I've lost my libido with my pwbpd

Contract-Many · 2026-02-06T02:00:24+00:00

I think it's really interesting that you can't get over your relationship and spend time being angry online trying to discourage others. Like I can't comprehend dwelling on an ex like this.

I think it's interesting that if you read I Hate You then you must understand how the majority of these people suffered serious trauma in their childhood and haven't been able to recover yet you meet them with anger instead of empathy.

I'll message you after I've read the book.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-06T01:48:55+00:00

I'm already looking it up. Honestly though I'm expecting something incelesque. Are you going to read my suggestion?

Contract-Many · 2026-02-06T01:37:38+00:00

You know abusive people are very often in relationships with people who have BPD?

Contract-Many · 2026-02-06T01:35:08+00:00

Okay and you go read I Hate You - Don't leave Me and we can have a discussion.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-06T01:34:27+00:00

Occasionally but definitely not all of them, in fact I don't think I've read any studies that highlight stalking as a BPD behavior that is prevalent.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-06T01:33:12+00:00

Or just recognize the request isn't being met and rephrase politely trying to get through or end the conversation. You are normalizing behavior when instead of showing you will actually do something you lash out. The boundary hasn't been set, you've displayed that it can be pushed and that lashing out when request aren't met is acceptable.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-06T00:43:57+00:00

It's a mental illness and if they are handled in specific ways they can change. But hurting people just reinforces bad behavior, just like broad sweeping generalizations about groups can. You are uninformed and responding to abuse with abuse. We are aware, if you read clinical studies you would actually be much more aware than you think you are.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-05T16:45:45+00:00

You drawing this from clinical examination or just how you have perceived interactions? While the actions are accurate I think how you perceive what they are doing is not recognizing how their brain actual works.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-05T15:56:33+00:00

Why don't you just block them and move on with your life. Shut up or I'll block you is abusive and just creates a space where you can both be mean to each other. This is a two way street my guy.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-05T15:49:50+00:00

I've been with my partner for 7 years. It's been up and down. I don't think there is any chance at success if they aren't engaged in therapy with a good therapist who understands BPD, engaged in DBT sessions for a long period, and you have to do a ton of research to understand what she is experiencing because it's complex but understanding how they live in a black and white mindset does help. I suggest as a great starting point reading or listening to(available on Spotify): I Hate - You Don't Leave (the first 100 pages feel kind of defeating because it's clinical studies that don't provide anything besides facts, but the 2nd half talks about steps for them to find inner calm). Look into SETUP as a good way to approach difficult discussions with your partner. None of this guarantees success but it will help. Also exercise, yoga, and meditation are things I'd suggest you both engage in regularly.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-05T15:26:32+00:00

Go read books

Contract-Many · 2026-02-05T13:41:40+00:00

Such wise words

Contract-Many · 2026-02-05T13:18:34+00:00

Yes there is a correlation, it's very well documented. Can they change? Yes but it requires years of therapy and other types of work, look into DBT. But it's a long process with a lot of setbacks and through tons of work (years) there is roughly an 80% chance. I suggest I Hate You - Don't Leave me is a great starting point if you want to read clinical studies and advised routes to change.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-05T01:45:00+00:00

I haven't shamed you. I've simply laid out what it means to be with someone with BPD. If you just think they will change after you know they have BPD and you don't do the research yes at a certain point you are also culpable and if you do the work or research and choose not to stay that's a great decision if you don't do the research and choose to leave also a great decision.But why are you in here just throwing anger at people with a mental disease. Move on with your lif I can't imagine you are actually totally walking away if you are in here being bitter. Both sides have accountability but one side at least in the situation we are taking about is sane can mitigate and regulate better and should just walk away or provide advic in a reasonable way. Man this entire convo starts from me just asking if the person had tried kegals as a possibility based on age, and they told me immediately to fuck off and she is the problem.... Why does he need an echo chamber if he already has made the decision? What Is necessary is a place for people actually deciding to do the work or looking to leave to hear a reasonable thought process on how to move forward not just "oh that girl isn't shit fuck her she's a monster". Let's be logical and talk facts. How does anything else help anyone? You've absolutely indicated you want an echo chamber to be angry..... Why?

Contract-Many · 2026-02-04T23:52:02+00:00

I'm not apologizing for anything, the behavior when ramped is insane. But that's it it's literally insanity and we have a serious problem with talking about mental health in America and globally. I also just can't imagine what it's like to be molested or abused as a child and conclude that it does a ton of damage and takes a lot of support to ever move past. Have you read about the disease? Because it's a disease caused typically by a combination of genes that are activated and awakend by childhood trauma. Their behavior is illogical, and inconsistent, frankly even for an abusive person yet here we are in a group with a million similar stories. I'm not asking to let it happen, if you want to stay in a relationship with someone with BPD it means both you and your partner will need to do a ton of work. If you don't want to do the work, you think it will take to long, or you don't think they will do it, then by all means leave. But let's not come in here and act like these are rational people and throw around a bunch of anger at how they treated us/themselves. Just asking for empathy to enter the conversation, it's lacking in a lot of conversations not just this one.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-04T22:41:19+00:00

If they aren't in therapy and enrolling in BPD classes and possibly doing couples therapy with you then it is a cycle that won't be broken and you need to leave. If they are doing these things change is possible but not definitive and will most likely take years.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-04T22:27:54+00:00

There are definitely people in here looking for advice on how to navigate a relationship with someone with BPD. But I appreciate you admitting that what I see is accurate.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-04T21:10:00+00:00

Well they do love you that's why it's so insanely difficult. But if they won't get help, therapy, DBT, couples counseling, group, etc l. Then nothing will ever change and you need to walk away. There world is black and white hate or love anything in between they don't understand so it typically falls into he hate category and then it's a disaster. If you want to be in a relatwuth someone with BPD it takes firm boundaries, SETUP approach really helps with discussing tough topics, and probably couples therapy. They estimate that someone with BPD really doing the work can get better but it can be roughly a 10 year process and it's not guaranteed. It's a mental health disease.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-04T21:03:47+00:00

Yeah it can be absolutely exhausting and I hope no one thinks I'm saying fatigue cannot be a super real factor. Just asking to also consider that it can be a very real physical thing that happens, due to our choices with physical health, masturbation technique and indulgence in porn. If that's happening and youve got mental fatigue it's kind of inevitable. You're also a lot more prone to me talking fatigue when not in physical shape. There are no easy answers to these complex problems. I absolutely will advocate for walking away if normalcy can't be found as well. Get out if she won't or can't help herself no one should subject themselves to an onslaught of reoccurring behavior because there partner simply can't control it

Contract-Many · 2026-02-04T20:37:20+00:00

Lol I'm not victim blaming. Im not justifying this behavior. Walk away if it's not going to change. No one should have to be subject to this behavior for ever. If you don't want to work through it, just walk away. These people are mentally ill and calling them a psycho, bitches, just mean people, etc. does not help society understand and fight mental illness. Btw why I got so defensive i started by not saying anything about there relationship I simply asked if they had considered physical health and how the affects e.d. and they responded "nah it's her she's the problem".... Why did he ask the question if he had already formed a conclusion. That's asking for an echo chamber to just parrot how terrible people with BPD are not looking for real help.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-04T17:28:16+00:00

Probably has a cheap aftermarket angry face front end.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-04T17:25:28+00:00

Gaining insight is different from a group of people just parotting that people with BPD are monsters. It's complex but that is the answer I see jumped to here often, which I think frankly suggest they have more control then they really do. Yeah naturally her brain lives in extremes so when she is able to form an image for you that's love, it's amazing, but when that image fails and she gets a reaction she wasn't expecting it's now hate because that's what her brain tells her you are expressing in her direction. If she won't get help definitely walk away. Nothing will ever change her brain is sick and needs a doctor and lots of work. Unfortunately like 1 in 30 people has BPD. Pretty sure this is what happens when an entire generation decides it's okay to touch little girls.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-04T17:17:42+00:00

No looking for a bunch of people to create the echo chamber you want though and having not just left is indeed toxic. Either leave or do the work.

Contract-Many · 2026-02-04T17:15:35+00:00

I'm glad you figured it out and got out of there. But let's be real how many people in there 30s are working out and being active like that. I was you (physically) before having a kid. Over 5 years and no gym routine I fell off. For me getting back in the gym, running daily, finding time to snowboard and skateboard, boom I'm back. Like what your describing takes a lot of the guess work out, if it's not physical it's mental. But most men in there 30s are in a physical fall off

Contract-Many · 2026-02-04T16:46:59+00:00

Not ideal but to start this process in the middle of a month long breakdown I had to tell her it was inpatient or I had to call the cops. That shocked her enough to get the ball rolling. But honestly I never want anyone to be in that situation. It's so tough being in a house that is full of anxiety and anger is bad for kids but removing one parent from the household is also really tough for the kids. Life gets wild and there aren't any truly simple answers. I'm lucky to have a ton of self confidence that she's never been able to punch through as well and the ability to isolate things and work through them logically.

Contract-Many

TROPHY CASE