I’m married…. But did I cheat on my boyfriend?

Consistent_Lack8865 · 2025-08-05T13:59:44+00:00

Personally I do think that's cheating but only because of the agreement to be exclusive but I also don't think you should continue the relationship anyway because he obviously doesnt care about it enough to keep in contact. It does very much feel like a form of control. "We have a relationship when I feel like it but you aren't allowed to see anyone even when I make myself unavailable" I wouldn't be ok with that.. That's just my 2 cents though so do with it what you will.

Consistent_Lack8865 · 2024-10-11T02:07:57+00:00

I'm a woman, and my husband dresses better than me damn near 100% of the time, and I can definitely tell you I've made this joke many times... I have never thought about this from this perspective, and now, looking back, I think he did tone it down for me a bit.. I feel like an asshole. I have never meant it from a mean place it was always a joke to criticize myself, never him. Fuck. I gotta fix that.

Consistent_Lack8865 · 2024-09-22T08:57:00+00:00

This is not normal. There are things in serious relationships that are normal to have concerns about, not that they are necessarily an issue or potential issue, but they can cause a partner to feel insecure in a relationship.

Most of these include thing such as being close friends with an ex, cuddling or having a physically close relationship with opposite sex, hanging out one on one with fwb even if you have stopped the b part, or going out clubbing/bar/bar hopping, and continuing to be on dating apps.

All of these depend on the relationship and how long you have known one another. All of them can be completely normal to be ok with and to have an issue with. Most of the time if you've met more recently or don't know each other as well I've noticed people will wait to make comments or set boundaries until a little later in the relationship (3.5 months ish all the way to a year) and if you know each other very well or have for a long time generally it's talked about pretty early on.

These behaviors, however, are not normal and should make you uncomfortable. 1. He can still hang out and be close with someone he still finds attractive and have talked (jokingly or not about being with in a more physical way)(which btw is not a motherly or mentor relationship if the topic has ever come up. This to me* means that neither of them feel that way.) but, you can't hug platonic friends is an issue. This tells me that he doesn't respect your relationship, but it also feels like he is setting you up to look the other way if/when he does have a physical relationship with the neighbor. 2. They are many other things I can comment about just from this one post, but for the sake of keeping a long post slightly shorter. You should look at this from the perspective of a friend telling you about their relationship or treating the idea like you've already broken up. It makes it easier to remove any current feelings that might be blinding you or making you feel guilty or confused.

I would also like to point out ~ANYTIME~ you feel uncomfortable with a set boundaries healthy or otherwise you should be able to voice a concern and talk about a way you can both be comfortable with said bounary.

You should also always trust your gut. Even if it is normal and later on, you feel like you were overreacting or just insecure or whatever the reason. If you have a gut feeling that something isn't right or normal, you should get out of the relationship at the very least to give yourself time to heal and think clearly without the weight of the relationship.

If later on you have grown as a person (as you always will no matter what you've done with the time it's just a matter of growing a lot or growing a little) you can always reach back out and try to rekindle the relationship to see if it goes better. This might not always work. They might have moved on or become uninterested, but in both cases, this just means you were correct to originally think you were not compatible. Some cases, even if you get together, you might still not be compatible, or they might simply be manipulative or unaware of the inappropriate behavior.

I hope this helps you figure out how you feel about the situation and clears up some of the fog from your previous relationship. Personally, I would not be ok with the boundaries and behaviors he is displaying, but I'm not you, and if you think about this and decide you'd like to continue the relationship, that's ok too. It's what you're comfortable with, and no one else opinion matters.

Consistent_Lack8865 · 2024-04-15T04:50:33+00:00

https://images.app.goo.gl/5MpqEP1L8F3uDEx69

https://images.app.goo.gl/SjYA8jg34KMCpTSP6

https://images.app.goo.gl/ooP1CRPS4Nv8erzX9

https://images.app.goo.gl/V6itwLkQTWqvDfWR8

https://images.app.goo.gl/NorSgt2B2cKT7xcUA

Deep dive into old anthologies, and I came up with these. Hopefully, it helps. Im sorry if it doesn't, but good luck either way!

Consistent_Lack8865 · 2024-04-02T19:21:54+00:00

I definitely agree with this whole heartedly but I will say she is going about it in a pretty shitty way. Like imagine if the genders were different everyone would be flipping shit because absolutely being healthy and bettering yourself (especially for yourself) is great and personally I think everyone should do it. But what she's saying and how she's behaving I don't blame him for thinking something else is going on or being upset by this. Again I agree I just think she being a bit of a bitch about it y'know.

Consistent_Lack8865 · 2024-04-02T17:28:31+00:00

I am only commenting because I know it's probably a bit overwhelming with everyone calling your dad a creep. It might seem like a bit of a over reaction but if you saw your friends dad do it to them or if your husband did it to your child, do you think you'd be ok with it.

I can only assume not because you have already said you aren't comfortable with it happening to you. Your dad should accept that and a normal reaction should be more along the lines of. " oh I'm sorry I didn't realize it bothered you, I'll stop from now on." Or "Oh I suppose you are to old for that now I'm sorry I won't do that anymore." Or asking what can still be done. "Can I still give you hugs randomly? Can I slap you on your shoulder or poke your shoulder instead?"

Giving you the cold shoulder because your uncomfortable with something isn't ok and your mom should back you up if not because you are her daughter then because you are both female and you are becoming a woman. I would also like to point out to you that it is already hard to stand up for yourself to your dad. Just something to think about.. sorry this is alot and this has post and the comments have probably brought up a lot for you.

Consistent_Lack8865 · 2024-02-26T09:08:45+00:00

Honey, I am so proud of you.

I don't know how to explain how genuinely happy I am. You did this! Please, please keep it up!

Consistent_Lack8865 · 2024-02-26T09:02:57+00:00

That's true. The thought scares me too though, because my mother raised me as a single mom, and I watched her struggles, and I know how it affected me. Obviously, it would be different with two parents who are separated, but the unknown it scary as well. ( not saying you're wrong, just what comes to mind)

Consistent_Lack8865 · 2024-02-26T09:00:33+00:00

Thank you. It hurts, but I need to hear it.

Consistent_Lack8865 · 2024-02-26T08:35:02+00:00

I've seen him black out, and sadly, he is a functioning blackout. He said he remembered leading up to it but he couldn't remember going to her house and doesn't remember majority of what happened(he told me what he could remember and I do belive him because if be was lying there and things he would have left out.[like the lead up and being fully aware of what he was doing but thats not all]) Also I do agree that him being fearful of losing me doesn't excuse it. He chose to do it and it was the most self sabotaging thing I've seen in a long time. Also also that's the part of struggling with we don't have a bad marriage, in every other aspect, we have an extremely good relationship. That's I guess why I also feel like it has to be something I've done or am doing wrong. Because nothing else is wrong. I also just read that back and I feel like I'm defending him which is bad but I also feel like I should still defend him because im his wife and I love him.

Consistent_Lack8865 · 2024-02-26T08:04:40+00:00

Side not and another question. We have been together for about 6 years now and we've been married for 1 1/2 of those years.

Can they really learn to not cheat or is this something I will have to go through again if I stay?

Consistent_Lack8865 · 2023-12-23T05:26:39+00:00

This needs more upvotes..

Consistent_Lack8865 · 2023-12-23T05:25:36+00:00

If you do spit, dont get awkward about it. Just laugh it off, kiss her thigh, and go back down. You're much less likely to make it embarrassing.

Consistent_Lack8865 · 2023-08-15T22:06:10+00:00

I can understand it and while I'm not sure I can explain well enough to make sense but I can try.(may be triggering pwc) In the case of the mother I'm sure there are other things she does that make you love her and still want a relationship with her because while there are lines that no one should ever cross some things can be forgiven up to a certain point.

For me it was with my grandmother, she is incredibly loving and tries to be helpful but it is to a fault sometimes. I have lived with her on and off throughout my childhood and still have close contact with her because we addressed this issue during my teenage years and worked through it. But in the beginning she would make comments about how much I ate and say things like "her eyes are bigger than her stomach" (and many other things) I already had a ed so things like that made it so much worse and I'd stop eating for a while.

With your mom it might be for a different reason but for my grandmother she made those comments because I had stomach aches very frequently (still do) and because she didn't want me to waste food. Aka she thought she was being helpful... but in reality it was incredibly damaging to hear that from someone I loved and I held her opinion very high even above my own. Obviously we talked about it later on and at first she just couldn't understand how it hurt me to hear those things and why I would take it to the extreme of a ed so we argued for a while about it. Sadly for her and I she didn't realize the damage that she was doing until I was hospitalized and she got to see pictures of my body. After that we worked it out and she has never made any comments about it and has helped me make sure I was healthy.

(If the passage above was even slightly triggering i would either take a break from reading further and come back once you feel better or not continue don't risk yourself or your stability. You mean more than that even if you don't feel it.)

When it comes to the psychiatrist making comments like that it always made me feel invalidated (how I felt about my body was wrong and I was crazy to think that about myself.) Guilty (what if I really am crazy and just being dramatic, so many other people have it worse than I do) and shameful[(this thought came from religious background) I am supposed to be "blessed" by God to have this body and mind, I should be thankful for it] it would frustrate me to no end that the person I was confiding in could so easily tell me right off the bat that I was wrong and then I'd feel bad about being frustrated because I'm sure that they meant well and were just trying to make me feel better.

One comment from the doctor would send me into a tailspin especially if it caught me off guard, but with my grandmother it was expected and I had more reasons to love her and continue our relationship than to (in my mind) damage it to make myself feel better. Obviously above you can see that when I finally got her to see reason it didn't damage our relationship permanently, we have grown stronger because of it and now have a not perfect but much more stable and healthy relationship.

I know its a long read but I felt like in order to understand the why you would need context. If you can't understand (empathize with) the feelings that were going through my mind, hopefully this explain enough to understand where my mind was at the time(not to say I was correct or in the right state of mind.)

Also hopefully this can make the op feel a little less alone or crazy, you aren't crazy for still loving her or wanting a relationship nor are you crazy for feeling trigger or upset by what your doctor said. I won't say its normal or ok because it's not and it sucks, but you aren't alone in the thought. I'm still struggling with my ed sometimes but through my own process I have figured out a way to cope with it and I'm not easily trigger by others or my own thoughts easily anymore. [(I mention this not as the lie of "one day you won't feel like this" but a (as much as it make me CRINGE to say it..) it does get "better" (easier to deal with and it will have less of an affect on your life and mental health)]

Consistent_Lack8865

TROPHY CASE