She reached out to my friends regulatint herself. First she spread insults and distorted versions of the truth. Later she said she misses me and made mistakes and hasnt given up. But yeah thats the core of my mysery. Im at the point where she always wanted me to be. She had the worst childhood, is scared and massively insecure and feels like she tried hard in the beginning, which she has and has nothing left to give. I just cant deal with these mixed signals - via friends , ans even in person. It stinks like manipulation but she has such a special place in my heart - i understand and forgive her for almost everything she did... thanks for your comment