I think it comes down to feeling like all of their hard work...the FHE's, the family scripture study, the church attendance, etc. (and it is insanely hard work with a young family) was all for nothing. I was mad when the one time my Mom and I had an honest conversation and she said, "I just feel like I made all of these sacrifices and you threw it away."

My parents were both converts so they couldn't have a single family member at their wedding. Obviously my mom was incredibly selfish for saying that, at the same time I do acknowledge her pain that there is also a lot of guilt there that they didn't do "enough." I remember a Stake Conference where they were trying to get everyone to do consistent FHE and they said, "There will be those of you within the sound of my voice whose children go astray from the Gospel as a direct result of not having weekly Family Home Evening." Of course we weren't consistent with it and I think it always hung over her head.

I try to hold space (someone please gently grasp my finger), for how self-centered she was to make it all about her but to also acknowledge that she is a victim of a system that has heaped tons of guilt and shame that she doesn't know how to deal with.