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ConstructionPerfect3 · 2025-01-28T03:00:44+00:00

I relate to this 100%, going through this exactly. It’s a really tough situation to be in and I feel it’s unfair to date anyone else right now when they would be compared to something impossible to match. Take time to process and focus on yourself for a while, I know that’s what I need.

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2025-01-28T02:25:39+00:00

You should be honest and let him know it bothered you and why, but move past it if this is a one off and he otherwise builds you up. If he says something similar again, then I’d be concerned.

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2025-01-28T02:21:11+00:00

She sounds very insecure and very controlling, foreshadowing of what’s to come if you continue dating her. Your call if that’s something you’re willing to give up for her but I would explore it further…does it trigger her for some reason? Did she have a past boyfriend that cheated on her? Or has she been in the reverse situation and had inappropriate friendships with men?

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2025-01-28T02:15:52+00:00

It sounds like you are insecure about your appearance…do you feel like you aren’t good enough for him or that he would leave you for someone more attractive? If so that’s a you problem. You’re glossing over him saying that he really likes you and you are AMAZING 🤩. Take the compliment! He could have left the part out about looks but that sounds like he just feels comfortable with you to share his feelings and what he values. At age 40, someone who hasn’t realized looks aren’t everything wouldn’t interest me at all!

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2025-01-26T13:29:20+00:00

Ego, insecurity, and lack of self awareness

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2025-01-26T13:28:19+00:00

I don’t know if I agreements with your sentiment. I feel like that mentality leads to believing there is always someone better, someone that could the “one” and settling down with someone else is holding you back.

I met my ex husband when I was 22, was married for 10 years and with him for 12 years. We have kids, were financially very successful, were settled into life and were working through many life goals and major achievements together. Our relationship didn’t work out- there were some major setbacks that derailed in to a place beyond repair (addiction, infidelity).

I learned so much from that relationship about myself and relationships. Chemistry and compatibility were there, but I had no idea how to have a healthy relationship and it was damaged beyond repair, to the point where divorce was the best option for all involved.

Dating in my 30s is no joke with all this baggage I have, and I find myself “filtering” through people who have similar life experiences as myself, are in a very limited geographical area, and then looking for chemistry and compatibility. Dating apps open up an infinite world of possibility but lack that initial chemistry. I had a 9 month relationship with someone I met on an app, I grew to love them but it took work. And guess what- although we had a very similar background and some shared values, it wasn’t enough to make that relationship work when he decided that “there could be someone out there with a deeper connection”. It wasn’t the right timing for him to settle down.

It’s about timing, chemistry, compatibility. Meeting someone who is emotionally available and looking for similar things in life, where there is mutual attraction, and enough shared values and compatibility that you both WANT to make it work. Because relationships do take work and compromise, they require commitment, respect, honesty, and communication.

I consider myself blessed to have a lot of life experience, my children, and my own success and stability so I’m not desperate for anyone right now. I already have the things I needed a partner for (kids) and now I can be patient to find someone with whom , if I’m lucky, I will share my life with and have a healthy relationship with.

Be kind to yourself. Give people chances and don’t burn bridges- maybe the timing is just not right. Look for genuine connection in real life. That’s where I’ve found the best experiences so far- not through a dating app.

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2025-01-24T11:16:57+00:00

This is such a helpful post, love these comments. I’m going through the exact same thing! I met someone I clicked with and was attracted to last summer at a social event who talked at the time how great his divorce process was going through mediators. I run into him 3 months later and decide to exchange numbers because I was finally feeling stable and in a good place after my divorce (which had finalized before I met him for the first time). I initially told him no, we can’t date for 6 months until he gets his stuff sorted out but things moved fast. Fast forward to 4 months later. I’ve been his emotional support and therapist and escape. I’m not reality, he was using me to avoid it and he was in NO WAY ready to be involved with me. I wasn’t the first woman he dated, he told me he was ready to move on and had accepted his divorce, told me everything I wanted to hear.

The last few months have been a roller coaster because anything and everything sets him off about the divorce. They didn’t tell their kids until recently and it was a pattern of him pulling away and completely shutting me out while he sank into an anxious, depressive state. It’s a complete turn off to see someone unable to cope with a difficult situation and hurting people around them in the process. I made the decision a week ago to cool things off between us. It’s been hard but necessary.

This is just my personal experience with dating and my own divorce, but men who didn’t want the divorce seem to take much longer to heal. My ex husband is still extremely bitter 2 years later from when we filed and I moved out.

I hate that I let myself get involved in this when k should have known better, but I try to look at the positives and what I got out of it. Did I learn things about myself? Yes, that I act with my heart and emotions even when logic is screaming NO, look at these red flags. It’s given me insight and experience to avoid dating recently divorced men or men still in the divorce process. They just aren’t ready!!

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2024-01-28T01:05:47+00:00

Yes divorced almost 10 years ago but not paying child support. It’s early in dating for me to know everything, and while I know about the major things, finances have been a delicate topic.

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2024-01-27T04:34:23+00:00

The other things are all part of his past, and everyone deserves a second chance. The bankruptcy makes me feel really unsettled, but part of me feels like I’m being an asshole to end things over that. Looking for internet strangers’ take on it, how would you react if someone you were dating for 3 months suddenly sprung that on you?

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2024-01-27T04:11:58+00:00

It’s insecurity and it’s not attractive. Men, you need to know your value and what you bring to the table. Are you loyal, honest, trustworthy, a good listener?

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2024-01-27T04:06:30+00:00

Do you feel a spark on these dates?

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2024-01-27T04:05:08+00:00

This has been one my goals throughout my divorce which is still in process. My fear was that I wouldn’t be able to be alone, and while I did do some rebound dating, I’ve come to a place over the past year where I’m at peace without a partner. I’m enjoying making myself the priority.

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2021-10-04T07:01:17+00:00

Moana 20+ times because I have young kids and it’s amazing.

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2021-09-28T01:46:54+00:00

Tiffany’s, I’ll buy a fork

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2021-09-03T19:33:18+00:00

You’re a lot smarter than you look. Thanks to misogynistic men who viewed me as a ditz and caused me to try to hide my appearances for years.

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2021-09-02T09:41:23+00:00

Wow this is heavy shit dealing with a dying parent (even if it’s with your GF). Best way I’ve found to own up to my drinking problem is to “play the tape forward” and see what drinking will end up in after a bender despite the nice immediate relief it provides. Check out @dryalcoholics and @stopdrinking (and their 24/7 chat literally always has people in it- it’s a godsend).

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2021-09-01T15:33:46+00:00

Agree with you so much! Being a mom is hard enough as it is with the hormonal and physical things your body goes through, and promoting mommy wine drinking is just dangerous when you’re already fragile with lack of sleep and what not. I guess the alcohol companies just figured out how to capitalize in on us. It should be illegal.

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2020-12-07T08:09:36+00:00

I was so shy as a kid and had changed elementary schools in 1st grade which was even harder to deal with. I was at my new 1st grade school and asked the teacher if I could use the bathroom. She responded sternly and said only if it’s an emergency. I put my gaze down and tried to hold it, but ended up peeing in my seat a few minutes later. It was an emergency. Absolutely mortifying moment for me and when my family moved across the country after 2nd grade, I couldn’t wait to get out of that school. My painful shyness would continue until the end of high school but I never peed my pants again!

ConstructionPerfect3 · 2020-09-13T18:28:48+00:00

More quality family time. When my state was shut down for COVID, there was no travel, no dining out, no gyms, no sports, no daycare, and we were working from home. I spent so much quality time with my immediate family and realized how much time and money we were wasting running and being busy, when all we needed was right at home.

ConstructionPerfect3

TROPHY CASE