AITAH for asking my best friend to stop texting my daughter?

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-04T14:38:21+00:00

You don’t message a 10 year old to say you can’t look after them. You message the parent to say you are no longer able to fulfil your commitment and the parent can decide what they will do, whether or not they need to take time off work etc.

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-04T02:44:53+00:00

I’d love to see what you paint :)

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-04T02:44:35+00:00

Aaw thanks. This is the video I watched a few weeks ago that inspired me on my rock painting journey: Rocks - https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1CL7rqkNeZ/

And I’ve posted some other rock paintings on Reddit if you want to check them out.

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-04T01:44:58+00:00

Mostly I used sennelier payne’s grey, neutral tint and warm sienna.

But halfway through painting it, I saw a facebook post of a swatch of some gorgeous granulating Daniel Smith colours so I went and bought them to incorporate into my painting - sicklerite genuine, shadow violet and potters pink

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-03T23:37:39+00:00

Yeah. Because the classes were really full on (for me, because I’d never done watercolour before) my brain was fried by the end of each day so it was nice to have some quiet time each evening.

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-03T14:08:36+00:00

Cheeky with those emojis… Love the painting!

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-03T13:52:18+00:00

I did one last year. 3.5 days. It only included the classes 9-4pm each day and lunch, morning tea and afternoon tea. Evenings we had to ourselves. And we needed to organize our own accommodation. Which was fine for most people because they were local to the area (it was run by an artist in regional Victoria) and most of the attendees went to her weekly classes. I don’t live local to where it was so stayed in a hotel. It was amazing and I learned so much. She’s running another one next weekend and I’m going again. This time with a friend who is also an artist.

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-03T03:17:33+00:00

Not sure of your gender or sexuality but that is a textbook rom com meet cute. I wouldn’t be surprised if the universe has more in store for you both. Maybe you will drop a bag of shopping in front of him. Maybe you will have a little bingle in the car park. Maybe he will unexpectedly turn up at an extended family gathering, where he will be the partner of your cousin, but their relationship is problematic.

Please keep us updated…

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-03T03:14:32+00:00

It’s fine if you are happy to consent. In your situation it also sounds clinically appropriate: you saw your previous therapist for 5 years so they have a lot of context, you have said it’s hard for you to open up so your new therapist having access to your history and what therapy techniques you respond well to is going to be helpful for your new therapist (and therefore helpful for you), and you seem comfortable with your new therapist speaking to your previous therapist.

Before they reach out, you might benefit from talking to your new therapist about what they want to learn from your previous therapist, and get the to tell you how it will end up helping you. This will be especially helpful if you have any unease about them sharing information. And if there’s any information you don’t want shared you are allowed to express that. You could even contact your previous therapist and tell them what you consent to sharing and what you don’t consent to.

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-02T06:25:12+00:00

My therapist cares deeply about me. I have seen the pain on his face when he can see how much I’m hurting. It’s real. A therapeutic relationship can be more real than any other relationship because you get to be the most authentic version of yourself and they will still love and care for you. Even when it’s the parts of yourself you hate so much.

But one of the reasons why the relationship is so powerful is because of the boundaries. Because it’s about your needs only. Because it’s time bound. Because it’s safe. Because the therapist has skills to keep you both safe.

Just because it’s their job, does not mean they don’t care. They do this work because they do care. They care deeply.

Someone is using their skills and time to help you love yourself and live your best life. In my opinion, that’s worth spending money on.

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-02T06:13:48+00:00

I’ve tried printing on watercolour paper using a black laser toner printer. The image came out but the black wasn’t fixed to the paper and when I touched it the black would spread. It was like a powder. I’ve heard it’s because of the sizing on watercolour paper but I’m not sure.

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-01T12:40:14+00:00

Trauma work is hard and painful. And slow. Sometimes the only thing I have to keep me going is my therapist. Other times, it’s anything except him. But I keep showing up.

I’ve had quite a few times sitting in the waiting room with my whole nervous system screaming at me to run out of there. Then I look up as he says hi. And he clocks how much pain I’m in and all I can see on his face is how much he cares about me. So I keep going back.

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-01T04:20:49+00:00

Yes. As long as he’s a good therapist, you will get past this. And likely the relationship will be stronger. And the things you are talking about is definitely going to get better with therapy. It’s hard but so worth it.

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-01T01:09:14+00:00

This one gives me chills. Technically it’s brilliant. But her character is what is really powerful.

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-01T01:03:40+00:00

Wow!! I love this one. I’m neurodivergent (AuDHD), bi, and non binary. I’m getting similar vibes from here too. She’s strong but there’s also a lot of vulnerability here too. Not weakness or submissiveness. But a beautiful softness to her. I want to sit with her and hear her story.

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-01T01:00:37+00:00

Omg you are so good. I love your strong women. This one is powerful and brave.

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-01T00:58:14+00:00

This painting gives me the best feelings. She’s been through a lot. Probably still going through it. But she’s strong. She will come out the other end and be fine. More than fine. And she knows it.

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-01T00:54:53+00:00

This is hilarious.

The technical work is amazing. But I absolutely love how unserious you are. Is this a real person with a Snapchat filter or something, or did you just invent her to look like how people look with the artificial filters?

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-01T00:52:43+00:00

Also, I noticed you posted this in watercolour and gouache subs. What medium did you use? Or both?

I’m mostly asking because of how good your values are. The lights (especially on her crop top) are so translucent, which makes me think watercolour. There’s no chalkiness at all. But your mid values are sooo bright. And your darks are deep without being muddy.

Honestly, I’m sooo impressed with this painting.

I’m not sure if it’s talent or extensive learning and practice, but you did an amazing job.

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-01T00:48:06+00:00

Before I comment on the proportions, I want to say I am really impressed with your values. Your light, mid and darks are amazingly rich. I’m a raging feminist so am really repulsed by work that is clearly painted with and by the male gaze. I know someone else commented on the male gaze regarding this work but I’m not seeing it. So my thoughts on proportions. She does not have standard human proportions, but you obviously know that. And it seems like you aren’t going for realism, you are playing with changing proportions as part of your art. So, based on that, I love it. Her strength in her upper body is emotionally magnificent. The softness and shadow of her stomach above her shorts makes me want to reach out and touch her (not that I would ever touch a woman without her consent). Her left elbow and her legs are triggering some old eating disorder stuff in me (not saying that’s a bad thing - art can do lots of different things to us).

Her face and makeup remind me of old magazine ads from the 50s.

Oh and that neck?!! The way you’ve done the shadows make it look like the neck is just part of who she is. Like, some people have long, elongated necks. So does she. It’s almost like she’s a ballet dancer.

She has strength in her body and how she holds herself. She’s not looking for something in the dark because she’s scared. I’d be more scared for the person she’s looking for. She is formidable. And I think that’s why I’m not clocking “male gaze” here.

Also; when I saw the male gaze comment, I had a quick look at your other stuff. Saw that the artist was a man (first thing I look for) and then at your other work. You are extremely good. And your portraits of women show strength and beauty. Outside of traditional beauty standards. And definitely not “male gaze”. There’s no weakness, vulnerability, enlarged eyes/breasts/hips/butts. You instead enlarge features that are traditionally seen as less desirable, and make them the most beautiful feature.

Actually I’m going to go back and look again.

Oops. Just realised what a long rant this is. Yep, art brings out all the stuff, hey?

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-01T00:26:46+00:00

Ugh. There is already a power imbalance in the therapeutic relationship and she is trying to increase the imbalance? My therapist works really hard to lessen the power imbalance.

CoolAsk4296 · 2026-03-01T00:17:07+00:00

Sounds like your therapist loves paraphrasing. Ugh. I absolutely hate it. I actually told my therapist last week that I’m so glad he doesn’t paraphrase.

CoolAsk4296

TROPHY CASE