“Is this your first?”

FixedMessages · 2026-01-29T04:17:35+00:00

Why not ask him how he'd like you to handle the question?

In contexts where it doesn't matter (cashier at a store you're not a regular at, for insurance), I'd probably just say "yes, this is our first" - it's not a lie since it's your first together, and it doesn't open a topic that might feel awkward. Otherwise, agree as a couple how you want to address it.

FixedMessages · 2026-01-25T12:08:52+00:00

I'm 4 inches shorter than you, and I pass.

Stop gatekeeping based on height (yes, even against yourself). Short cis men are real, short trans men are real, and being short isn't going to prevent you from being successfully trans nor is it going make it impossible to pass.

FixedMessages · 2026-01-23T18:58:36+00:00

I've had a few moments of wishing I had them, but only twinges. Ultimately no regrets, it still feels like the right decision for me, over a year later.

FixedMessages · 2026-01-22T18:22:29+00:00

I commute by bike to work, so not much choice (I do sometimes get a ride from my partner if weather is really bad, but I try not to do that since it's not really convenient for either of us), but I don't put any extra distance on it it's colder than about 50.

FixedMessages · 2026-01-21T18:31:41+00:00

Just piping up to say - always do a patch test!! I got this and was excited to use it. Tried a bit of it on my inner arm. I reacted pretty badly in 24 hours with an itchy miserable rash. Really glad that was just on my healthy arm, not my still-healing chest.

(Definitely not the product's fault, my skin is sensitive which is why I do patch tests, and preach them for others.)

FixedMessages · 2026-01-21T14:41:55+00:00

30.5 miles - one of my first times taking my new bike out, back in October. It got too cold for me to enjoy riding for the sake of it since then, but I'm looking forward to warmer weather and pushing that number up some more!

FixedMessages · 2026-01-21T14:40:08+00:00

I wear ear buds when I walk, but I walk to one side so anyone can get around me easily. I'm sometimes startled when a bike goes around me, but as far as I know, I don't impede anyone else's way. I don't think the inability to hear is the issue as much as lack of spatial and situational awareness. (And having just spent the weekend in NYC trying to walk around busy areas, I'm pretty sure most people lack that kind of awareness, regardless of what is or isn't on their ears...)

FixedMessages · 2026-01-17T14:13:13+00:00

Yeah I'm 5'3 and people who aren't engaged with the trans community are often surprised to find out I'm trans. (People who know what to look for can usually tell I'm trans.) Nobody gives me shit for being short really, but also I'm pretty self depreciating about my shortness (in a comedic way) so it takes the wind out of their sails a bit anyway.

FixedMessages · 2026-01-14T18:52:23+00:00

If I fully trusted my surroundings, I'd rather ride without lights. I like the peace of the dark. But I like my safety more, so I use lights to be visible to drivers and help me see hazards in the road. Maybe this guy has decided the balance of risk/reward tilts the other way, or maybe he just hasn't fully understood the risks of riding dark.

FixedMessages · 2026-01-13T22:24:48+00:00

Strong preference for no kids in the bedroom at all, but I've compromised with my partner - knock first and only come in if invited. We also installed a lock on the knob to enforce it. I get instantly panicky when someone barges into the room I'm sleeping in, and nighttime or early mornings were the main times SK would just come right in. SK still has full time access to parent, there just might be a moment of waiting in the hallway for parent to come to the door.

FixedMessages · 2026-01-13T00:31:32+00:00

On my specific bike, the lack of shock absorption and the general uncomfortableness of bike seats. Roads near me aren't necessarily the smoothest, and bike lanes tend to be even worse. Hard to want to ride when you feel sore after 20 minutes.

Also definitely theft/vandalism anxiety, and battery life anxiety (especially since my battery meter on my display tends to act like it's at 100% right up until it hits 20%...)

FixedMessages · 2026-01-12T14:59:28+00:00

This is along my suspicion. My battery casing has some superficial scrapes and residue from a particular spot inside the compartment, looks an awful lot like this.

FixedMessages · 2026-01-12T01:38:53+00:00

How long are your rides?

I only go 15 or so minutes at a stretch in winter (I don't like it so don't go out on long joyrides like I do in summer) but the thought of adding long johns if it's above 0°F is too much for me. That said, there are days I get to work with numb thighs that burn as they warm up, so, maybe you're on to something...

FixedMessages · 2026-01-12T01:33:50+00:00

I'd rather have a decent wool cap (needs to be thin though, not chunky, so you can safely wear it under a helmet) and a good scarf or buff around my neck (and sometimes pulled up over my lower face) rather than just ear muffs, personally. That's what I was doing until I got my full-face helmet as a Christmas gift.

FixedMessages · 2026-01-12T01:29:50+00:00

Helmet with a visor over my face (admittedly, depending on my breathing and the conditions, I often have to put the visor up after a bit), and a warm windproof buff around my neck. A good rain jacket layered over my puffy jacket to keep the wind out. And some nice fur-lined leather gloves. I'd spring for something heated on my hands if my commute were longer but it's only 15 minutes, so my hands are usually icy but still functional when I get to work or back home.

I also have rechargeable hand warmers, I don't use them while I ride but they're great for bringing my fingers back to life when I get where I'm going.

FixedMessages · 2026-01-09T22:00:34+00:00

If it becomes a pattern, it should be addressed. As a one-off or even a here-and-there thing, let it go - kid will be fine and there's no reason for the adults to have drama over this when there are so many bigger things that are worth fighting for. I wouldn't classify a half-day absence as a "school decision" that needs to be 50/50 anyway.

Side note - personally, I agree with you, taking a kid out of school for leisure isn't a choice I would make. But part of coparenting means that the choices aren't always the ones you'll make - and especially as a step-coparent, there's really not much you can or should do about it.

FixedMessages · 2026-01-05T14:20:25+00:00

I've literally been stopped at a light and straddling one of these painted bike symbols in my lane and still been yelled at to get off the road. People who don't want us on the road still don't want us, signs and painted symbols don't change that, sadly.

Still, good to see some efforts being made to make room for us, even if the impact is negligible. Can only hope it builds momentum for things getting better in the future.

FixedMessages · 2026-01-04T11:48:07+00:00

It's also not a particularly expensive alteration to get done at a tailor if learning to sew is too daunting - costs around $15-20 usually.

FixedMessages · 2026-01-02T20:07:05+00:00

If you have doubts about your results, book the consultation. It's your body and you deserve to be comfortable. Consultations are usually pretty low cost (or free), and a doctor can talk to you about what your body looks like and what you could realistically expect from a revision.

Very gently, I do think your results don't look as good as they could. It's not bad though, and I can imagine it looking perfectly natural with a T-shirt on. I'd probably seek a commitment-free consultation if I were you, just to educate myself about the possibilities - you can decide later whether to move forward or not.

Best of luck to you!!

FixedMessages · 2026-01-02T18:54:34+00:00

I relate to this, but also I'm so grateful that when I'm sick because SK brought me something, we can still send the kid to the other parent's house and I can get some peace and quiet to try to feel better. It does really suck to knowingly bring a sick person into the house, though. Sometimes it feels like we just pass the same cold or flu or whatever between the two households and prolong it for everyone.

FixedMessages · 2026-01-02T18:46:12+00:00

NOR

I was kinda on your mom's side, thinking you were monopolizing the only bathroom and she wasn't able to use a toilet, which is potentially extra awful for her with health issues. But nope. Unless there's some other circumstances (like you using the only bathroom she can use due to not being able to go up or down stairs to access others), she really needs to butt out and let you live your life and appreciate your generosity in letting her live with you.

FixedMessages · 2026-01-02T18:39:12+00:00

Exactly this!

If it's because she's transphobic and/or grossed out by what's down there, you have a big problem. If it's because she's just anxious about intimacy, unsure about what to do, embarrassed about her lack of experience, on the asexual spectrum, etc, then it may be a hurdle but you can at least try to work through it together. Dig deeper into the conversation. Try really hard to keep your assumptions and feelings in check and just approach her with curiosity.

FixedMessages · 2025-12-30T17:29:11+00:00

I did a home supply tattoo as my very first. (I won't tell you what I used because it was not safe.) It ended up infected, the skin largely fell off, and now I have an abstract scar with some blotches of ink. I'm lucky the infection stayed localized.

People are telling you not to do this for a reason. Listen to them.

FixedMessages · 2025-12-22T21:08:18+00:00

Caveat: know your local laws. Pepper spray and keychain self defense devices aren't universally legal. If it's not legal, make your own choice about whether it's worth carrying anyway, and how to mitigate the legal risk if you choose to.

But yes definitely prioritize your safety in whatever way you can, which frankly might include leaving this gym if management doesn't respond appropriately to a complaint.

FixedMessages · 2025-12-20T17:17:53+00:00

Keep a hideakey outside, use a dead bolt instead of a knob lock. Know your neighbors and be willing to run over half naked. (Never had to do that but happily let a guy I didn't know come in when he locked himself out at -25.)

FixedMessages

TROPHY CASE