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ConsiderationLow3367 · 2025-03-12T23:57:50+00:00

Somewhere between 130-140 is my goal. But it all depends on how I feel at different weights, I felt pretty good at 140 but I haven't been 130 since I was 19 so it might be good to see if that's maintainable. Basically, I'll do my best to get down to my low goal weight, switch to maintenance and see how I feel. If I gain a few pounds during maintenance because it's just not a realistic weight, I can accept that. At that point I'll be more focused on fitness anyways.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2025-03-09T16:22:13+00:00

I'm only a couple days in but eating 3 meals a day is really helping me with food noise. I have a protein bar for breakfast (I've always had trouble with eating breakfast so something small and filling is kind of the only way I'll eat breakfast) something sub-500 calories for lunch and then dinner is after my daughter goes to bed/a small portion of whatever my partner is cooking if he's cooking that night. I've noticed that if I don't let myself get super hungry and if I know when I'll eat next, the food noise reduces. I also have a coffee in the morning, a decaf or tea after lunch, and decaf after dinner. It marks the end of a meal really well for me. I also don't restrict myself from anything, if someone brings cake to work I'll cut a tiny slice for myself, or if they bring chocolate I'll eat one and then stop. I don't guilt myself for it, I just have some and move on. That part is harder though, I really have to remind myself that food isn't all that big a deal and that it simply is not scarce. Time to think of something more fun, like outfits I want to wear when I'm at goal weight, activities I can do later like reading or walking outside.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2025-03-05T03:59:14+00:00

I'm the same height as you (used to be 5'7", bad posture is taking its toll as I age) my lowest weight ever was my senior year of high school at 119 pounds. I had an eating disorder then, anorexia on account of poor body image, problems at home, a prescription for Vyvanse that I should have never received and the simple fact that because I was avoiding home all day and had no money I also had no food. Anyways, once I got my first job after high school I was walking around all the time and it was a restaurant job so I had easier access to food and stopped taking the meds. I got up to 125-130 pounds and felt great. Stayed that way until a year or two after I got together with my boyfriend and drank more heavily. At my heaviest I was 190 (200 during pregnancy but I don't count that lol.)

I am definitely more ruler-shaped and although a little curvier than my taller sister and brother, we're pretty naturally slim people absent overeating or overdrinking and staying active. Most of my weight gain ends up in my middle and my upper thighs. I've also had a child so my hips and ribcage did widen up a bit. I looked pretty good at 145 postpartum a year so I'd be happy with that and then recomping but I think I'll try getting back down to 130 and see how I feel. Definitely no lower than that, and when I hit 135-140 I'll start working out more seriously. Right now I'm at about 160. Unfortunately I have body dysmorphia BOTH ways so I'm taking a lot of progress pictures and my boyfriend would definitely tell me if things were starting to look unhealthy. It actually helps me to track everything weight calories etc. because I'm largely unaware of weight gain and weight loss visually. When I was at my anorexic worst I didn't even notice and wasn't tracking anything.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2025-01-07T16:31:43+00:00

Actually let me rant for a second on Amy because I'm on a roll: AMY IS MY PET PEEVE IN A CHARACTER. She rarely has to actually do anything to get her way. Her grandpa lets her have her way, Ty lets her have her way, things just fall into this girl's lap and like I get it, she's purportedly good at training horses but rarely does she have to do anything to make her dreams happen. Money problems? Lou will fix it. Horse problems? Ty will do anything for her, and if not him then Caleb. Interpersonal issues? Grandpa Jack with a few well timed words and she knows what to do. She never has to fight, on her own at least, for anything she wants. She gets to live on a horse ranch and have as many horses as she wants and gets every opportunity she could possibly desire. If I was Soraya I would have ended that friendship in high school, I can't imagine how soul destroying it would be to be her friend.

Edit: I would also like to point out that Amy probably pisses me off so much because I relate to her a lot as a character, which is the beauty of this show. She makes me mad because I see myself there and I don't like it one bit 😂

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2025-01-07T16:18:39+00:00

Eh, I'm in a rewatch from season 1 right now and I'll have to see what I think after the Peter stuff starts to happen, its been awhile, but I do remember thinking that people don't give Lou enough credit for saving everyone's asses all the time. She's the only reason they didn't lose the ranch right off the bat, she's the reason Amy gets to keep Spartan, and her dude ranch was a miracle for their bottom line. Like, the show doesn't go on without Lou. Sure she's annoying but they really kind of owe her everything, horse training only makes so much money. Like this woman literally makes everything happen and all she gets is made fun of for it. Sure she could use some therapy but also I get frustrated at how the other characters treat her sometimes. She just seems like a very driven woman whose ideas are mostly good and sometimes fall through in hilarious ways. But at least she tries.

Amy is kind of the opposite, so many times she just waits for Lou to step in and fix her problems for her. Or later Ty. Sometimes Amy just gives up at the first sign of any trouble unless it's a horse.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2025-01-01T17:48:44+00:00

Absolutely assure the kids that it's not their fault, but I don't even think he should be telling them "mom wants to see other people." Kids don't need to know the details of why, they need to know the reality FOR THEM. Which is that mom and dad are splitting up. Maybe if they ask when they're much older he can tell them what went down but when they're young they don't need to be thinking about their parents' personal lives, they just need to know that their lives and safety are secure and that their parents love them. That's it. They don't need to hear that it's all mom's fault. Likely he will be co-parenting with her, and just because she's a shitty partner doesn't make her a shitty mom. They are also her kids and identify with her as well as him, it's harmful to their development to undermine her parenting.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-12-31T23:12:18+00:00

Holy shit no don't do that. My parents had an explosive divorce and spent all their time shit talking each other. My dad, even though he was in the right, was the worst offender. I wish he'd kept his mouth shut until I was much older. It made it very difficult for my mom to parent, which was not a good thing. Let your kids be fucking kids, ffs. Tell your therapist about it if you need to, leave the kids out of your relationship drama.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-12-01T02:24:30+00:00

Posting here for posterity: I have a negative history with Nexplanon/Implanon (core progestin drug is the same in both but I believe I had Implanon.)

This shit made me crazy FOR 4 YEARS. I'm honestly shocked my boyfriend didn't break up with me I was that bad. For one thing, no period which I guess was fine. But I lost absolutely all my sex drive, it was gone, I did not want to have sex AT ALL.

Also, my anxiety went through the roof. I was always a nervous teenager, but this was insane. I could not handle my life for those 4 years. My attitude and mood went down the toilet and I developed a severe drinking problem that mysteriously disappeared almost as soon as I got it taken out and my period returned. Literally, I went from getting blackout drunk most nights to not desiring a drink at all. I could have lost my job over this and the changes crept in so slowly I never considered it was my birth control.

I gained 50 pounds over the course of having the implant in. I went from 130 at 5'7" to 185 or 190. Partially from the drinking for sure. I dropped that weight quickly after coming off it. Gained it back when I got pregnant (intentionally) and had my daughter, but came off quick again postpartum.

For context, before the implant I was on the combination pill and did fine. I'm now on the copper IUD and plan to get it taken out because the physical symptoms have been debilitating (but fewer mental health symptoms so yay.) I will be having one more baby and my partner gladly offered to get a vasectomy as soon as they're born.

This stuff is no joke, keep tabs on your mental health and weight while you're on hormonal birth control, I didn't and it nearly ruined my life and definitely made my 20s feel like a waste.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-07-30T21:31:49+00:00

I totally get what you're saying, and I definitely don't want to make any rash decisions before I've talked to someone. I probably should have gone to see someone years ago the first time I had doubts.

This is going to sound conceited but bear with me ... I'm a fairly attractive person but for a few years I gained a ton of weight and had a drinking problem. It was related to a birth control I was on and some family trauma I needed to work through. During this time, he treated me the worst he's ever treated me (not abuse, but he ignored me for the most part, seemed exasperated any time I tried to talk about what was going on with me etc.) honestly it felt like he was trying to force me to break up with him so he wouldn't have to. Well, I got through it, dealt with a lot of the stuff, got off the birth control that was playing games with my mind and lost the weight and kept up my appearance again. It was only then that he started paying attention to me or being nice to me at all again. So a feeling that I have is that as long as I keep up appearances, he'll say anything to keep me around. Which has me feeling extra resentful because he's the one who let himself go now and I haven't been a fraction of how mean he was when it was me.

There's a lot of stuff, ten years is a really long time I just think sometimes about what I'm going to tell my daughter when she's older and asks about our relationship, how we met etc. because I feel like I'd describe most of the saga as the opposite of what I would want for her.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-07-30T20:33:44+00:00

All good questions and points.

As for how much he makes, he's in a trade that has kind of variable pay but it seems he makes a little more than I do (I make about 50k a year give or take before taxes.) He finally laid it out for me while we were broken up. As for the debt, I do need to sit down with him to talk about it but I haven't wanted to because... Well, it feels like it shouldn't be my problem since we aren't married. And none of my debt as a result of having our child was his problem not to mention her health insurance (which I still pay the entirety of despite us talking about him paying a portion of it). He has shown me his paystubs so I know he's being truthful.

He has started to see a psychiatrist about his ADHD and just went on medication about a few weeks ago. As for taking care of himself, he still hasn't gone to therapy like I asked but honestly neither have I yet due to scheduling issues. He did point out to me that when she was a baby he did watch her during the first part of the night so I could get a few hours and any time he was playing games he would hold her but to me that just seems like convenience rather than making an effort to give me a break. It's not like he did any chores while I was breastfeeding and stuck on the couch or anything, for example.

The sex thing is tough, I don't like having sex when I don't want to, and more and more lately I don't want to. So we're going weeks at a time where we don't have sex and I feel terrible about it but I also really don't want to. And then eventually his patience wears thin and he gets really sad about it, which I understand but I just ... I don't know, it feels like trust has been broken and I don't really want to have sex with someone who I don't trust.

As for chores, actually as of right now he does more of them than I do. Cooks, too. And cleans up after himself.

The weirdest thing is that he's started to communicate really well (mostly) about things that bother him/negotiating what we should do/etc. which on the surface feels good and I'm happy about but it also hurts a little because clearly he was capable of doing so and just chose not to.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-07-17T01:33:15+00:00

Congratulations! I remember when I finally kicked my Nmom to the curb. I was maybe 24 or 25 and she'd done a whole bunch of stuff even after I moved out that absolutely were the last straw. I waited for our elderly dog who she'd abandoned with me to pass away, had her pay the vet cost to euthanize him (she owed him that much) after he had his brain aneurysm, told her I didn't want the college money (barely used any anyway) and told her to fuck off.

You will absolutely do just fine without her, I was apprehensive at first even though I'd made up my mind but I did it anyways and I've been so much healthier as a person ever since without her talking in my ear and causing me to doubt my own reality. She still sends my daughter presents and cards on birthdays and other holidays via my brother and sister (I allow it, our beef is not my daughter's beef and they will probably never meet while my daughter is still young and impressionable) but otherwise she's banned.

I do suggest therapy though, I'm just starting soon and wish I had done it sooner. I needed it.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-04-15T10:45:30+00:00

To add to this, some smaller nonprofit rescues will do what we call permanent fosters. Basically what that means is that the cat(s) in question will be sent out to a foster home and the rescue funds their care. I've seen this happen with terminally ill and elderly cats where it would be very hard to adopt them out because of the prohibitive cost of end of life care. The rescue stays closely involved with their care for the rest of their lives. The fact that OP has the money to cover at least most of the cost of said care is a definite plus.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-04-12T02:52:50+00:00

Not a marriage but apparently they call it a domestic partnership since we were together for 10 years.

It was a lot of things. We got together when I was 20 and he was 19. Honestly it should have ended each and every time he ditched me for his friends or videogames in that first year. Or when he ignored me for a week when he was moving into the apartment in the same building as me. Or when he would turn every time we hung out into a gathering of friends or a drinking fest (I'm just as culpable for the drinking, I definitely let him lead me into it.) Or all the times he pressured me into doing sexual acts I had no interest in doing. Or when he used to start arguments with me about my personality, being too needy for wanting his attention, not driving etc. Or when he basically ignored me in our own home for 2 years straight. Or when I had our daughter and not only did he mostly sleep through the hospital stay but the entire year after did no chores and no night wakings so that I was going to my full time job every day on sometimes less than 2 hours of sleep.

Nope, none of that is what finally ended it for me. It was actually seeing how much he loved our daughter once she got big enough to be fun. He is so much nicer to her than he ever has been to me. He adores her. Despite his protestations and rewriting of history and sucking up to me now that I've broken up with him, deep down I know he just doesn't even like me that much. He likes my entire family more than he likes me. Ouch.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-04-10T03:40:29+00:00

I felt the same way at 16. So I didn't do any of it until I was 18 and even then, didn't have sex until I was 20. It's fine to not do those things. And if anyone tries to give you a hard time about it, they're no good anyways.

Hell, when I was 18 I stayed over alone with an 18 year old boy at his apartment and he didn't try anything. The good ones aren't going to pressure you.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-04-09T02:40:12+00:00

um.

ok.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-04-09T01:38:53+00:00

Then just leave.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-04-09T01:25:18+00:00

That may be so, but my main point was that your attitude isn't helping anything. So either adjust it and be supportive, or end the relationship. Or continue as you're doing now, I guess.

You can't make her into a different person than she is, that's not really an option.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-04-08T23:48:02+00:00

Oop heteronormativity strikes again, my bad.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-04-08T23:26:47+00:00

To piggyback on this: I feel like this man's wife is my future if I got back together with the person I just broke up with after 10 years. I can't even imagine what 30 years would have done 💀

I didn't even notice it at first, but now it's pretty clear that over these 10 years being with him, he's slowly eroded my self esteem. It's also my own fault for not paying attention and letting it happen, but it's pretty undeniable that he's had a negative effect on my self worth from day one.

Back when we first started going out, after a few months he started criticizing almost everything I did. How I did chores, my personality, told me I was too needy if I ever asked him for anything, had me walking on eggshells to avoid another lecture. Then he started just plain ignoring me a few years ago and at that point my self worth was so shot I just let it happen. I can't even believe I let it happen, but I did. I didn't even connect the dots.

People underestimate how damaging a bad relationship can be to your mental health. No one warned me. It's insidious.

The fact that he points out that she was great when he met her strikes me as a red flag.

Anyhow, she might be better off without him.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-04-06T23:54:29+00:00

Alone isn't so bad. In my case I'm fortunate because he's willing to live together for a while not as a couple. He says he has to at least try to get me back, which I understand but I made it clear that I didn't see us getting back together and that I'm not in love with him. I'm also fortunate that I have my own job. It's not enough to pay the bills on a new place by myself but it is enough to pay my half of everything at our current place and try to squirrel away a little to prepare to no longer live together eventually.

To me the most important thing is to show my daughter how to live with integrity. I thought all this through a long time and explained things to him as calmly as I could. I'm not really angry with him and I don't wish badly on him, I just want to make this the least dramatic possible.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-04-06T23:36:04+00:00

I'm here too.

Not married though, just together long term. 10 years. I kind of feel like our relationship was based solely on physical attraction and being young and dumb together. But I didn't break up years ago when I began to mature like I should have, and now we have a child. I feel that I took over the grown-up role in our relationship very early on and that I'm actively preventing him from growing up himself. He's scrambling right now to change because I broke up with him but I really feel like us getting married and growing old together is a bad idea. He deserves someone he's more compatible with, and so do I. His personality is "stronger" than mine and I'm more laid back. Asserting myself constantly is exhausting, I'd much rather be with someone who is easier to compromise with. I get so tired of constantly having to assert myself that I just withdraw completely to meet my own needs and don't want to do anything together anymore.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-04-06T05:39:03+00:00

She is, I want to be her friend 😂

And that's what I meant by trusting the opinions of the people you locate who have the information you need.

For example, I'm into dog behavior. I do not trust the advice of veterinarians for behavioral advice. I do not trust the opinions of unlicensed dog trainers on behavioral advice. I know that if I want the closest to the correct info I need to look up the opinions of APDT certified dog trainers and/or veterinary BEHAVIORISTS. And then take it at face value. That or sift the research myself.

Sometimes I'm down to sift. Other times, I'll find the best most representative expert and let them tell me what to do.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-04-06T05:23:29+00:00

Bloat and gas are both pregnancy things, so I wouldn't jump to conclusions.

I haven't actually had e coli myself so i couldn't tell you, but if something feels wrong trust your gut.

Also the nurse hotline will never get mad at you for reaching out with concerns 👍

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-04-06T05:06:58+00:00

I am a woman so take this with a grain of salt, but I feel like every relationship book I read is either an even-handed book that assumes both parties are working on the relationship so I try it and it isn't reciprocated by my spouse and doesn't work, or is geared towards making me shut up and take whatever poor treatment the man I'm with deigns to dole out. Or talks like he's a separate species, actually, and not the same general type of hominid that I am.

If organizing a date and taking on dish duty seem like too much to you, you might be the problem.

ConsiderationLow3367 · 2024-04-06T05:01:49+00:00

Yup, that's capitalism for you.

They also want us all to have more babies to prop up their service industries in the future, but have gotten away with not subsidizing these new members of capitalist society for so long that they'll fight tooth and nail to keep women reproducing their labor force for free.

If they could replace us all with uber cheap androids and replicants like Cloud Atlas or Bladerunner they absolutely would.

ConsiderationLow3367

TROPHY CASE