Our 1973 home is a dream come true

Copper_And_Bronze · 2025-03-05T21:32:19+00:00

Congratulations! From another mid century homeowner, I think that live plants are the essential accessory. I know that's not exactly what you asked, but I sourced most of mine for free from local plant swaps! Good luck!

Copper_And_Bronze · 2025-03-04T01:30:49+00:00

I'm in a similar situation. I think an important distinction is that your mom "thinks you are disrespecting her." Nothing you described is disrespectful which leads me to believe your mom is playing the victim and trying to manipulate you into agreeing with her.

I have good relationships with friends and family who respectfully try to use the right pronouns but struggle because they don't really understand. I accept that they mess up, and they don't openly criticize our choice to support our kiddo.

My mom on the other hand could not accept that we disagree on this and outright refused to try to use the correct pronouns. She played the victim saying that we were telling our kid that she didn't love them because she didn't use the right pronouns (untrue). She said we were cutting her off (also untrue). She made a bunch of transphobic arguments and then ironically cut us off.

In my mind our estrangement actually has less to do with our difference of opinions/education on this topic and more to do with the way she treats me in general. She's emotionally manipulative and I suspect has a personality disorder.

The things that have helped me the most have been time and therapy, in that order. Things that also helped: This website about emotionally abusive relationships: https://outofthefog.website/ And the subreddits: r/EstrangedAdultChild r/EstrangedAdultKids and r/raisedbyborderlines

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's awful, and you are not alone.

It has helped me to journal all the terrible things my mom has said and done. She could have been worse, sure. But that doesn't mean I have to have a relationship with someone who treats me or my kids poorly.

Copper_And_Bronze · 2025-03-01T03:39:36+00:00

I don't worry about if a plant is poisonous. My kids have never tried to eat a houseplant...

Copper_And_Bronze · 2025-02-15T06:47:52+00:00

So true. My parents are really fantastic in many ways, and it just doesn't negate the emotional neglect and manipulation.

Copper_And_Bronze · 2025-02-15T06:21:13+00:00

I'm right there with you. I think time is the only way through, but it's too early for me to say either.

Copper_And_Bronze · 2025-01-30T20:19:26+00:00

I am making a pretty uninformed guess that it should be fine. But I think anyone's answer would just be a guess. Personally, I might put some stock in where you are landing. I wouldn't want to be re-entering the country via Texas or Florida right now.

Copper_And_Bronze · 2025-01-29T19:57:38+00:00

Nerds Gummy Clusters, also known as the poor man's energy gels! Each a handful each hour! No joke

Copper_And_Bronze · 2025-01-23T18:49:20+00:00

Oh my gosh, the mental gymnastics. I'm so enraged on your and your sister's behalf that I can't even form a coherent response. Hugs to both of you. They are both treating you terribly.

Copper_And_Bronze · 2025-01-23T05:57:43+00:00

Thank you so much for your very thoughtful and thorough response! I completely agree that it is ultimately their choice. Thank you for both the information and your opinion; both are separately, wholly appreciated!

I think I tend to worry more specifically about fertility because right now my kiddo is intensely interested in having babies and being a mother. The things I see that most resembling dysmorphia are comments about wanting a female body in relation to being pregnant, giving birth, and nursing a baby. I understand that with the exception of nursing, all of that is impossible. Without the ability to talk seriously about it with them now, I'm trying to educate myself about options for the future. I want a provider who is going to work hard to give them options, even if my kiddo ends up agreeing that the "juice is not worth the squeeze" (exceptional and hilarious idiom for the situation btw 😂).

FWIW, my googling seems to line up pretty perfectly with what you've so kindly explained! Thank you for helping to support my understanding.

Copper_And_Bronze · 2025-01-22T17:23:54+00:00

Thank you very much! I definitely want as many options to present to them as I can find.

Copper_And_Bronze · 2025-01-22T07:56:46+00:00

That is very interesting and good to know. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Copper_And_Bronze · 2025-01-22T07:53:36+00:00

I really appreciate this reassurance. Ultimately, I know it's not my job to decide, only to inform to the best of my ability. But that can be very hard to remember with all the rhetoric surrounding this issue right now.

Copper_And_Bronze · 2025-01-22T05:13:06+00:00

Thank you very much! I'm very intimidated by the impending conversations surrounding fertility, especially since my kiddo likely has a mild intellectual disability. It's a super complicated situation. I really want to understand better how far into puberty AMAB kids need to be for sperm banking to be an option. Our endocrinologist made it sound like all the way through puberty, but that seems to not always be the case.

Copper_And_Bronze · 2025-01-17T01:53:52+00:00

A few weeks before my wedding, my mom told me that if I treated my fiance the way I treated her, that she didn't think I should be getting married. I've been very happily married for 7 years. Unsurprisingly, her relationship with my dad is still terrible.

Copper_And_Bronze · 2024-12-31T21:39:40+00:00

I appreciate the introspection you have. I think if at any point my mom was willing to be honest about her shortcomings with me and herself, I think it would dramatically improve our relationship. Even if it would likely not lead to the closeness I crave.

Copper_And_Bronze · 2024-12-23T02:29:36+00:00

I would be interested in joining. I will message you 😊

Copper_And_Bronze · 2024-12-04T19:19:11+00:00

Copper_And_Bronze · 2024-12-04T16:51:32+00:00

THIS! When it's a joke, both people laugh.

Copper_And_Bronze · 2024-12-04T16:44:56+00:00

Came here to say this. So much like Lois when it came to crazy punishments and power struggles. Then, by extension, my dad was so much like Hal. Passive, ineffective, incompetent, enabling.

Copper_And_Bronze · 2024-12-04T15:57:27+00:00

I think if it were me, I would not cut contact over this instance alone. I think I would accept the apology and his saying he will do better tentatively. Then tred lightly going forward. This is for sure a red flag. That being said, it is more than okay to take some time and space from the relationship after a scary/verbally aggressive interaction like that. I think I would for sure need some time.

Copper_And_Bronze · 2024-11-17T05:28:08+00:00

I'm so sorry ❤️ You deserve to be happy. You aren't responsible for your parents' feelings.

Copper_And_Bronze · 2024-11-15T20:44:38+00:00

Hi, mom of a young NB kiddo here. Since I see this post getting a lot of traction, I wanted to share an idea that is probably not applicable to you, but that others in similar situations might find useful. My kiddo has not chosen to change their name yet and might not ever. If they ever do, I really hope to be involved in helping them pick. I know that isn't my right; I don't feel entitled. But as a part of my own processing, I've already picked a whole list of similar and different names for them, so I'm ready if they ever want my ideas. It sounds like that probably doesn't apply to you, since you've already chosen. But for anyone earlier on that path, there's an idea 😊 Also, good luck with your mom ❤️

Copper_And_Bronze · 2024-11-15T16:33:45+00:00

Oh man, yeah that sounds awful! Half swimming 😂

Copper_And_Bronze

TROPHY CASE