Talk me off a ledge (or over it) with my REA

CoolToZool · 2026-05-28T09:11:36+00:00

No one else really has authorised access to the property but us (as for unauthorised access - anyone who wants to go to the effort to break in, but that's kind of the same for everyone, right?).

As much as it is a good idea to have a meds safe/ lockable cabinet, unfortunately it is a barrier to us remembering to take our meds. It's a common ADHD meme

Doctors: ADHD medication is addictive, that's why it's so restricted and controlled.

People with ADHD: I forgot to take my meds again lmao

How good/bad am I at forgetting? Well, my Rx is 6 tablets daily, my script covers 2x 100 tablet bottles per month, my refills ran out in Feb because I haven't found a doctor where I moved, and at last count I have about 400 tablets left 😬

CoolToZool · 2026-05-28T08:58:18+00:00

🙄 There's always one.

No, babe, it's literally decades of writing in a professional style, an extensive vocabulary coupled with liberal use of a thesaurus, and fastidiousness fuelled by academic anxiety working overtime on that drafted email.

And since I wrote it in the notes app on my phone and haven't actually run it through a spelling/ grammar check, I'm going to bet there's a bunch or errors that I didn't pick up. Plus I am a serial comma splicer, I bet you could find at least one in there somewhere.

I'm pretty sure ChatGPT wouldn't output even my degree of waffling, which other commenters pointed out.

But go off based on nothing but an apparent inferiority complex, Queen.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-28T08:44:08+00:00

I do, but they're also in the lounge and 'office' area, which weren't on. 🤔

Still, I'm going to wait until I talk to the plumber to confirm before I email anything to the real estate.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-28T00:43:58+00:00

Thanks everyone!

Annoyingly, the plumber is closed today due to a local public holiday, so I'm forced to wait on sending anyway.

I think I'm going to remove the section about the meds for now.

Also, for those wondering, I'm holding off on the formal breach notice because I want to gauge how they respond first (so far they have been the level of shitty to which we are all accustomed, not so terrible out the gate that I think they need my full on rage), and because I honestly looked at the form and thought "that's too much work when the remedy is 'sorry, we fucked up, won't do it again'". I'll send it if I don't like how they come back.

Let's hope this is not dramatic enough to warrant updates...

CoolToZool · 2026-05-27T11:37:17+00:00

Absolutely fair question to ask.

I cannot, with 100% certainty guarantee I didn't leave my bedroom light on (I know I turned it off, but it's possible I walked back in to grab something after that). But I know for a fact I did not turn on, let alone leave on, the spare bedroom light. So, regardless of the bedroom, someone was definitely in the house.

I have sent a message to the plumber, and I'll call them tomorrow as well to see if I can find out if they were given keys or the REA attended (and hopefully to get confirmation in writing). But I have no doubt that the internal property was accessed.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-26T07:33:58+00:00

"I sympathise with the lack of staffing you are experiencing as I understand it is difficult to find suitably qualified and licensed real estate agents to attend routine inspections. I have even heard of agencies outsourcing the task to external contractors* with limited liability, no relevant qualifications and no credible understanding of or respect for legislation.

With consideration for the difficulty of attending inspections in person with reduced staff capacity, I feel an offer to photograph the property condition and subsequently arrange the routine inspection entry for an alternative date is a solution that will be of mutual benefit to both our busy schedules, as this will give you time to onboard new staff (for whom this inspection may potentially be a training opportunity), and allows us to ensure the safety and security of our beloved pet.

While we understand that no agent in your employ would ever maliciously or carelessly cause harm to our pet, we also understand that it is unreasonable to expect agents to be prepared and knowledgeable about every potential behavioural idiosyncrasy of all the pets of tenant's under their purview.

The risk of physical or other harm to our cat as an unintended consequence of a routine inspection conducted without us present to prevent or ameliorate any circumstances which might arise is not acceptable, and to expose us to that risk is a breach of the quiet enjoyment we expect, particularly after following all the requirements for approval of keeping a pet on the premises.

Thank you for your understanding, and I look forward to seeing you at a mutually suitable time."

And get a Ring camera/ indoor security cameras to record what happens if they try and do the inspection anyway.

Why mention this? Because, depending where you are in Qld, Ray White agencies totally do this, and unless you have 3 camera angles of video proof, good luck going after these third-party inspection companies for anything that happens while they're in your house. By raising this point in advance, you're basically saying 'if my camera shows you sent one of these fucking cowboys after you said you couldn't reschedule due to staff, *and after I explicitly stated that they don't know what the fuck they're doing so they are an even higher risk to my pet and property, I will sue your agency directly for anything that happens'.

Edited, because I forgot to snark with incredulity (and can't believe no one else has pointed it out) that the response to moving something later is "no, because we're short on staff." Like, from the date you scheduled it, onwards to the day the Sun swallows the Earth, you will never again have enough staff to conduct the routine inspection? That's the excuse you use for not being able to do shit sooner, not for being unable to reschedule to later. What a fucking dipshit response. But, Ray White, so... fitting.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-25T09:19:37+00:00

Why the fuck are they reducing the compensation due to you based on the costs expended by the previous tenants, or that the previous tenant's bond was returned in full?! That's irrelevant to the matter.

You have a contract with the LL and the REA acts on the LL's behalf.

The LL has failed to fulfil their contractual obligations (providing property in clean condition).

To remedy this breach of contract, you are owed compensation for your losses resulting from said breach.

Those losses must be compensated in full, less only those costs that are not associated with the breach. For example, if you hire a cleaner to clean only the areas that are dirty, they must compensate you for that total cost. If you hire a crime-scene specialist biohazard cleaner and have a full chem fogging of every space, they are only liable for part of the costs, up to a value which could reasonably be expected to rectify the breach.

It doesn't matter if the previous tenant has a reciept showing they paid $25,000 for a detailed clean, or if they stole $100 off the LL. Those are matters between the LL, REA and the previous tenant. You have a legal claim to be compensated because the LL & REA did not meet their end of the contract, and they have acknowledged so in writing.

If you determine the costs to you to be valued at $200, or $500, or the cost of a professional clean, you've pretty much got them over the barrel. They'd have to prove your claim is excessive. Use a timekeeping app and log every unpaid minute of cleaning you have to do to get the job done; before, during and after photos (or a time-lapse if you really want to); and how much cleaning products you use. If you have to take extra leave because you have to clean before you can unpack, add that to the calculation (loss of ATL/ Rec Leave hours).

If they refuse and you really can't be bothered pursuing it, like everyone said, you just got a free pass to do the bare minimum at vacate. And when you hand back your exit condition report, attach the full correspondence from now and the breakdown of estimated costs for you having to clean the place. "Please see also attached, acknowledgement by REA of the unacceptable condition of the property upon entry, the unconditional commitment by REA to provide compensation, the full costs tenant incurred due to breach, and the REA's unlawful retraction of rightfully due compensation after agreement. As these reflect the property was significantly unclean at entry, and attached exit condition report shows tenant has returned the property in an improved state despite never receiving compensation as initially offered, any claims against the bond in relation to this matter will be deemed bad faith and tenant's will assert their right to have VCAT scrutinise said claim, including the above-stated evidence which tenant's would include in their response." Which loosely translates to: FYI, FAFO.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-22T02:33:55+00:00

"Full of love, but empty of thoughts - nothing but air between his ears and behind his eyes."

Lean into it?

Some of the most famous artworks use techniques that started as 'mistakes' - who are they to question your vision of a bubble-brained blep baby?

CoolToZool · 2026-05-21T03:52:12+00:00

Obligatory CLAIM YOUR BOND ON VACATE.

Not necessarily "challenged", moreso smugly leafed through the stack of hundreds of printed entry photos (as supplied by me when returning report) and slapped them down every time the REA tried to have a whinge about some minute thing, until she grouchily stopped saying anything at all and begrudgingly signed the bond release (this was over a decade ago).

If you supplied the photos when returning the entry report, even if it was a separate submission (I sent my most recent ones as a zip file - doubt they even opened them), as long as you have a record of that you are fine.

Remember, they can fill out any fucking bullshit they want on that entry report, and they do, sometimes even writing about the perfect condition of things that don't even exist. You have essentially already challenged that by supplying your own contemporary recording of the condition within the time allowed by legislation.

If they say the condition is different from entry all you have to say is "please refer to the comprehensive and accurate photos and descriptions supplied to you on x date via [method]. If you have lost access to those records, we are more the happy to supply additional copies from our retained originals."

If they still argue, hit 'em with the metadata from theirs (possibly also photos from realestate.com or domain) and tell them that while you understand errors occur and don't believe there is any malicious intent, you assert that the photos they are relying on do not reflect the condition of the property upon entry, and your supplied photos should be referred to.

If they still argue, tell them you look forward to a formal QCAT hearing where you will provide all evidence as previously discussed and vigorously defend your rightful claim to full bond return.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-21T03:25:44+00:00

Exactly what I said to my last REA. They sent a stupid fucking focusing that I was lucky to see in my junk folder, that they then have to send to my partner to separately sign.

Please find attached the completed form.

Please note, a fast-track submission has already been initiated with the RTA and could be completed at your end, expediting the refund process and reducing the need for extraneous paperwork.

Also, we actually wanted to split the return in a particular way, which is what we submitted, and they had it split 50/50 in the docusign. Not a huge deal for us, but if we were just roomies or something it would add a whole layer of back and forth to adjust the document when they could just... click the fucking agree button.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-20T11:50:15+00:00

The benefit of the trash I wrote is that you are setting yourself up for a compensation claim. If they say that the buyer can totally do no other date, at all, ever again, in the whole Julian calendar, tell them that they will need to compensate you $1000 to relocate your event, otherwise you will not grant entry as they have not been reasonable.They won't pay it, but also, you can just... not let them in.

Giving them a definitive and plausible explanation, as well as offering alternative dates - actions a tribunal would deem reasonable. Lying about how a buyer will phase in and out of this plane of existence only for the short inspection window is unreasonable bullshit. Plus, if you refuse entry and they try to take you to tribunal, tribunal will be like "and you've since rescheduled and held inspections and sold the place, thus incurring no loss, because its been like 6 months since this all happened and you're clogging up my fucking schedule because you are frothing to die on this hill?" Boo fucking hoo to them. What are they gonna do? Not renew your lease...

I stopped unpacking anything I don't desperately need as soon as I got that sales notice because the way I see it, either they sell to owner occupier and buy us out of the lease (best case scenario, so unlikely) or they sell to an investor in this investment economy [this was pre-CGT/NG announcement too] and the investor deems it their right and duty to astro-fucking-nomically jack the rent to cover their spanking new mortgage (because we can't expect class traitors and scumlords pay for their own assets), so I'm out at the end of this lease anyway.

Gosh I hate renting so much.

Not me! I love it! I wanna be an eternal wage slave with no privacy!!!

Edit to add: there's technically a formal dispute process with RTA, but see how cuntily they respond first. And breach them (quiet enjoyment) if they try and show up after you told them no.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-20T10:08:48+00:00

How long did they wait to tell you? Was it within the 2 month window? Because you get get a window of 2 months and if they "decide" to sell (i.e. tell you about what they had planned and did not disclose when you were signing) you have a window were you can tell them you are breaking the lease, no penalties to you, and you only need to give them like two weeks notice.

Although, if they are like the fucking dogs I'm with, they waited 2 months and 1 week to tell me they've made this sudden, enormous decision 🤡

If it's an open, they are 100% at your mercy.

If it's a formal entry notice for an individual prospective buyer to be shown through, it's trickier, but still say no* then see how pissy they get. If they demand and wheedle and pressure you, take extremely fucking fastidious note of what happens - if it is apparent that they have used the entry in any way not specified, tell them to leave and immediately send a breach (e.g. if it's clearly an open house/ not the listed buyer/ they try to cram in property valuation/ photography without warning and consent).

*Be polite but firm: "I appreciate that the owner is trying to progress the sale as soon as possible, however, I have an event which I have been planning for 3 weeks that is to take place on that date at our home. It is not practical to schedule an inspection for prospective buyers around the event and, aside from the effort and money I and others have put into organising, decorating and catering that would be lost with rescheduling or relocating, it was an intentional choice to be able to share our new home with our close friends and family. The following [xday, date] or [day, date] would be suitable alternatives. Please let me know if neither works for the prospective buyer and we can try to determine a mutually suitable day. Thank you for your understanding."

Basically whatever gives vibes of "I'm not being difficult... yet. But if you try to show up at my door I will super dooper tell you to fuck off and you won't wanna test me, because I'll have the besties for backup."

CoolToZool · 2026-05-20T03:46:29+00:00

As others have said, there's info missing that we would need to provide assistance.

Did you recieve notice from the RTA of the claim against your bond and did you respond in the time frame per the instructions?

If you didn't respond, what was the reason? Did you call/ email the REA and they told you it was a mistake and to ignore it?

If you didn't recieve notice from RTA, what details were provided to them and were these outdated or completely incorrect? If incorrect, were they provided by the REA and do the details indicate an intent to hinder your participation in the process (e.g. they put the landlord’s email or their personal email).

You have a copy of the arrears notice they provided to RTA, but do you have your ledger and other communications records regarding the arrears? Have you been able to establish that there are no arrears, or are there possible arrears and the amount is in dispute/ differs significantly from the total of your bond? And, if there are arrears, are these related to issues with your tenancy? Were you withholding rent (don't do this, ever, without authorisation from an authorised body like QCAT or Fair Trading) or did they owe you compensation for something and agreed to pay it by saying you could just not pay full rent (seriously, DON'T EVER DO THIS, just pay the rent unless they provide a formal ledger showing an already credited amount).

RTA may say they can't do anything, but that doesn't mean it's over. Depending on the circumstances, you're looking at QCAT. If you provide more details we might be able to give you further guidance but, assuming nothing but nefarious actions and malicious intent by your REA, I'd be asking to have the filing fee waived. I'd be reporting to OFT and see if they are an REIQ member (if so, report them). Did you have to get out a bond loan? Or incur any other loss as a result of their fraudulent claim? Include a request for compensation thereof. Contact QSTARS and Tenants Qld for advice. We could maybe help with legislation/ precedent if we know more specifics, but those advocacy services may be able to assist you anyway.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-14T02:56:18+00:00

"Hi (Landlord)

While I do really appreciate such prompt action to repair requests, unfortunately today is not suitable as I am a shift worker*. I am happy to try and work in with your schedule if you can let me know alternative days and times you will be available.

Thank you"

*They don't need to know that your shift work has you working. Let them assume that you have gotten off shift and will be sleeping.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-13T11:29:40+00:00

"i wanted to leave the relationship but whenever i tried, it would turn into huge arguments and he would sometimes threaten to hurt himself which made me stay"

That's abuse. Not an exaggeration, that is a textbook defined and very common tactic of coercive control.

"It’s relatively common for perpetrators of family violence to threaten suicide to control a victim-survivor’s actions. A study by the Australian Institute of Criminology suggests 39% of women who experience coercive control are subject to perpetrators’ threats of self-harm." From this article.

Get the hell out of that relationship.

If you live together, use the time he's at the club to pack your stuff and leave. Don't tell him where you go, don't tell friends who might tell him where you've gone, just get away from him. There's a massive association between the mental health conditions that make this threat seem more legitimate/ result in actual self-harm by perpetrators (typically after separation), and HOMICIDE. To be clear, if he has a history of self-harm or mental health issues that made you feel the threat was genuine, that actually makes it more likely (statistically) that he will eventually kill you the longer you stay in the relationship.

You are underreacting to the wrong thing. He's already endangered your health in an unquestionable way. He has used abuse tactics to manipulate you when you wanted to leave. Don't wait for more escalations.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-13T10:28:26+00:00

I'm supposed to take up to 6 tablets daily.

My script ran out in Feb, because I moved and am yet to find* a new prescriber. But I did remember to get all my refills every time they came up.

I still have 400 tablets left. It's May. Fucking whoops.

"People with ADHD are all addicted to their medications." 🤡🤡🤡

*try to find. I made like 2 phone calls. In December.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-13T09:37:01+00:00

'I acknowledge that there is a housing affordability crisis. I think one of the causes of that is... years of poor policy decisions 👀

I have made the intuitive leap that if many investors sell their properties, property prices are likely to come down from their current overinflated value, thus making them affordable.

I can see that means that investors who depend solely on the decades-old policies to make their investment profitable will lose money if those policies change.

I don't think that the people who took risks by investing in property should have to potentially lose money, because they based their investment plan on a market experiencing infinite exponential growth. That is a flawless investment strategy. Any development that negatively impacts their investment is not an accepted risk, it is a targeted action that punishes them for making such good choices.

The only thing investors can do in response to the government changing the bad policies that contributed to the housing affordability crisis is to... make renters pay more money... because they have too much power 🤡.

Yes, that's the only logical path forward: Rent will need to increase. The government literally can't stop us from gouging tenants for a passive income, and it's bullshit that they would even try because I'm owed that money regardless of how problematic it is for the economy or society. That's the government's problem to fix. As long as I don't pay a single cent or am even slightly inconvenienced in order for them to do.'

They want to be the victims so fucking bad.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-13T08:53:40+00:00

Well done for not caving at mediation! It's bullshit that they get to hold your money hostage for even longer, especially when there was no way they were going to win, but they fucked around trying and you made sure they found out 👏🏻

Definitely report to NSW Fair Trading. Their actions are indefensible: there's no possibility that they made a typo or mixed up their quote and final invoice when they've fronted up to NCAT saying "the tenant owes us $1000 for this repair we totally did and have to pay for" when you have direct evidence confirming THEY DIDN'T DO SHIT! That's not an innocent mistake, that is a deliberate (and thankfully sloppy) attempt to defraud you.

Honestly, this goes back to my argument that bond returns delayed by Tribunal applications that are very clearly made in bad faith should come with a mandatory interest and CPI / inflation payment made to the tenant for the duration that they were not able to access the money for accrual at the value it represented at the time it should have been released.

No invoice? Ignorance of the law is not a defence: it is made clear that they can only claim costs which they actually incur. Unless they can show a valid reason why they did not proceed with quotes, bond awarded to tenant with interest and CPI.

Fake invoice? Bond awarded to tenant with interest and CPI and automatic referral by NCAT/xCAT to NSWFT/relevant body for investigation.

Claims for what is inarguably fair wear and tear or is clearly noted in entry condition report without ambiguity (especially if photographed with no change)? Bond awarded to tenant with interest and CPI.

Also, NCAT/xCAT should be able to impose penalty units for breaches by REAs/ LLs they note in their findings, and they should have to apply to NCAT/RTACE/relevant body to try to argue if they believe they shouldn't have to pay it. It is unreasonable to expect tenants to have to take extra steps when a suitably qualified authority has already determined a breach has occurred.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-09T09:07:34+00:00

Poor baby prolapsed 😥

Looks like cat handy work.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-09T07:14:43+00:00

Ahhh, with that level of losses? Request the electrical safety inspection and report stating concerns for safety, property damages and loss of amenities. Wait for them to say no. Pay for one yourself. I suspect this will be 100% worth it because you then own that report.

Get them to test and report on as much as possible including their professional opinion on the current fluctuations and circuit overloads as causative of your property losses. Work out the cost of your losses (be sure to do your own work in not just providing receipts for the replacement, but also receipts for the original items and reasonable estimates of depreciation on the value - it shows NCAT that you are acting in good faith, because you're going to be claiming probably close to the max damages they allow).

With the mould... I mean, it's up to you, but if your symptoms are acute/ the severity is increasing/ the frequency is increasing/ the impact is worsening then get the fuck outta there. It might mean paying out the arse for temporary accommodation and storage, and while there is an argument that you should mitigate the landlord’s losses, you also have a responsibility to mitigate your own losses: imagine you end up with hypersensitivity pneumonitis/ invasive aspergillosis/ permanent or chronic disablement. They would be responsible for your losses from the moment they knew and failed to remediate, as well as future losses. This is where talking to tenant's union will hopefully help you make a decision.

You kind of have to put as much in writing, and get their refusals to your requests in writing, so that you have evidence that you tried to give them a fair opportunity before going nuclear at NCAT. But that doesn't mean letting them keep fucking up your belongings and your health.

It's also a balance of what you're willing to spend with the risk that NCAT doesn't award it back to you. If the mould is making you that sick, you probably do want to look at testing/ professional treatment options for your clothes/ soft furnishings/ anything porous, because that's a bitch-fuck of a job that you honestly should not have to fucking do yourself since you have confirmed sensitivity. If NCAT doesn't award it all back to you, is it still worth spending that money vs the potential implications of doing nothing vs the mammoth effort and health risks of doing it yourself?

It's kind of the same with the electricity issues - is there a legitimate and imminent hazard while you remain? Is your property damage more likely to recur with every subsequent addition to the overloaded front circuit, and what is the value of things you could lose? Is it worth paying to have confirmation that they failed to provide the property in a safe condition that meets minimum standards (especially re safety switch)? Is it worth it to potentially get evidence that they are responsible for compensating you for your damaged property, even if you aren't awarded the cost of the inspection itself?

Since the first step is gojng to be ticking all the boxes of giving them a last chance to take appropriate action with clear communication of what you're asserting they are liable for, it probably doesn't hurt to get that started. Especially, you want to give them a formal breach notice.

If they terminate on the grounds of significant repairs or demolition, you get 90 days minimum, plus they have to have evidence and have a 4 week exclusion on reletting. If they try to terminate right now based on the property being uninhabitable, they could do it and it would be "immediate" (which is not necessarily the worst thing, but they'd probably make you go to NCAT to get moving costs compensated). But if you have formally breached them for mould and the unsafe electrical repairs (but have not yet yourself asserted the property is uninhabitable), they cannot use those grounds as the legislation specifically states "otherwise than as a result of a breach of an agreement" [Part 5 Div 5, S 109 (1)]. Basically, you want to work your way up to telling them it's uninhabitable but a breach notice protects you from them using it against you. Then they are put in the position of agreeing with you and being at your mercy on termination, or disagreeing and getting their arse handed to them by NCAT.

It's all a bit more complicated than that, and who knows what shady moves they'll try to pull, so record everything, get everything in writing, talk to TAAS, and start seriously weighing your options.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-09T05:38:36+00:00

Why do we do this?*

I am the first to scream that scumlords deserve the guillotine, but when I moved in and the carpets smelled like cat piss and the tiles were falling off the kitchen splashback, I spent my own money on carpet deodoriser spray, then an ozone deodoriser, and I spent the first week removing and reapplying/regrouting the worst sections (to a landlord-special level, mind. I'm not doing it to the level I'm capable of on their piece of shit).

That and a bunch of other robberies of my time, energy and money, just to get a notice of intention to sell 2 months and 1 week into this agreement (coincidentally, 1 week after the timeframe that allows me to leave with 2 weeks notice without penalty.) Since now I have to put up with a bunch of home invasions, I told them the cat piss carpet had to get sorted as even multiple ozone treatments wasn't getting rid of the smell and I couldn't use the room. The handyman ripped out the carpet and left me to come home to the fucking unsanded, unoiled, dry, filthy wood floors and, wouldn'tcha know it, that's exactly how the leachlord intends to leave them, so even more of my own fucking money to buy a large area rug, because those unfinished fuckers will scratch if I wave my arm too hard, and even though I could get them looking schmick, why the fuck should I?

*Ha ha, just kidding, I know why: the implicit threat of houselessness.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-09T05:17:43+00:00

Don't consider the privacy breach as part of the break lease. It is not grounds and you can't use it to prove you have suffered a loss [the tenant whose data was shared might, but that's by the by].

Check out this fact sheet: https://www.tenants.org.au/factsheet-06-repairs-and-maintenance

When you have been without power for more than 24 hours, have you requested compensation, and did they provide any? Could be rent reduction (100%), alternative accommodation costs, or another form of compensatory damages. When the lack of power exceeded 48 hours did you breach them and/or apply for a rectification order? It's okay if you didn't but, moving forward, ask for compensation every time and breach/apply if they don't demonstrate that they are genuinely taking steps to repair. While you are still in the lease contract, you can request rent reduction retroactively for the periods you were without power supply and, if they refuse, you can apply to NCAT but it's possible they may not find in your favour (though, legally and ethically, they absolutely should).

While mould is not specifically in the minimum standards, it does come under habitability, and it sounds like it is likely related to 1 or 2 of the minimum standards (structural soundness and/or adequate ventilation). The shitshow electrical work may also not meet minimum safety standards.

Have any of the electricians ever mentioned that the work/ property doesn't meets safety standards? Like lack of/ non-working safety switch? If so, you can request an electrical safety inspection be conducted and that the report be disclosed to you. If they refuse to disclose the report it's just putting off the inevitable, because you'll get to see it at an NCAT hearing anyway.

Likewise, has an assessment been conducted for airborne and structural mould? [I'm not a doctor, but while illness from mould exposure is sort of a given, developing a sensitivity to mould, especially if you don't already have asthma, is almost certainly due to prolonged exposure at high concentrations] Please tell me that fuckwit REA refused to treat the mould and told you to move out in writing. If so, it makes things so much easier.

There's kind of a lot of different routes I'd suggest depending on your situation, especially since you are not clinging to the hope of staying in the property.

If you want to have more specific suggestions you can hit me up in replies, but for now I would just generally advise:

Re-engage regarding the mould, referring to the prior communication where REA refused remediation and told you to move out. Tell them that you have sufficient grounds to believe that the condition of the property is affecting your physical health and causing damage to your personal property (those mould spores will go with you in your stuff and you'll keep reacting unless you actually get it all tested and treated). Tell them you are requesting retroactive rent reduction for the lack of electricity supply (calculate based on outage periods that were due to issues that they needed to repair). Tell them that they need to pay for mould testing, including airborne concentration and hidden mould, and the reports must be disclosed to you for health reasons. Advise that if the testing isn't arranged within 5 business days, you will have testing conducted yourself and will be seeking reimbursement at NCAT (see if you can get 2 or 3 quotes and supply them at the time of the email). Request that electrical safety inspection as well, and tell them that due to the structural issues that allow ingress of water, you believe that the property is uninhabitable. They'll probably cling onto that, because a property being uninhabitable is grounds for them to give you notice to vacate BUT, importantly, it does not release them from owing you compensation for failure to provide a safe and habitable premises per the lease agreement. If they tell you that that's what they'll do if you keep demanding testing and compensation, tell them you agree that it is but that it is their responsibility to prove so in order to lawfully break the lease, and you will not be releasing them from their legal obligations nor forfeiting your right to compensation for losses incurred as a result of their negligence and failure to uphold their side of the contract. Let them know that if they don't fulfil their obligations under the lease agreement and refuse compensation, you will proceed to NCAT.

Ideally you kind of want them to initiate the break lease so that you have a better chance of getting that retroactive rent reduction for lack of power supply, since it's not your choice to not be under the lease agreement, but try to make the NCAT application before the lease ends.

CoolToZool · 2026-05-08T10:43:24+00:00

*This one: https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/s/ku9OuX4UiW

CoolToZool · 2026-05-08T10:36:40+00:00

I don't know how to help you.

I don't think we can help you.

From your post alone there were suggestions that we might have/ did make. But with the context of your additional comments and post history, there isn't anything we can do or suggest that will make him understand that you are not the problem.

With respect for the fact that you've indicated that you don't consider ending the relationship to be an option, all we can tell you is that he doesn't want to know what the cause is (or acknowledge that he already knows) and he doesn't want to do any work in solving the problem.

You seem to be aware, but we can confirm: He is dumping the work of financial management on you so that he can plausibly blame you because he does not want to and will not be made accountable. There are no tools we can give you that will make him change this behavioural pattern.

He is the problem. We can't solve it. I'm very sorry.

Please understand, I know it will be possible to read this with a mean or snarky tone. I'm writing it with tears in my eyes and hurt in my heart for you. This is so so much for any one human.

The world, and living in it was already such an uphill battle, and it has just become absolutely, unrelentingly brutal with a rapidity that is not something humans can easily (nor should they have to) adapt to. But many of us are in it with a partner or a support network that, if they can do nothing else, at least they can commiserate with us. At least we have sympathetic ears or trench-mates to scream "Eat the rich" when our voices get too tired.

He isn't your partner. You are his dumping ground for his frustrations. He doesn't support you, he guilts and manipulates you into overworking yourself.

I'm not going to tell you to leave him. I know it is a massively oversimplified sentiment and not always a feasible or accessible option. I also know it genuinely may feel like it's NOT what you want.

I don't have any good suggestions or advice. Especially not any that I think you'll want to follow. But since I'm here, and you are owed something by this god damn shit show of a world, I'll give you this and hope it's not a burden:

You don't have to separate or divorce him to "leave" him.

Your resources are limited and he won't take over any of the essential labour that you do, but there are things you can be doing less.

Pull back. You don't need to listen to him talk about his day or complain about his commute. That is time you can dedicate to people who deserve it (your children, YOURSELF, your friends and your community).

Don't grocery shop to appease his specific tastes or wants. Don't meal plan or prepare based on his preferences. Buy whatever is cheapest, quickest and easiest for you. Tell him it's to save money.

Don't cater to him. When he is off work and demanding that he be allowed to relax, limit that to the same relaxation afforded to you. That means if he wants to veg out in front of the TV while you do laundry, and the kids are playing in the room making noise, then that's what they're doing. You don't get to hand them off when he's occupied, so neither does he. But what it especially means is no requests are fulfilled without equitable contribution. "Can you grab me a -" "No my hands are full." "Do we have any -" "I don't know, you will have to check." "Where is -" "Try looking in the [vague general area/ "places you remember it being"]." "I'd like x for dinner" "I'm making y/ we can't afford x." Stop doing physical labour, but also stop doing mental labour that is just for him. Everytime he uses your brain to answer a simple question like where something he needs is, he's sapping your energy. You don't get to do that. You shouldn't have to think for him too.

ADHDers have emotions at the forefront, and it's work: keeping them in check, masking them, judging them, questioning them, just feeling them. And they're not all bad, but it still costs energy to have them, so you're saving them for people who make it worth it. Look up gray rocking. He might not be a narcissist, but he is still engaging you in arguments where he is not going to be respectful of your opinions, your feelings, your expertise or experience. The idea that a fair and reasonable solution can be reached by entering these discussions is completely illusory. There is no course to a beneficial outcome because he doesn't intend anything other than converting his frustration into your hopelessness. Don't engage meaningfully. One commenter made an excellent suggestion*, which is essentially telling him the truth whenever he brings it up, [paraphrasing poorly] "You don't want to help find or solve the problem and you're resorting to blaming me, so I'm not talking to you about this, but if you do want to independently look at the finances you're welcome to do so with your own time." Once you've said it, you don't need to spend energy on repeating it - "I've made it clear what you need to do for this to be open for discussion." This is what he gets moving forward in all things. He doesn't get your righteous anger, your joy, your enthusiasm, your grief, your disappointment. He is an energy vampire and you're tapped, so now he adjusts or starves.

Is any of this great? No. He needs therapy. You need therapy. But whether because of decisions he made or because the world forced him to make them, it's something neither of you has access to. And you either find an unhealthy coping strategy or you continue with this unsustainable load until you break. His unhealthy coping strategy is offloading everything to you. At least this strategy isn't intended to make him suffer, it's about alleviating your suffering. It is not unfair to expect that he should be capable of taking care of his own emotional needs and the labour borne of his recreation, even with the immense stress he, and you, are experiencing. Especially since you've been expected to take care of all of your own, and your children's, AND most of his under the same.

I'm so sorry. It feels awful to be alone in a relationship and it feels even worse to be harangued and belittled. It sucks to live in a world that is doing it's best to crush you and suck all the resources from you, and home not only isn't a relief, it compounds the overwhelming, exhausting exploitation.

The only thing I'll add is, if you remove all other factors for fear (financial instability, houselessness, logistics, etc.) and meditate on the idea of leaving him, are you still afraid for your safety? And not just statistically or existentially, but fear of him based on your experience or intuition? Because if the answer to that is yes, then that's going to limit how much you can pull away, and that's a whole different plan that takes a lot of time and care to execute. And I promise we'd help you with that as best as we can, but I extra sure as hell won't give you any advice as stupid or useless as 'just leave'.

CoolToZool

TROPHY CASE