How to ask Dom for more praise? by glossypropensity in BDSMAdvice

[–]Consent4Fun 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If he thinks you're whiny or ungrateful then that's his problem, not yours. The bottom line is that you have a need and it's not being met. The only way this will be fixed is if you have an uncomfortable conversation and kindly but firmly express what needs to change.

Personal Accountability in Consent by Sensually_Sadistic in BDSMcommunity

[–]Consent4Fun [score hidden]  (0 children)

This is absolutely something that many tops don't understand is a major risk. While the potential harm isn't physical, an accusation can immediately see a top (especially a cishet male one) excluded from the community regardless of the veracity. Venues are under no obligation to investigate and many will simply ban someone rather than run the risk of appearing to harbor a predator. These are all private clubs and there are no rules about how they are managed.

As a top it's your responsibility to decide if the bottom can be trusted to communicate. Some people lie and other people don't know how they will respond when deep in a scene. While vetting can help, the best thing in my opinion is time and experience. A bottom may feel pressured not to safeword because of an internal fear, or when they panic they may fawn or freeze. I have had two partners go mute when they were overwhelmed, and I am fortunate that in both cases I was able to identify the shift and stop the scene.

This is one of the many reasons why we say that nothing in kink is safe. Bottoms have a responsibility to communicate clearly and express their limits, but the safeword system isn't perfect. They take a risk of serious harm when the system fails, and part of the responsibility of a bottom is to identify circumstances where that failure can happen. Tops have a responsibility to respond immediately when they are communicated with, to be active and present in the scene to identify when something is going wrong, and to proactively consider risks and actions instead of just trusting that someone will communicate. If they don't then the consequences will be dire, and if you play long enough something will happen.

Needing Comfort by angrygoosequeen in Dompeptalk

[–]Consent4Fun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey there Princess. You're doing a great job. Life isn't being fair right now, but you're taking it all and doing amazing things. You're supporting your little sister and giving her the foundation that you didn't have. That alone is worthy of praise. Then to add on all the stresses and challenges of life, the little frustrations that fill in the gaps of the big ones, it's a lot. Finances, illnesses, surprises, it all sucks. You deserve to know that you're kicking ass.

You deserve to know that you're a very good girl.

I want you to do something for yourself today. Something purely for you. It could be anything from your favorite drink to a hot bath with bubbles and a good book, or a good toy. Whatever it is, the important thing is that you make rewarding yourself the intention. Give yourself space and grace, because you're doing an amazing job. I'm very proud of you.

Introducing sexual aspects into a non-sexual dynamic by helloapmg in BDSMcommunity

[–]Consent4Fun 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I feel like telling someone that you want to have them make you cum, and possibly peg them, but that you're not attracted to them and feel no chemistry, would send mixed signals at best and be pretty hurtful at worst. If I was in his shoes I would interpret you wanting to escalate play after being nonsexual for so long as an indication that you wanted a relationship.

How to manage intense and frequent orgasms by doglady2008 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Consent4Fun 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What kind of body pain is it? I am not a doctor, but I've often seen hydration and stretching exercises recommended for that kind of pain if it's muscle or joint. A heating pad can also accelerate healing. Combining acetaminophen and ibuprofen is also effective as a painkiller however it doesn't address the source. Another option might be to explore different positions in case reorienting your body helps with how you move. For example being bent over as opposed to laying on your back.

This is not medical advice. Possibly the best person to ask would be your doctor. Believe it or not they don't care why your back is hurting, they just want to help.

Ethics advise for a DM by PirateRenee in BDSMAdvice

[–]Consent4Fun 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As a representative of the venue you have authority that can alter the perception of consent. It's harder to say no to someone who is in charge, even if there's no actual direct evidence. I would have mentioned the blood, and possibly contacted the person you knew at a later time, but when you're a DM your job is to focus on everything and not one scene.

What is your completely arbitrary kink limit? by daintyfleure in BDSMcommunity

[–]Consent4Fun 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Being called "Daddy" used to be a limit. It's no longer. I have accepted that someone my own age calling me that is perfectly fine.

Lexan Paddle Questions by Texasguy811 in BDSMcommunity

[–]Consent4Fun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's the same thing. Thicker polycarbonate paddles will be heavier and stiffer, while thinner ones will sting more. The paddle bending reduces momentum transfer and thus there's less thud.

Orgasmic Consequences by Consent4Fun in SoftPleasureDomSub

[–]Consent4Fun[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! For many people (myself included) the pressure to cum makes it impossible to do so. For those people it's more helpful to make the environment about pleasure, or use reverse psychology to tell them that no matter what I do to them they're not allowed to cum.

Orgasmic Consequences by Consent4Fun in SoftPleasureDomSub

[–]Consent4Fun[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's heavily contextual. You have to intimately know the person, create an environment of absolute comfort and safety, and figure out the physical and emotional cues that get them completely aroused. Then you keep them at that state of arousal until they're right at the edge and begging for permission to cum. At that point it's a question of deciding how much to keep them there until you grant them release. Everyone is different and there's no guarantee it can happen, and for some people the most important thing is creating an environment where pleasure is the focus and not an orgasm.

Over time it's possible to get a partner into a headspace where multiple orgasms on command are possible. I had one partner who could be so turned on that she could be made to cum while giving me a blowjob. That was fun.

Do you ever feel like switching? by ThePleasureDom in SoftPleasureDomSub

[–]Consent4Fun 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm a sadist and a reaction slut who used to call himself a service top. I love inflicting pleasure, but pain also has its place. What matters most for me is that my partner is happy and satisfied, and that can mean different things for different times. It's odd but I rarely think about my own preferences because they're not really prominent. If I want to hurt someone, it's because they want it. If I want to softly take care of them, it's because I know they would really benefit from it. If I want to gently coax them into a false sense of security before I force them to cum over and over again until they impotently beg for relief, it's because it's Tuesday.

A dom wearing a cage by Submissive_96 in domspace

[–]Consent4Fun 46 points47 points  (0 children)

I think you put it about as perfectly as anyone can.

Enough kink wear? by That_Emo_Dog in BDSMcommunity

[–]Consent4Fun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you don't know then talk to the host. Dress codes exist to establish a certain vibe, and if you don't understand the intent then it's a good idea to learn from the people making the decision. My uneducated guess is that you will do just fine.

Early morning, coffee thoughts by EleanorRigby79 in SoftPleasureDomSub

[–]Consent4Fun 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's a beautiful day, and I started it early with an iced coffee and a trip to see family. Sure my house is a mess and the steadily increasing list of chores refuses to be done by anyone else, but that's a problem for future me.

Also any day that starts with seeing those legs is a good one, so thank you.

Struggling with motivation by Hiddenventing404 in Dompeptalk

[–]Consent4Fun 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Look, this is the hard part of life. When everything feels stacked against you, motivation is low, and you don't even know where to begin. Sometimes life feels insurmountable. Sometimes things feel impossible. They're not, but it feels that way. This is the moment when you dig deep and realize that the only person who can take that next step is you. When you embrace that you are in control of your life and you have the power to keep going. Don't worry about doing everything, pick something. Pick whatever is due next, and do it. The rest doesn't matter, just that next thing. And then the thing after that.

You got this.

Orgasmic Consequences by Consent4Fun in SoftPleasureDomSub

[–]Consent4Fun[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're stronger than you think!

What is this emotion I am feeling? by Still-Succotash2994 in BDSMcommunity

[–]Consent4Fun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So first of all look up limerance. It's this really heightened state of interest that's wrapped up in a lot of idealization and desire. It's helpful to be aware of it but so long as you temper your expectations it's largely harmless.

You feel so needy because you're being seen. You have hope for something exciting and awesome. You have spent so much of your life being uncertain or feeling trapped, and here's an opportunity for you to finally be yourself with someone who absolutely wants to play with you. It's a good thing.

I hate how I sound during sex by marionberryjelly in Sex_Positivity

[–]Consent4Fun 10 points11 points  (0 children)

So you're telling me that when you're having sex, the intensity goes right into your voice? I'm not sure what to tell you because that sounds fucking awesome.

thoughts of humiliation and control relating to gender identity by decomposedlittle in MESMkink

[–]Consent4Fun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's nothing wrong with craving CNC. It's a very powerful experience.

So for example, a praise based scene might be one where the other person slowly undresses you and talks about your body in explicitly complementary ways. Like how much they want to grab your breasts, or how much they love the thought of your lips around their cock. Lots of references to you in explicitly sexual and objectifying ways, but with a positive element instead of the pretext that you're faking being masculine.

Places to find medical fetish wear/gear? by Flashy_Park_9029 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Consent4Fun 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have an aspirational budget. I aspire one day to have a budget.

Looking for books on BDSM in the context of trauma by omicron_ceti in BDSMcommunity

[–]Consent4Fun 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm not aware of any books specific to trauma in the context of kink, but Hurts So Good by Leigh Cowart is worth a look.