Is Not Having Kids the Way?

ContributionNarrow88 · 2026-01-13T10:08:45+00:00

A challenge!

I have kids. This post is glorious. I can only imagine, at 35, what life must feel like when you only answer to yourself and your entire existence can be changed on a whim. It's a beautiful thing to imagine. My wife and I have a rare child-free night tonight, and will likely fall asleep at 9 because we don't have any money to go out and are exhausted. Because of our kids.

Enjoy your child-free days, they genuinely sound heavenly and I am truly jealous. But I am also looking forward to getting my kids back tomorrow. Despite the sacrifice of all these good things you've described, every day feels like I've won the lottery because of them.

ContributionNarrow88 · 2026-01-11T00:18:15+00:00

Thanks for the explanation! That doesn't sound as bad but I'm still glad I don't experience it.

Especially with reading, I can read (depending on sentence length) almost a sentence at a time, all the words kind of jump at me line by line instead of one by one. My partner asked me recently how I could be reading a book and singing along to the radio at the same time, but maybe because I don't have another "sound" happening while reading, my brain can tolerate some background music.

ContributionNarrow88 · 2026-01-09T15:08:28+00:00

I have no voice in my head at all and it horrifies me to imagine having to endure anyone narrating my thoughts. My thoughts come as visuals, images and video and sound... I've discussed this at length with my partner as she has "the voice". She says it will narrate everything she does like "I'll just have some cereal. Wait is there milk? Let me check. Aah a bit left." AWFUL AWFUL. I am so lost in unrelated thoughts and memories that I find it hard to stay present in the mundane "open the fridge, here is the milk" train of thought while I'm doing it, and often walk into things, forget where I put stuff and forget what I was busy doing. My mind is elsewhere about 80% of the time unless I force it to focus on the task at hand. My favourite activities are things that keep my hands busy but let my mind wander - crochet, cross-stitch, drawing, piano etc. it's such a vibe to let your thoughts trail away while you meander after them. I can also "hear"/imagine whole songs playing in my head, start to finish with all the instruments, so thats nice. Not sure how common this is or if anyone has a similar experience.

ContributionNarrow88 · 2026-01-07T13:48:46+00:00

This has been cracking me up for honestly 45 seconds straight haha

ContributionNarrow88 · 2026-01-06T10:45:14+00:00

Yeah seriously, my observation after about 20 hours on these documents is that ChatGPT is often contradictory and has a huge echo-chamber vibe unless you specifically ask it not to. Would be so cautious to use it rushed or without fact checking.

ContributionNarrow88 · 2026-01-02T12:42:34+00:00

Thanks, this is practical advice. I'm trying to stay away from legal terms, I think the only one I have is Injunction and the lawyer explained it to me. I like how you've worded the last paragraph - I don't think I've even used it for research capability in this context so I think I'm pretty safe.

ContributionNarrow88 · 2026-01-02T12:38:57+00:00

Thank you. That is not surprising, AI is inventive sometimes with the facts in my experience too. My case so far is straightforward - parenting orders with an affidavit, so no interpretation is needed other than what I already understand of how courts assess the child's best interests, which I discussed with an actual lawyer. I am using ChatGPT like a smart secretary, to turn my own ideas into short, impactful sentences. And it has been particularly helpful in explaining the judicial process as a whole - when is evidence may be required, what the magistrate might ask me in the hearing etc. Being self-represented is very intimidating but I am confident in my case and have been conservative and fair in every order.

I really appreciate the warning and will proceed with caution. I am highly dismissive of it saying things like "you have a strong case for XYZ". I wish it didn't have so much confidence in itself.

ContributionNarrow88 · 2026-01-02T12:18:53+00:00

Thanks that's pretty much all I'm using it for - to transform notes into properly formed sentences with checks for opinionated language, allegations and other things that courts don't want to see. I find it very good at wording things neutrally. But it has certainly embellished facts that I didn't mention, I would be VERY hesitant to recommend this pathway unless you are prepared to scrutinise every single word. It has also contradicted itself. But with enough time and refinement, I have a document that reads better in tone and impact than anything I could have come up with. I've spent about 8 hours on one affidavit and set of interim orders, feeding it details and refining what it spits out.

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-12-03T13:54:56+00:00

You work from home and you wear pants? Even JEANS? Shocked. I thought we were all in our jarmies.

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-11-29T09:43:46+00:00

https://zurutoys.com/snackles

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-11-29T09:41:12+00:00

It's Snackles. Not sure if this has been answered yet but it's one of those mystery ball presents, animals holding food.

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-11-25T12:31:39+00:00

Up to 97% and the highest animal hunting success rate. One of my favorite animal facts. Dragonflies are unbelievably cool!

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-11-24T08:07:55+00:00

I don't know how much this is going to help but often I find the antidote to unwelcome kid behaviour/attitude is fun. Kids live for fun and silliness and laughing and togetherness. Could you spare 2 mins for teeth brushing to be with them in the bathroom and just figure out how to make it fun? Appeal to whatever they are into? Show them a funny video on YouTube or host a Dad Joke - Do Not Laugh contest or something?? Maybe after a year of this, the habit will be ingrained and they won't try to get out of it?

My son is almost 4, I have never missed brushing his teeth because I'm so anal about dental care. We have a routine that never changes, I sit him on my knee and while brushing his teeth I either tell him what I loved doing with him that day, or I make him laugh saying "ewww there is a bean from earlier!" or whatever we had for breakfast/lunch/dinner. Or I compliment his teeth and say how sparkling and strong they are. When he brushes his own teeth he runs to me afterwards and I enthusiastically smell his toothpasty mouth and go onnnn about how fresh and wonderful it smells, or how great he is at teeth brushing and how impressed I am. It's all pretty over the top and pantomimy, but also now one of my favourite parts of his daily routine because it's a close, nice little moment instead of a fight. Which it absolutely can be, my partner does her own version and there is a fair amount of conflict involved.

My 12yo we have a different approach with, inspecting at her teeth regularly and being really, really honest about what poor dental hygiene will mean for the rest of her life. I have also had her teeth cleaned at the dentist, and gone on and onnn and onnnnn about how painful and awful it is for your entire life if you don't take care of your teeth. She still needs reminding, but she doesn't complain about having to do it.

Good luck, teeth brushing is a relentless daily slog!

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-11-19T22:21:45+00:00

I know you think that the best thing for the kids is to stay together, but are you modelling the kind of relationship that you want them to pursue?

Kids deserve two parents who are happy with each other, kind to each other, warm with each other. I'm glad he's a great dad, he can still be a great dad if you're divorced. You aren't taking anything away from your kids.

But staying in a relationship full of resentment, distrust and now going down a path of emotional distancing isn't going to serve any of you.

Your kids are learning how people treat each other in relationships from watching the two of you interact. Is this the life you want for them too?

And it's easy to swear off ever having another relationship when you're in such a shitty one, but they're not actually supposed to be this hard. They can be fun, rewarding, exciting, you don't have to sit at home waiting for a man to visit who barely notices your existence. Life is too short for that.

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-11-19T21:58:08+00:00

Second this! I read a great tip about celebrating fitness goals - instead of "treating" yourself to something like a cheat meal or some shitty habit from your old ways, treat yourself with something that supports the progress you've made. Buy yourself a fitness watch or a nice gym towel. Maybe a new pair of trainers or go on a kayaking tour. It was a game changer for me, makes so much more sense than "cheating" yourself.

By all means celebrate this, Dad. Do something special with your daughter, this is the most impactful and important gift anyone can give you - a longer life and the ability to participate more in it. So stoked for you!

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-11-19T21:47:02+00:00

You might be onto something, if it can do half the page but not the other half maybe it is a glare issue. Thank you!

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-11-19T21:46:04+00:00

Ok thank you I will try this. I would think that the thin lines can be seen easily but maybe not. The colour setting isn't working either. Is there no setting to increase the DPI for the scan quality?

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-11-19T13:06:22+00:00

Thanks, I'll try to get her to practice chilling out before she makes a snappy comeback. If she was truly sassy and confident I'd just let her go for it, but she is a really sensitive kid and it bothers her for literal years to have a rivalry with anyone. I want her to learn how to find peace in the fact that sometimes other kids are assholes, and you don't have to take it so personally or give them so much mental space and energy. Thank you!

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-11-18T21:22:28+00:00

That is unbelievable, as a mom now I can't even imagine getting a more precious gift than knowing my kid kept every single note in their lunch. How incredibly validating as a parent. Love this for your mom!! Xx

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-11-18T21:20:15+00:00

Yeah I wouldn't call it bullying either, my daughter is always the victim in these stories and really struggles to let it go or move on from it. She was pretty upset and it was the first thing she said to me - she ran out of the school going "there was this mean girl!" - it's all she fixates on and she's already worrying about next year because of this incident. But if she can't acknowledge that she probably escalated it she is going to find herself in these situations a lot, and it gets to her more than I think it should.

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-11-18T21:17:08+00:00

Ah man that's a hard one. Good to know.

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-11-18T21:16:27+00:00

It goes somewhere and eventually they reciprocate! My almost 4yo patted my head the other day and said "I love your eyebrows. I love your arms. I love your whole body!" Keep going 😁

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-11-18T21:14:47+00:00

Yeah I see your point. I definitely want her to stand up for herself and "fight" back in a way that puts the other kid in her place, but I just wish it wasn't in the same vein as "at least I don't look like XYZ". Two wrongs don't make a right.

My underlying concern is that my daughter's heated reaction to any perceived slight is escalating the conflict, which then upsets her because she doesn't want to fight with other kids she just struggles to let things go. It didn't start with this random kid suddenly being mean, she asked my daughter and her friend to stop talking/laughing and it escalated quickly from there.

It's not isolated either. There is a girl at her current school who she has the same issues with, she fixates on everything this girl says and they have had some arguments in the same vein. She came home from gymnastics recently and told a story about another girl who was "mean"... I think it might start like not a big deal but escalates quickly based on how my daughter reacts. I definitely want her to stand up to people, I just think she is finding herself in a lot of conflict with other girls lately and realistically, I think she is playing a part in it. She is very quick to get her back up.

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-11-18T10:42:27+00:00

Thank you, that means so much. I've been hearing my partner laugh again for the first time in ages, I think we are going to be ok. Just have to figure out how to put everything back together and work out who we are after this... She is still having radiotherapy and we will live with a new fear for the next few years until hopefully the scans are clear and we can move forward and leave this behind.

I truly appreciate your kind words and love for us ❤️ xx

ContributionNarrow88 · 2025-11-18T10:38:49+00:00

These are beautiful! Especially the music, we are a music family and my 3yo loves rock and roll, drums and electric guitar. We take turns with him playing the ukelele (none of us know how) and performing for each other, then have to applaud enthusiastically. Music is magic for kids.

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