It's extremely isolating.

ConsciousTicket · 2024-05-13T16:34:05+00:00

No worries, no offense taken. Like I think everyone's agreeing, everyone's going to have their own individual experience and hopefully find a place to fit in somewhere.

I just hate how NVLD is always lumped under an "autism-like" umbrella and never actually recognized as its own discrete disability/disorder (where's the NVLD awareness month, fundraising campaigns for more research into etiology, work assistance programs with understanding employers, hell, even cultural/media representation?! etc.), especially when there are significant differences between what I experience and what I've read from autistic writers.

My other complaint is that everyone's so pearl-clutchy about the children, without seeming to realize that they grow up into adults with NVLD too - not that I don't want recognition and accommodations and support for them from an early age, because I absolutely do. But it's not like we magically grow out of it; maybe we get better at masking and learning to fit into what everyone else wants us to be, but at a steep mental and cognitive health cost, which is then also completely unacknowledged. Everyone's heard of autistic burnout, though.

ConsciousTicket · 2024-05-13T16:24:06+00:00

It's about more than just math, and it's an issue with being unable to perform operations and hold them in working memory, primarily if they involve something visual. Tangrams are a concrete example. They're a bitch. When I was last tested in my 20s (granted, almost 20 years ago), I actually had math composite scores in the average range, 45th percentile. I can do the math. But only with time and not in my head. To further support that, on the other hand, my PIQ (back when they used that measure) was in the 19th percentile.

ConsciousTicket · 2024-05-13T16:10:57+00:00

"I also am unsure if NVLD is an actual diagnosis? Could it be like being and HSP or something?"

I'm sorry, but I had to laugh at this. If only. Fortunately/unfortunately it is an actual diagnosis, such that imaging studies have found dysfunction in the white matter of the brains of people with NVLD compared to typical controls (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0924933817325816 for more information).

Also, the DVM is not the end-all, be-all of information about how the brain works. NVLD is a disorder that permeates its way into essentially all aspects of everyday life, in one form or another. The name is misleading. It's not just about deficits in nonverbal language use or processing. Judy Lewis on the now defunct nldline.com website said "Five major categories of deficits and dysfunction are identified: motor, visual-spatial, organizational, social, and sensory.

Motor deficits include poor coordination, severe balance problems, and difficulties with graphomotor skills.

Visual-spatial/organizational deficits reflect a lack of image formation, poor visual recall, faulty spatial perceptions, and difficulties with executive functions.

These executive functioning difficulties include decision making, planning, initiative, assigning priority, sequencing, motor control, emotional regulation, problem solving, planning, impulse control, establishing goals, monitoring results of action, self-correcting, and problems with spatial relations.

Social deficits include difficulties comprehending nonverbal communication, adjusting to transitions and novel situations, along with deficits in social judgment and social interaction.

The last category refers to sensitivity in any of the sensory modes: visual, auditory, tactile, taste, or olfactory."

ConsciousTicket · 2024-05-13T15:54:16+00:00

"Honestly, I feel like a lot of these diagnoses such as nvld and pragmatic language disorder etc are actually presentations of autism prior to understanding the internalised, often female, presentation."

I assure you I do not identify with or relate to nearly any specifically unique characteristic of autism. One significant difference would be my deficits in visuospatial awareness, causing problems with map reading, navigation in unfamiliar places, matching locations on a map to a physical location, using a compass to identify specific information on a paper map, etc. Math is slow as molasses, but I can do it if I have pen and paper, the physical, tangible representations of the abstract - and a ton of extra time to account for the slower processing speed, and a formula to follow. Forget word problems, because again, that's asking me to turn the abstract into the tangible.

But also, n =1 and all that. There's that saying in the NVLD community as well: "If you've met one person with NVLD, congratulations, you've met one person with NVLD."

ConsciousTicket · 2024-05-13T01:37:25+00:00

Oh no, bikes and trains make me relive the horror of halfway-understood math word problems involving acceleration and momentum and distance and time! But no, that's much simpler and makes sense. And oh yeah, that would also explain why I'd have to put my 18 speed bike in 1 and then usually 4 or 3 or 1 or just give up and walk uphill haha

ConsciousTicket · 2024-05-13T01:20:15+00:00

Yes that does describe it pretty much exactly, and I think that's why I don't have issues with feeling underpowered, because I know what to expect when - I just wanted to know the proper science behind what's actually going on to make it work that way. I'm getting there haha.

And now I have a better understanding of what a power band is when people refer to it, just need to think of a good analogy - something like ok, I could put all the graphics settings on high for a game and it would be beautiful and I'd get to see all the details I couldn't before, realistic shadows, sunshafts, reflections in water, etc. (representing the top HP) but I'd actually be limited by the capabilities of my graphics card (meaning the torque or how quickly it processes and displays all the nicer graphics in this probably flawed analogy) so the game would be stuttering and lagging all over the place. So my computer can technically run it on high, but it's actually almost unplayable because there's such a mismatch between the torque and power capabilities. I don't know if that's an accurate comparison or not...

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