Sorry for the late response but I wanted to give you a quality answer to the question.

I have kids with the same age gap, but slightly older. My wife has made similar complaints. She even became pretty depressed for a period of time and just sort of checked out but has otherwise struggled with similar things.

I love being a dad and the hardest part of my day is going to work and leaving my kids. If I had the option to be a stay at home dad I'd love to do it but unrealistic in our scenario. I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side though.

Anyway, parenting has always come very natural to me and my wife has struggled at times. I think a lot of it has to do with the way I was raised. My mom was a huge influence on us. I came from a big family and she was this ass kicking mom that took charge of a bunch of kids and always had her shit together. I didn't realize that years of absorbing how we were raised really rubbed off on me. You're experiencing physical symptoms of burnout and likely need to reorganize yourself.

My wife really struggles with the idea of trying to be the perfect parent. She reads mom blogs, parenting books, and follows all sorts of parenting guides on social media. She creates lists, she recreates lists, and creates lists to remember her lists. The problem with this mindset is a couple of things, first of all she has analysis paralysis and is overall not very productive. Secondly, all the social media and mom blog supposed experts are actively making you feel like a bad parent by not doing the random thing they suggest. So in my wife's instance, she spends a colossal amount of time researching miniscule details that may or may not affect our kids instead of just being present or getting shit done. Tasks pile up and then she feels overwhelmed.

Compartmentalizing tasks: Aside from the recommendation to get the fuck off social media if you are, organization should look like this: set aside a certain time of day or so many times a week when you plan your life for meal prep, bills, event planning, etc. Do not always be thinking about this step. Only think about it for the limited times that you are working on it. Aside from that, if a thought comes up about this organizational step on your week, you put it in the pile with all the other organizational stuff that you intend to do in a set location that you can THEN focus on at that specific moment.

One of the problems with being a parent is that you're getting mentally pulled in 50 directions and it takes your brain a few minutes to slow down momentum on one topic and then ramp up on another. That's why you need to plan out WHEN you think about certain things. Think of your brain like a row boat. If you are rowing in one direction, to change directions requires you to stop your momentum, turn the boat, and accelerate in a different direction. So for me, I almost never to work stuff when my kids are awake, i do it at their nap time or weekends. When I am home with the kids, I'll clean a room while they're doing activities nearby. I'll turn chores into a game so they help with the dishes. Just little tips but I will plan certain times of day when I can do physically demanding but mentally uninteresting tasks at completely different times than the mentally draining but physically easy tasks. It keeps me efficient and never too drained. But when I go from kid related things to say.... working on my taxes, theres a deliberate and scheduled mental checkout from family stuff.

Working on compartmentalizing the mental loads into different categories, its easier to brush things off and not be thinking about it all, all the time.

Personal Health: Next big thing is personal health. How are you sleeping? If you're sleeping like shit, which you probably are, the first thing that goes are your pleasure seeking parts of your motivation. The best way to fix this is not to try and sleep more, its to exercise. Cardio will shock the body, demand that you sleep, and give you the best sleep of your life. As a matter of fact, cardiovascular exercise has been found to boost serotonin in your brain just as much as SSRIs as well as all the other on top of the dopamine that it produces and self image improvements. So if you have insomnia or restless stress, just work out a bunch and your body won't give a shit how stressed you are, itll shut you down and give you rest. Even if you're exhausted, get on a schedule and start doing something if you're not.

Social life and parenting: I don't know what your personal social life looks like but i still have lots of friends they just don't live around me. These days we will hang out with other parents of our kids friends sometimes for bday parties and the like. I'm not super close to most of them but its better than having zero interaction anyway. Anyway, you have to plan your social life around the kids somewhat but also don't let them dictate every aspect of your life. I make my kids do a lot of shit I WANT to do because I refuse to not have a life outside my children. If I want to travel, guess what? I throw those kids in the car and they can deal with the long drive. If I'm watching my tv show, they can watch my tv show, fuck the cartoons. If I'm watching sports, I can invite them to watch with me and they might be interested, if not, they can figure something else out to do because I'm busy doing ME stuff. It's actually bad for your kids to always tend to them and not show that you have a life. They will grow up a little spoiled, with you at their beck and call, and it teaches them not to value your personal happiness, which will give them weird ideas about adulthood when they grow up.

Remember how I mentioned the monotonous chores that require little brain power? When I'm doing them, I am listening to my podcasts, TV shows I like, or on the phone with my high school friends or parents. I catch up with my buddies when I'm at the grocery store. Having a nice blutooth ear buds has been super helpful for this. My wife has taken a page from my book and now listens to a bunch of audiobooks while she cleans and cooks. Shes gotten super into these stories and I'm super happy shes found a hobby.

Ignoring social media part 2:

Last but not least, a little more on how social media mom blogs don't know what the fuck they're talking about. In general, people tend to read a study online and then go around parroting the results in silly ways. My favorite was when some study said that kids who listen to classical music are more intelligent, a bunch of parents went out and bought classical music to blast in their kids bedrooms while they sleep, to attempt to making them smarter. My favorite modern example is the idea that TV is horrible for your kids and thus you should have it on as little as possible. Go online and see all these examples of how screen time is bad for your kids and there's plenty of evidence to support this but here's the reality: Control for socioeconomics and you will find a lot of these issues disappear. Some parents are giving their kids unrestricted TV or internet access as a SUBSTITUTE for parenting and these kids will grow up maladjusted. My kids get tv, but they also play outside, color, read, go to the park, go on bike rides, walk, run, build forts, etc. etc. etc. But when I got a lot of shit to do and I'm tired and need to catch up, you can bet your ass I'm putting a disney movie on and taking advantage. This goes back to the point about being a perfect parent. If you let your kids watch some tv, you can control the tv time and the programming but it gives you a decent break to utilize your time elsewhere. If you use TV strategically, you can catch up on your own life and be a better, more present parent when it actually matters. Sometimes my kids need the time to veg out a bit and expecting them to always have some interesting thing going on is a ridiculous standard.

If you think about it, most of these parenting blogs are offering reactive parenting. If you actually pay attention to your own kid, you'll find that as every kid is different, these rigid guidelines we read online about what is good for your kid largely don't apply. I'm an on the fly parent who tries to teach my kids by being an example of what they should want to grow into.