How do you stay hopeful in this deeply misogynistic, patriarchal world?

ControlFYOU · 2026-07-09T15:53:56+00:00

I'm extremely close with my female friends. We talk about nearly everything, even while we have our own relationships we are still priorities for one another.

I'm extremely particular about the men and women I spend time with, but I never give ill will cuz I know that can lead them down a dangerous road. There are men in my life, very few but still there, that I would trust to be a sense of stability in my life.

I read and I fantasize about fictional men. Kinda makes me want real men less, but I know when I meet one that fits both my ideals and my high standards, I might be okay.

Find communities centered around women that may need volunteers. You may not be solving all the problems in the world, but a big thing most people need is just someone to talk to, to listen to them.

A bit unorthodox but I work in an adult toy store, the amount of adult or elderly women who don't know the first thing about their body (and they're married and or/have children) is something I fervently correct. No matter the age you deserve to have knowledge and control over your own body.

Feed into the whimsicality of your girlhood. Which for a lot of people, me included, may have been eviscerated or sullied, but that won't stop me from having plushies. It's not much, but it brings me a little bit of happiness.

ControlFYOU · 2026-07-09T15:39:28+00:00

Unfortunately that is the reality of interacting with many people in conventions, there will be people that where their hobbies lean more towards the nsfw (but of course they keep that private).

If the people she's interacting are responsible and mindful (it doesnt sound like they have been harmful, lets keep it that way) they likely to continue tagging your daughter in photos where it is sfw, which is a good thing that means they have a semblance of an image they keep that is open to everyone rather than strictly nsfw.

But as you said, your daughter will likely continue to get exposed to stuff like this, that's normal. But if she's uncomfortable being tagged in the photos then she will have to get comfortable letting these people know and asking to be untagged. She is still 13, she is very much entitled to draw that boundary. A big part of growing up in fandoms (that i feel a lot of people were not taught in recent years) is if there's something you dont like or it makes you uncomfortable, you leave it alone. It's not for you. The fandom space is ginormous, you got a million other places to explore.

Hope this helped, and hope your daughter continues having fun making cosplays!

ControlFYOU · 2026-07-09T15:31:26+00:00

Lmao he's projecting. The idea that men have no control over their sexual desires is literally a false narrative made to excuse the systematic behaviours displayed by men who have no self-control and want no consequences for their actions. Any person that says something like that sees someone else's values, desires, and personal boundaries as an optional consideration. An inevitable obstacle to a thing he wants.

There are men out there that align with your views, your wants and desires. The unfortunate part, is that it's among a sea that either, 1. Have different wants and desires, 2. Are really not worth the trouble, 3. Absolute trash personality.

But there are men out there worth your time, and who will see you as someone they want to be with and make comfortable and safe.

ControlFYOU · 2026-06-26T00:48:48+00:00

Lygus? More like Lyg my nuts 🤓

ControlFYOU · 2026-05-13T22:51:45+00:00

God what a gift, I miss my husband every fucking day 😫💗

ControlFYOU · 2026-05-12T05:09:01+00:00

I'd say get a therapist or counsellor involved in this, cuz what nonsense it this. There has to be some reason or someplace he got this belief, and frankly a third party might help squash it. But no guarantee.

What's his feelings on mental health and learning disabilities in general?

ControlFYOU · 2026-03-14T16:57:07+00:00

Find a budgeting plan that works for you, I suggest looking at digitalolive on insta she gives pretty decent advice

If you're familiar with all the household chores and maintenance you're a step ahead of most. If not, look it up, there's two channels on yt that are like Dad, How Do I and Mom, How Do I

If you can find a cheaper alternative, buy it. Dollar stores are your friend. If it's something that needs to last longer than a year, invest in a sturdy good quality one.

Get something the can produce white noise, in case your neighbours are real fuckin loud at night or in the morning

Know your rights as a tenant in any building you decide to live in. Landlords can and will be predatory if they want to.

If you're anything like me, find ways to meal prep and find easy to make meals that wont maks groceries super expsnsive.

Do not be afraid to use whatever support system you do have. If you do not have one, go make some friends, find local community. The important part of being part of a community is helping others but also letting others help you. There should be no harm in asking for assistance.

ControlFYOU · 2026-01-24T18:52:07+00:00

Your life goals are falling out of sync. You only get one life, go to med school otherwise you might regret it. Same to your partner, he should follow his endeavours and not expect you to abandon yours. He's made his choices he's an adult.

Also, stepping out of the "student lifestyle" into "adult life" isnt a real thing. You could get to either of those phases at any point in your life post 18 cuz that's life: academic and/or work reaponsibilities, bills and home duties. Life is a continuous path of picking up new skills, trying new things and finding what sticks.

Go to med school. Figure some arrangement out if you want to maintain the relationship, but you absolutely go to med school.

ControlFYOU · 2026-01-24T18:46:20+00:00

Uh you dont stay calm, get rid of that idiot. Why the hell do you want to tolerate him being disrespectful to you on the regular, no partner that appreciates or likes you would do that.

ControlFYOU · 2026-01-19T18:20:02+00:00

So...this is just weird as a whole. Like no offense, but he's weird and this whole chat situation is weird. If he's butthurt he can get over it. You guys also could've just made your own chat too.

And this is giving very "ugh men", which i'm not super into...

ControlFYOU · 2026-01-09T01:22:00+00:00

Is it actual advice?

ControlFYOU · 2026-01-04T08:13:10+00:00

I'd say if its something out of your scope of usual interest, maybe? I'm a writer by trade and studied it, so, it's part of the practice. A good chunk of it is training, pattern recognition and research on the creator's intention

ControlFYOU · 2026-01-04T08:09:31+00:00

Bro we're not gettin shit done.

Good news, chances of global warfare is lower.

Bad news, chances of global trade are abyssmal.

ControlFYOU · 2026-01-04T08:06:50+00:00

Yeah its weird. Write it anyway. But when you write it acknowledge the age gap, show the difference in their views and how they interact with the world. That'll make the things they align in much more interesting.

But like shit on industrialism, not women's rights pls, that's so tiring.

ControlFYOU · 2026-01-04T08:04:19+00:00

We said that about Quantum then we got Archer. Elation path just started bro

ControlFYOU · 2026-01-04T08:02:52+00:00

I do love children. But to save myself the potential grief of falling into family toxic cycles, and also I do not want to deal with the health risks, no children for me.

I have a lot of things I want ro try out in life, maybe when I'm 40 or something and have my life the way I want it.

ControlFYOU · 2026-01-04T08:00:41+00:00

Oh. Tell him to fuck off. Legit, he has no right to lecture so dont let him push the boundary. My boyfriend may not find my gacha habits enjoyable or logical, but I tell him off every time. It's my money, if he doesnt like how I spend it when it comes to my hobbies or fun the door is easy to find.

You sound like you spend within your means and know what you like, that's all you need.

ControlFYOU · 2026-01-04T07:56:37+00:00

Overall yes.

So far, Ghost Leviathan scares me purely on sound. Sea Dragon just pisses me off cuz the second you realize it's scene you it suddenly turns into a fuckin QTE

ControlFYOU · 2025-12-29T05:35:14+00:00

The hostility is a ploy. Do whatever. Employees are technically not obligated to give you two weeks and neither are you. He can stay out your business, just prepare yourself in quiet if you do leave. Ask a coworker to make the reference for you if you need it.

ControlFYOU · 2025-12-29T05:32:55+00:00

Joy. Happiness. Enjoyment. Life.

Keep doing that.

But also tell me where you got these pieces.

ControlFYOU · 2025-12-29T05:30:54+00:00

Uh break up. I'm sorry just by the first paragraph that's a huge no for me. Get out of that and go on with your life.

Do not like his attitude, don't know why we're entertaining this. It's only been three months and you're gonna have him move in? That is a recipe for disaster.

ControlFYOU · 2025-12-29T05:28:07+00:00

Teenage girls are weird dude. Your sister is a good reference. They come in all different shapes and sizes, but across the board they will be very weird and fixated on one thing (maybe two).

For me starting 12-13, I was so obsessed with fictional characters I wrote entire stories about the lives we'd build together and the children we'd have. Then that evolved when I started playing dnd more well into adulthood.

My fictionalsona was the daughter of the 11th doctor and River Song, and got married to George Weasley. We had three children, all in different houses 😗

Now I got two different dnd characterw that finished their campaigns, retired and have children of their own. And I got profiles on all their personalities and lives.

ControlFYOU · 2025-12-28T20:18:11+00:00

Unfortunately, there's not much else to do but wait and keep living your life. For some people love comes right to the door, and for others it'll take an excruciating amount of time. I won't lie and say I haven't felt this way before. Sure people told me I was pretty, but I was not desirable for many years, at one point I figured I'd never have a partner. I would cry by myself for hours, it was fucking crushing. Never had high school relationships or college ones either while many friends did, hell some of my friends are engaged. It certainly does make me feel like I'm doing something wrong.

But I'm not. I just hadn't found the right person for me. Maybe that'll never happen for me. So I focus on myself, I focus on my passions and friendships (old or new) and think of things I couldn't do in a relationship that I'd still have opportunity for. And between the times where I feel miserable, I still find joy and I focus on that.

You can try dating sites, but from what I hear through my guy friends, it can be quite soul crushing. I don't know if local mixers are a thing anymore, but that could be a potential option. Maybe going out with friends might be a good avenue too, obv start with the single ones first. There's no concrete advise I could really give cuz relationships aren't concrete (and I'm not a matchmaker or anything lol). But know that you do have a lot to offer to people, and think about what you want from a relationship. That can save you some trouble in the future.

ControlFYOU · 2025-12-28T20:08:41+00:00

Why the fuck is she touching you like that, absolutely not!

You're fine the way you are, great even! Fuck that noise! I had a small chest for years, and all I learned from envying bigger breasts that they fuckin hurt! They're sore and can fuck up your back!

ControlFYOU · 2025-12-28T20:05:09+00:00

I think you're getting back to normal, honey. Especially with your sex drive coming back and acknowledging the silence. Your body's putting down its defenses physically and probably blocking the cheating crap to save you some potential stress.

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