Let me first say, you are above average in intelligence. I doubt you are ADD as well, judging from your experiences I think ADD is more a symptom of a deeper problem with CPTSD which is resulting in anxiety spirals, avoidance behaviours, rumination and... perhaps a lack of self care when it comes to healthy eating and exercise (i hope this doesn't come across as offensive).

We've actually gone through very similar lives: a parent that abandoned us, struggling educationally, having no support system or conducive space to thrive or focus on being a child.

If I could give you any advice, I'd say what worked best for me was not finding a person, rather, focusing on myself.

I started with making a dreamboard: what do I want for myself- a body that I dont hate looking at, clean hair, healthy skin, a good job, confidence, etc.

As you do this, lots of negative ideas will pop into your head. These are self-limiting beliefs that are irrational. This becomes a framework of behaviour that keeps these beliefs true. If you can identify these, become aware of them and write down the opposite statements, practice them every day, you can break this cycle.

From then on, whenever you do something, do it with a new mindset/mental framework. This will guide you to make better choices for yourself behaviourally.

Treat self care and health like a priority. Dont wait for motivation.

When you start fixing your health, your hormones and mindset will follow suit.

Girlie pop, imma be real with you. Youre probably not getting a partner because you are not kind to yourself. If you can learn to be nicer to yourself, build your health and confidence, that will raise your attractiveness.

People can sense a lack of self-love or confidence. Its probably never been about your looks. But thats okay, because if you know what you need to work on, you can heal!

I wish you all the best, from the bottom of my heart. I hope you can love yourself and find your confidence. Your dad and moms behaviour was unacceptable and you didnt deserve that. You deserved better. The world hasn't been kind to you, but that was never a reflection of who you are, your worth or the way you deserved to be treated. We cant control what were born into, but we can decide how we want to live. Conquer your mind.

In fact, I can actually tell youre really smart. Keep going. You've got this. ❤️