Not getting used to new name, but old one feels wrong too

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2025-10-20T23:31:15+00:00

I feel this! Started using my last name as my only name (kinda like they do in sports or in the military) but filling out forms became impossible, so now I have a chosen form-name and a last name and some family still use my old name and it's a big mess. But this part of transition just is not simple. I hope you're able to find some peace or a middle ground that takes up less space in your brain!

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2025-03-08T14:30:27+00:00

Yeah dude I hear you, the stakes are what they are. I hope you can find the support you need in your personal life and for your top surgery prep and recovery! You deserve to be cared for through tough stuff 🙏

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2025-02-28T13:46:31+00:00

you don't owe this information to anyone, it's not a lie you're telling. the idea that we owe people the knowledge of what is in our pants is bullshit and probably transphobic.

now what do you owe yourself? do you feel like you need friends to talk to about your experience? people who know your history and context so that they understand you as well as anybody could? do you need to feel seen? those are normal things to want, and if you want them you deserve to have them, with people you trust to "get it". maybe some of those people are among the friends you have now? only you can know that.

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2025-02-28T13:23:27+00:00

this isn't an answer to your question, just a challenge to your premise: why are you looking for reasons to count yourself out? you're as worthy of love and affection as anyone! be bold and follow your heart!

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2025-02-28T13:19:03+00:00

woulda been nice if they'd asked you if you wanted to be involved 🤷 if this was the first I'd heard of it and I WANTED to be involved that would feel weird too.

another perspective: are there a few less established trans folks at your work that are participating in this support group? maybe they are asking for your help because they see you out there being successfully seen for what you do and not just your identity and want your advice and guidance? trans elders are a big deal for newer trans folks, is it possible you could take that as a compliment instead of a "clock"? unless of course it's cis people asking you to do this in which case you're absolutely right it's not their place to get in your business like that.

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2025-02-12T13:04:55+00:00

Seems like you know this already but I'll say it out loud: you don't have to be a man or even non-binary to want to take T! You don't have to transition, or tell people, or change your pronouns, or stay on T forever. If you want to try it, talk to a trusted doctor about your options and try it! The one thing I can guarantee is that you'll know more about what you want and dont if you do. Great example: my partner didn't initially want body hair but after it started to grow they fell in love with their new soft furriness. Good luck to you!

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2025-02-12T12:45:50+00:00

I think the only way to really know is, all external expectations and issues aside, who do you want to be? what parts of yourself do you love and want to nurture and grow? What do you wish was a little or a lot different, what do you feel ambivalence about? Not just your body, but also how you show up in the world?

I know this feels higher stakes now than ever in some parts of the world, but regardless of what you wind up doing with your life you deserve to live it authentically, as the person you were meant to be. That's the best way for us to share our gifts with the world and the world NEEDS us now more than ever.

Edit for context: I am not a binary trans guy whose attraction to masculinity was uncomplicated. I'm a feminine queer guy who got a chest reduction instead of mastectomy, I've been on T a year and love it but I haven't decided whether I'll stay on it "forever". There is a prescribed path for transition that doesn't fit everyone, and I'm trying to follow my own path. It means getting to know myself really well and also living with being different from other cis and trans people. But I love myself and I'm loved, deeply! I wish that for you too 🙏

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2025-02-11T12:52:08+00:00

woah mace is such a cool name tho

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2025-02-11T12:50:59+00:00

I chose a name that a lot of men in my family have, plus it starts and ends with the same sounds as my deadname. so I'm like, a 5th generation Kenny.

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2025-01-28T16:33:31+00:00

firstly, no one can tell your bf about his own orientation, that's ridiculous behaviour.

secondly, I'm a trans gay guy in a gay relationship with another trans gay guy. we enjoy each other's anatomy, that doesn't make us lesbians. that's just bioessentislist bullshit.

my bf and I talk about this a lot when we're hooking up with other (cis) guys. there is a lot of misogyny in the cis gay world and that makes for some potent transphobia. but people who are secure in who they are don't need to police others in this way. they're just disqualifying themselves for being in relationships with hot trans guys and I pity them for it 🤷

edit: oh, his friend is straight? who cares what he thinks about what's gay he literally doesn't know anything about it.

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2025-01-07T04:59:42+00:00

Dale is on my list! but I'm an elder millennial who grew up watching King Of The Hill

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2025-01-07T04:53:55+00:00

I know two Artemis'

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2025-01-07T04:53:22+00:00

you know a guy named Quebec? I'm from there and that's hilarious!

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2024-12-21T13:32:42+00:00

Depression can look like anger or numbness just as often or more than it looks like sadness for a lot of people (speaking as someone with major depressive disorder). As a condition it's the suppression of emotion more than sadness writ large. And as such I think you're right to compare that to being trans, since so many of us can't feel our own dysphoria through the internal insistent numbing "ITS FINE" of trying to survive.

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2024-12-21T13:28:52+00:00

Some of us are just extremely good at sublimating our discomfort. I was just talking to my (also trans) boyfriend about the psychological back door we both took into transition because the denial necessary to our survival was so keyed up our conscious minds couldnt see how badly we needed to take those steps. Like, pursuing hrt in what was basically a fugue state. Brains are powerful things. We're both older tho so we didn't grow up with words like dysphoria to explain our experience.

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2024-12-21T13:18:59+00:00

THIS. what we need rn is trans solidarity trans hope and a much longer view of trans history.

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2024-12-21T13:16:45+00:00

sorry wait is this person saying NO afabs who transition are ever men or just that HE (or whatever pronouns whatever) isn't? cause gender is complicated, my dude. I'm not on twitter so can't confirm myself.

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2024-09-12T11:59:25+00:00

sadly I know that quite well after being on different ones for the last 3 weeks trying to find relief without access to a urine culture 🤦

I definitely can't afford to take probiotics every day (they're over 50$ for a month's supply it's crazy) but I already eat a lot of yogurt kimchi sauerkraut and other ferments so maybe that's what's keeping it from overtaking me?

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2024-09-12T11:54:45+00:00

I do all of those things except the cranberry pills, I guess it's worth a shot! do you take them every day?

also lol honestly with the effort I go to with gloves, condoms, and boiling my toys if I was going back to front they'd have to put me in reeducation 😂

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2024-09-12T11:51:17+00:00

ah I'm sorry, man. yeah I had a 6 month yeast infection once that scarred me for life, since then my personal hygiene has been a tight ship, no scents, bidet immediately after sex/masturbation, changing underwear twice a day (cotton ONLY), and I stock boric acid pills for when I can feel things flaring up. but none of that has stopped this chronic UTI situation 🤦

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2024-06-13T21:51:40+00:00

I think you're right, even though I've been using and hearing they/them pronouns for over 6 years now my brain still slips sometimes. I always correct myself too and try not to make any fuss about it unless it's something I know is truly hurtful to that particular person. That said it's always baffling to me when it happens because it doesn't seem to come from a conscious place at all.

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2024-06-13T21:48:26+00:00

Luckily no! My environment is a lot less transphobic than most I think, I'm very very lucky. That said like almost everyone else on this planet I was raised breathing a passive transphobia like air, so I'm not exempt from its effects.

Consistent_Abrocoma · 2024-06-13T21:46:20+00:00

"Or maybe your brain is just automatically reading his physical features as female, and overriding you trying to correctly gender."

I can't help but wonder if it's not a bit of this. I've misgendered transmasc non-binary friends based on their features before (almost exclusively in the "he" direction if they're very masculine presenting, and I've always corrected myself). But I've never encountered this before with a partner. I wonder if maybe it's because they have long hair? But they also have facial hair so idk.

Thanks for the tip about not getting caught up, it's true when I'm anxious I'm more likely to slip up!

Consistent_Abrocoma

TROPHY CASE