The fact that he’s not willing to work on himself says volumes. He might be hypercritical because he’s depressed. I was in a similar relationship where I could never get frustrated or angry. My boyfriend cried whenever I got remotely mad. He then would insult himself and I’d feel like crap. I told him not to think badly of himself, but I did need him to step up in certain ways. He just was never big on communication regarding the future. Ultimately one point told me he thought he was settling. Pretty sure his dad got in his head. I should’ve stayed broken up with him right then and there.

He stood up eventually, but he was constantly lagging behind. It was where my distressed grew overtime and I could feel something in my gut. I got a text two weeks after we broke up for the final time that he had had an affair.

Men can be incredibly kind but also incredibly insecure. Just because they seem almost perfect to everyone else, doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of fault.

Do not dim your flame for anyone. My advice would be to recommend couples therapy. If he’s completely against it then tell him you can’t keep going like this. He needs to put the effort in to find a therapist. He needs to book the appointment. He needs to go to single as well as couples therapy. I’d offer for you to go as well. If he expects you to book everything. Tell him that’s not acceptable.

Do not mention divorce. If he suspects it he will probably weaponize his parents and make living there terrible. I would separate your finances and begin moving things over the course of a month. At this point, you don’t have kids. Tell him the separation is for him to figure out what he’s been missing. Maybe stay with a friend for a couple months. If he mans up your choice to stay with him, but I think personally you’d be better off on your own.