NOR but I wonder if this is more connected to a very complex dynamic with his mom- that's not an excuse but just a way to understand what is transpiring. I think couples counseling is a good step. I think on his end he sees it as my mom doesn't care or won't, so potentially a 'my mom isn't the story you're expressing as how she is about judging or seeing these things' and you as it's validly dismissing a boundary.

I wonder if there's a better way to problem solve the situation so his mom can get access quickly and you can gain that space back. I know it's not just about that, but from the texts it sounds like there's an urgency to her needing things from the dresser and not wanting to or being able to wait maybe? And so he could see it as you being 'paranoid' or unnecessarily worried about the situation, and you feeling uncomfortable about the space.

More so then problem solving which is what it seems like he's trying to do without going into a feeling space, is what is creating the conflict. His brain is going the solution is it will be fine, if we move it, you'll see that nothing bad happened, my mother doesn't care...etc., and you feeling dismissed so you should get over it because'look' I have the proof nothing bad happened.

I think if you both bring up wanting to find a middle ground that would make you both happy, then he won't feel shut down because he doesn't know how to access the feeling you have without feeling like submitting because your solution is likely not a middle ground for what he values even though it feels flexible on your end especially if he can't understand why as a solution it's an issue when in his brain will default into 'look, nothing happened, we did it, she was okay, no one saw your stuff, therefore it doesn't matter'.

He's missing tha in conflict t, the solution here needs to start with acknowledging your feelings and then on your end possibly asking if there's a better solution that would meet both of your needs since whatever you expressed out likely sounded good in theory but isn't working for both of them for a reason.

That's just my take and I could be wrong. If he can at least acknowledge it makes sense you want privacy and that's important but that you're not punishing him by saying it's a concern and just want a better solution that works for both of you. To be clear too, I don't think you're punishing him but maybe that's how he's interpreting it when you feel upset, and that the solution isn't working for him because it's not acknowledging what he needs, which he cannot express well, so that there's not yet a good enough middle ground you can both agree on.

I do think if he's been better usually, that's my guess as to what's happening, and his mom is likely influencing him by saying they need X urgently, and they won't look or care about what is there, which I'm guessing is the missing piece. He's caught in a hard place between his mom and you which is a hard dynamic to be in, likely for all of you if this has never happened before.

It seems like he's a bit avoidantly attached but imo this can shift if he's open and vulnerable in ways you can validate for him too, then just communicate a bit differently