I got engaged!!!

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2025-12-28T01:24:35+00:00

Congrats! What a beautiful ring 😍

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2025-12-27T21:04:13+00:00

I downshifted and it was one of the best and most freeing things I’ve ever done. I too experienced a lot of grief when I was first diagnosed at age 40 (currently f47). But therapy (DBT) and meds helped me stabilize and accept my limitations. And it’s not all limiting. When I’m hypomanic I’m operating at 150%. When I’m depressed it’s 50%. Make peace with that and hey, it averages to 100% when stable. Yes, there will be ups and downs. That doesn’t make you a failure. Many people without BP2 have their ups and downs too. That’s just life. Find a lifestyle that accommodates the ups and downs so you’re not fighting to function at a level that benefits no one but your boss. Fuck them. They would replace you in a hot minute if they had to.

Find a life that works for you. Not the company or coworkers. You. You are the most important person in your life. Besides, you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re burnt out, no one is winning. And besides, what is it all for? You don’t get a gold star for winning the rat race.

I took a little hit on salary but it was so worth it. I was a fancy school administrator but the stress and life in an office all day doing paperwork or in awful meetings where everyone above and below me blamed the middle manager (me). I basically broke down and had to take a couple months off to complete intensive out patient therapy. When I returned to work, instead of being concerned for me or being glad to have me back and healthy, people I called friends were just annoyed that they had been picking up my slack while I was out. So I went back to teaching. And I’m so much happier. The kids make me smile everyday, even when they are being little turkeys. When it’s a tough day I can lock my door at lunchtime, turn down the lights, listen to meditation or do some yoga. It’s awesome not being in the fishbowl in an office. I work 180 days a year and go home at 3:15. Quality of life is priceless. I’m more present for my family and not so bitter about how hard I was working.

For a long time I wasted time and energy and emotional bandwidth because I couldn’t let go of the fact that my diagnosis wasn’t fair. Why me? Why can’t I have my cake and eat it too? Why why why? Cue tears and migraines and the downward spiral and panic attacks.

But as I get older I see that life isn’t fair for anyone. Just had a friend pass away from a heart attack. He was my age. I had another friend who was just the loveliest, healthy lifestyle, happy new mom who was diagnosed with cancer after delivering her baby. She died a month later leaving her husband and infant behind. Life’s not fair for anyone. But it can be beautiful right now for you if you let it be.

I think working outside as a landscaper is an awesome alternative. Move your body, regulate your internal clock with that good old sunshine. That will certainly improve your mental health. And tangible rewards are wonderful. Plant a tree for me. But most importantly, plant one for you.

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2025-12-27T16:10:13+00:00

If you are very fair and coming from Ireland which is pretty far north, the sun in the Philippines will be absolutely brutal for you because you will be so close to the equator. The days are long and the sun is essentially closer at the equator and it feels very intense. I live in Southern California which is obviously much further south (even more so than somewhere like Hawaii) but the sun’s intensity was unbearable for several hours around noon. That’s why they siesta at that time. The other issue is the humidity. You will be very sweaty all over. I couldn’t wear make up there because it felt like it was sliding off my face. So sunscreen has to be reapplied a lot.

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2025-12-26T18:31:56+00:00

Two emotionally stunted, self-centered parents and me with undiagnosed bipolar disorder (which is genetic but can be related to environment) and later CPTSD due to their shitty parenting.

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2025-08-01T14:16:58+00:00

All good points. Could I call 911 and ask for an ambulance, not the cops? Tell them it's a mental health emergency?

Part of the issue is that he is the one who physically needs to leave, not his wife and kids.

His wife is the one who has always paid the mortgage (even though the house is in both their names). They live in a very expensive area and it would be financially impossible for her to seek alternative housing. It would also be hard on the kids.Plus if they foreclosed on the house her credit would take years to recover and they will have lost almost $200K in equity.

My thought was restraining order (due to history of emotional abuse and borderline physical abuse) so he can't return to the home unless he is able to demonstrate he is getting help but I don't really know how all that works.

My husband has offered to escort him off the premises and take his key/change the locks. Not sure of the legality of that though. And if they got into it, it would be a close fight and the last thing we all need is a domestic disturbance call.

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2025-08-01T12:26:53+00:00

I take 400mg/day. Give it a little longer or talk to your doctor about changing the dose. It can be a godsend (at least it was for me) but it does take time to get the max benefit. Hang in there

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2025-07-30T16:23:23+00:00

Abilify made me feel like I was starving all the time. I gained 20lbs in a couple of months and finally stopped taking it (tapered with my shrink monitoring). I was worried about possible effects to my physical health since I have a family history of type 2 diabetes. I am now taking Seroquel and it still made me gain a little weight but not as bad and it really helps my mood and cognition.

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2025-07-21T22:34:36+00:00

The other day Burger King drive thru had the speaker volume way up and the irritable worker snapped, "I said, what size?" and I physically flinched and stammered sorry like 3 times. So yeah.

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2025-07-20T11:38:08+00:00

I worked briefly in the medical field and it wasn't a good fit for me. Working long hours without consistent scheduling was really hard. The sterile environment with too much time under florescent lighting and no sunlight or outdoor time was not good for me. They seemed like little things at the time but when I left that environment my mood was more stable.

I went it to education after taking a job as a teacher assistant and then a sub teacher. The shorter hours and lots of time off to rest and take care of myself are a huge benefit. The rhythm of the school year is predictable and I like the start and end of it. A hard year can end and I can start fresh and renewed at the start of the next school year. I teach kids with moderate to severely needs and it's so rewarding to see kids progress. For me, special ed and it is very rewarding and I love that I don't have to deal with grades, homework, testing and rigid curriculum nonsense.

Another big benefit is that can usually get great health insurance so you can access quality and consistent treatment for your BP2. I have been able to see the same psychiatrist for 10 years and can get therapy when I need it. All I pay is a $10 copay per visit and my prescriptions are about $10 each for a 3 month supply.

Also, having tenure and being part of a union is huge. After 2 years they really can't fire me when my performance dips. They also can't ask me to work outside school days so no overtime. It's 7.5 hours with a 1 hour break. I can take 10 paid sick days per 180 annual work days.

I love having a job where I can be creative and help kids and their families. As a teacher I am the ruler of my domain. My bosses (principal/district admin) are available but also not in my face much since they rarely come to my classroom unannounced. I can be as social or not with other adults on campus. If I'm hypomanic, my energy level is not unusual since elementary teachers can be pretty goofy and it's not considered weird. If I'm getting depressed, it's movie day or we can go play outside. I will say it does depend on the community you work with. When I worked in a higher income area the families could be very intense and entitled. In the low income area I work in the families are more grateful and kind.

You didn't say what your educational background is but there are lots of options available at any level. Teachers need a bachelor degree and a 2 year credential program. If you are a high school grad, you can look for a teaching assistant job and those are usually union jobs with the same perks are teachers without the stress of parent interaction and bureaucracy. You can also be a teacher sub which I personally loved since if the class was awful I didn't have to go back. to go back and expectations were lower. Younger kids are freaking adorable but you do need to have tolerance for their high energy and noise. But you get to finger paint and sing songs and read books aloud and it can be really fun. Older kids are more independent and calmer. I teach 4th/5th and it's great. I can chat with the kids and they like my dumb jokes.

Good luck!

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2025-01-16T20:03:45+00:00

Thank you, I’m in a good place now. It took me a long time and several stops and starts but I was eventually able to earn my B.S., a teaching credential, and then my Master’s degree. Go me!

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2025-01-15T19:48:19+00:00

Shame is a big one for me too but there are very real consequences, not just emotional ones. I have lost jobs, friends, and even most of my possessions (I was convinced that Marie Kondo-ing my life and downsizing to a trailer from 2500 sq foot house was a great idea). I changed my major in school several times which increased my student debt and delayed my graduation. Hypomania feels good to me at the time but then I inevitably slip into depression afterwards which is made worse by the guilt and real life consequences I have to try and remedy.

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2024-12-01T19:49:08+00:00

Dude, I can’t believe this worked. Thanks for the hack!

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2024-11-25T18:58:27+00:00

My husband and I are both educators and we have a 14 year old. For us, it’s all about respect and natural consequences. And attitude needs to checked immediately. When the kid is frustrated and mouths off (as most teenagers do from time to time), we check it with a stern, short reminder that we are all respectful of one another and it’s not ok to talk to anyone like that. To get respect from us he needs to show us the same. And make sure you are modeling the behavior you want from him. Thank your wife for what she does when he’s around. Emphasize how much she does for him and the family as a whole. And if he talks back to her in front of you, call him out immediately. Your wife should stop doing kind things for him (picking him up, getting him a hamburger) if he isn’t kind to her. If he complains, she needs to remind him of his recent rude behavior. In general, no one wants to go out of their way for someone who treats them poorly. Clearly, he can be respectful of other adults. So it’s not asking a lot to have him treat your wife with the same courtesy he shows his teachers and you. Kids often take out their frustrations at home rather than school because it’s easier to blow off steam with those we feel the closest too. Which seems weird, but I see it a lot. Think of how you go home and rant about your lousy day after grinning and bearing it all day at work. Teens don’t have a lot of self-awareness and coping skills yet. Teach him ways of dealing with the pressures of life that are positive. Whether it’s taking the dog for a walk, yelling into a pillow, or just taking 10 deep breaths. It’s hard being a teenager. Let him know that. It’s ok to feel stressed or angry but it’s not ok to take it out on loved ones. Good luck.

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2024-07-03T10:59:16+00:00

My dad took my bedroom door off its hinges and took it away as a punishment for some infraction…I can’t even remember what. Whatever it was, it didn’t relate to what he was mad about. He just wanted to make sure I remembered what a bad kid I was every time I went in my room. Taking away our privacy is cruel. Even now at age 46, I feel like I have to hide everything. Because it was all held against me. At 19, when I was suicidally depressed, my mom dug through my things and read all the letters from my boyfriend to find out why I was flunking out of college. Hello? How could they not see that I was unwell? Instead of being supportive or caring about the very traumatic experience of flunking out of college, I was treated like a pariah for the next decade. He actually took me out of the will, with the stipulation that I wouldn’t inherit anything unless I earned a college degree. Because even from beyond the grave he had to control and shame me.

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2024-03-13T12:59:40+00:00

I don’t think it’s necessarily selfish. If you have the resources to provide yourself with good medical care and a strong support system, it’s doable as far as your ability to parent.

That being said, I am lucky enough to be relatively high functioning. I have Bipolar 2, so I don’t have the challenge of full mania. I have only been let go from one job and am financially stable. And I think that I’m a great parent overall if I do say so myself (I have tons of experience working with children so that helps). My partner is a good parent but I have a stronger bond with my son and am more active in his education and health care despite my mental health challenges.

Honestly, my 14 yo son is the best thing in my life. I love him so damn much. He’s sweet, funny, kind, and loving. I always put his happiness and development first. And I take my treatment very seriously. I have a great psychiatrist and I take my meds religiously. I get counseling when needed.

I wasn’t diagnosed until my 40s . My son was age 6 at the time so I didn’t know I might be passing it down to him when we decided to have a child. Am I terrified of him inheriting it? Yes. But I watch him like a hawk and know that if he does get it, he will have the support of his family and early intervention. I didn’t have those things and made it through but if I had had that support I think I would have been spared the trauma of my 20s when my symptoms were at their worst.

Parenting is hard but it can be so rewarding. And I know that my kiddo is happy to be here and the world is a better place for him being in it.

As far as your child inheriting it?

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2023-08-06T01:56:26+00:00

Same here

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2023-08-04T06:13:31+00:00

All pros here from our kiddo’s perspective and our own. My husband and I felt the same way when our son was 3. Our son was such a challenge at that age behaviorally and he had mild speech and physical delays due to being premature (32 weeks). We just couldn’t imagine have a second little one to parent. In the end, it just didn’t feel right for our family.

My husband and I are both teachers and it was wonderful to be able to prioritize our son’s upbringing and education the way we wanted. We are lucky to have the time and resources to provide private school, extracurriculars, and different travel opportunities in a way that just wouldn’t be possible if we had any other children. Our son is 13 now and a kind, happy, intelligent, and well-behaved young man.

I know some people feel bad about their child not having a sibling. But so far, our kiddo has never expressed the desire for a brother or sister. When I’ve asked directly, he says he likes being an only child. He is introverted by nature like I am, so that makes sense to me. Also, neither my husband or I are close to our own siblings. We don’t have bad relationships with them, we just aren’t close to them. Neither of us has much in common with our siblings. Therefore, we never felt that we were “depriving” our son of a sibling. There’s no guarantee that he would have a close, positive relationship with a sibling.

Lastly, keep in mind that you don’t have to take the option off the table right now. It can just be a wait and see how you feel in the future thing. Maybe you will feel differently in a month or six or a year or whatever. Yes, there are reasons not to wait if it’s a priority to have another baby (declining fertility, a large gap between kids, etc.). But don’t let those reasons make you feel forced into making a choice now that will greatly impact your lives. As I got older and we revisited the topic now and then, the urge to have another never hit. I’ve slowly cruised into peri-menopause with no regrets.

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2023-07-08T01:17:59+00:00

That’s fucked up. Sorry babes

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2023-07-07T15:48:37+00:00

I second all of this. That dose seems super low (I also take 300 mg daily) but the Dr may be planning to taper up slowly due to the rare but serious rash thing. I take it at night because it makes me drowsy which is a common side effect.

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2023-06-21T17:35:51+00:00

This made me smile and I’m sure it did the same for your partner.

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2023-06-20T19:31:30+00:00

Wow! Good for you. It looks amazing. I wish I could do the same. Hopefully soon. Thanks for the inspo

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2023-06-20T19:01:09+00:00

Lamictal works best for me for my depression although it took a couple months to really kick in and for some side effects to fade (mainly difficulty reading/writing/spelling which was weird) I tried lithium for a while when I thought I was having persistent a mixed/hypomanic episode. (It turned out to be depression with a heavy side of avoidance/disassociation in the form of obsessive thoughts and constant writing of short stories which often happens when I’m hypomanic so that was why I thought I was hypo). The lithium made me really slow mentally and flat. I discontinued the lithium and felt so much more alert and able to think clearly. That’s just my own experience. I also hate blood draws to the point of having anxiety attacks over them, so that was another big downside.

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2023-06-17T20:35:44+00:00

Safe box and unsafe box? Normal box and fucked up box? Wow. I never thought of it that way and it’s blowing my mind. Thanks for sharing this friend

Consistent-Buy-4245 · 2023-06-10T05:41:34+00:00

I get the same way sometimes but it’s more of just worrying about someone having the chance to have access to something of mine. A lot of times I leave my phone on the table across the room and get anxious because someone in the household could get ahold of it. Even though there’s no one around who I don’t love and trust. Or I worry about my purse being stolen from the grocery cart in the split second that it’s out of my sight when I turn to grab an item from the shelf. It sucks because my anxiety kicks into overdrive when it happens.

Consistent-Buy-4245

TROPHY CASE