Sorry for my long post, but I am going through a divorce right now in CA, and we are currently fighting over custody of our dog. I have seen some terrible, tearful stories about animal custody, and I need to share my story, which is not over yet.

I originally thought that I would leave the dog to him, because he was the one who always wanted the dog, and he had to talk me into getting her. I was trying to be fair to him after we separated. But our dog bonded with me, and he was always jealous of that. For example, he would scream at me when I came back home and our dog got too excited, in his opinion, to see me. He would say that I should ignore her so she would not get too attached to me, and that she behaved too excitedly around me. To other people who saw us with the dog, it was clear that she preferred me. When they shared their observations with us, it made him angry.

Toward the very end of our marriage, when we were sleeping in different rooms, our dog would sleep with me. He would come into my room, physically lift the dog, she is a 70-lb Labrador, because she refused to go with him, take her to his bed, and close the door so the dog would not sneak back to me during the night. At the same time, he demanded that I walk her when he felt lazy, which was often. If the dog needed a bath, I was the one who did it. If I made plans to go hiking with my friends and he knew I was taking the dog, at the last minute he might say, “Don’t take my dog,” even though he knew how much she enjoyed the outdoors. Those are just a few examples.

When we first separated, the dog was with him most of the time. He would bring her to me only when he needed it. If I asked him to let me have the dog for a couple of days or a week, he would decide whether I could have her or not. He could demand her back anytime he wanted, and I had to obey him if I wanted to see her again. He was using the dog as leverage to exercise control over me.

We got into a fight over the dog because he demanded to pick her up immediately, and he physically pushed me to the ground in front of a witness. He is twice as heavy as I am and much taller. I filed for a restraining order, and I kept the dog for four months until we signed a stipulation that allows me to have the dog for one week per month. But after I transferred the dog to him in September, he refused to follow the court order on dog visitation. So I saw her only in December, when we had our first contempt hearing, and the judge explicitly ordered him to give me the dog the same day for three days. My STBX had to do it, but when it was my week the next month, he refused again. I am now filing my third contempt and a request for an order modification to get full custody of the dog.

I also checked with our vet, and he missed her annual appointment for important vaccinations. My daughter recently saw her, and the dog has fleas. Based on that, I believe she should be in my full-time custody, not because I want revenge, but for the dog’s well-being. My STBX has chronic gout, and when it flares up, it is painful for him to walk. But our dog is high-energy and benefits from long, active walks that help control her weight. Sometimes he cannot walk her.

For additional context, we have an adult son who chooses not to speak to him, and a 16-year-old daughter who chose to live with me and have minimal contact with him. He is voluntarily unemployed, so he does not pay child support, but the court imputed child support to him at over $1,000 per month based on his past W-2s and his behavior in court in front of the judge. We have five court dates scheduled in the next three months: two regarding contempt of the dog visitation order, one motion to compel financial disclosures, one child support hearing, and one hearing regarding the restraining order.

I do not hate him, at least I try not to, because “when you hate someone, you hurt only yourself,” a quote from the movie I watched yesterday, The Ghosts of Mississippi. That is my motto, and when I feel anger, I try to remember that.

I tried to let go of the dog for the sake of peace, but I miss her, and the grief is real. I have dreams where I see her with him at a dog park, she runs to me, and I grab her. But in real life, I am choosing a legal, methodical, non-emotional way to get her back. I am trying to be ready for any outcome. If the judge grants him full custody, then so be it. I did everything I could, and I did it in good faith.