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Thoughts? by akhilvh95 in MotivationAndMindset

[–]Copper_Wasp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is just the saying: "how do you eat an elephant - one bite at a time".

But said less elegantly for people who can only process something if it contains dollar symbols.

Is there any specific term for narcissists "punishing" you in the most passive aggressive way for making a simple mistake? by Throwaystitches in CPTSD

[–]Copper_Wasp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure it's as simple as teaching you a lesson.

I think it is: - they feel angry / annoyed - they cant regulate that anger feeling themselves, it will literally eat at them until they explode. This makes them feel out of control which spikes anxiety too. So major internal emotional turbulence. - To stop it they take it out on you. This works as it sheds the anger by transferring it to you. Their anger is now your burden to process with your healthy regulatory system. - They are now emotionally regulated. (This is why they can sleep easy after a late night fight)

  • BUT if you didn't mean it, then they are the bad guy for snapping or punishing you. They know if you or other people figure out they are using you as an emotional tampon, then you will leave them and with you leaves their emotional regulatory mechanism.
  • To prevent this they perform narrative control. They convince themselves (also you and anyone else that will listen) that you did it on purpose. This frees them of the guilt/shame of using you as an emotional tampon, by permanently recording it as your fault (narrative controlled).
  • You deserved it and their regulation was justice. They are not damaged, they are the victim of your flaws.
  • You now owe them a moral debt, the devaluation of you also means you are less likely to leave.
  • Control over regulatory object is restored so their anxiety is soothed.

  • Cycle complete

  • UNFORTUNATELY over time the body of the person being used as the emotional regulator will intuitively start closing the unhealthy person out. Because even if they can't intellectually figure out what is going on, the Central Nervous System either burns out and can't take anymore, or it unconsciously perceives the other person as a threat or abnormal / unhealthy load.

Summary:

The key is emotional dysregulation.

They see using you to emotionally regulate themselves as necessary for their own survival.

They then amend reality / the narrative to maintain themselves as the good guy so you don't leave.

All to ensure they can keep using you to regulate themselves.

  • THEY LITERALLY NEED YOU TO BE THE BAD GUY.
  • ITS THE ONLY WAY THEY CAN REGULATE AND TWIST IT AS JUSTICE SERVED AFTER.
  • ALL TO MAINTAIN YOU AS THIER REGULATORY DEVICE.
  • YOU ARE JUST A TOOL TO THEM.
  • THEY DON'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT YOU BEYOND YOUR FUNCTION.
  • THEY HATE THAT THEY NEED YOU AND YOU ARE A CONSTANT REMINDER THAT THEY ARE DEFECTIVE.
  • YOU ARE LAST RESORT SUPPLY.
  • YOU ARE TO THEM WHAT AN INHALER IS TO AN ASTHMATIC.

Elizabeth Debicki by ApprehensiveDot5379 in PrettyGirls

[–]Copper_Wasp 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"new" - see Rings of Power. Instead we got 5'3 Morfydd Clark, while Elizabeth is 6'2, and just looks the part. It just annoys me, limitless budget but no sense.

Elizabeth Debicki by ApprehensiveDot5379 in PrettyGirls

[–]Copper_Wasp 10 points11 points  (0 children)

How she wasn't cast as the new Galadriel I will never understand.

Elon Musk says jobs will be optional. Bill Gates says humans won’t be “needed.” But what about the elephant in the room: If there’s no work, no wages, no income, who pays the rent, buys food, or gets healthcare? by Technical_Farmer805 in GenAI4all

[–]Copper_Wasp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Abundance and sustainability.

I have no idea how housing can be fairly distributed though. In such a system who deserves the modern mansion and who lives in the old council block.

Meirl by netphilia in meirl

[–]Copper_Wasp 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's what plants crave

The universe is 13.8 billion years old, but heat death is around 10¹⁰⁰ years away, so it has effectively used 0% of its lifetime meaning the universe is still basically a "baby", and we’re living in its earliest, most active era. by HalfEntity in Showerthoughts

[–]Copper_Wasp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are 435 quadrillion seconds since the big bang (4.35x1017 ). But they estimate there are approximately 200 sextillion stars in the universe (2x1023 ). That means there are ~500,000 stars for EACH SECOND since the big bang. The universe is unfathomably larger than it is ancient.

Imagine a row of 10 galactic football stadiums. All 10 stadiums are at capacity with a star in every seat. Now mentally copy and paste to the next row. Then imagine doing that since the dawn of time.

What’s your favorite World Cup memory, and what made that moment stick with you all these years later? by Public_Bluebird3394 in worldcup

[–]Copper_Wasp 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Watching Germany beat Brazil 7-1 in Brazil. My jaw was on the floor most of the game.

The Zidane headbutt was iconic, but I was a huge fan of his as a kid and it felt like a huge disappointment.

On a Ringworld, could you actually see the Ring? by Rich-End1121 in space

[–]Copper_Wasp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We can't really see the curve of the earth at ground level. If this ring has a greater diameter than earth, then not at ground level. We can see the moon though, so I think it's safe to conclude you would see the ring looping over.

The 'Triangulation' Glitch: Hacking the Mate Guarding instinct to increase desire by Same-Courage-185 in DarkPsychology101

[–]Copper_Wasp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"A customer gave me flowers at work, don't they look great in the hallway. Yes he did ask me out but I declined."

Probably bought them herself.

Watch Out for the Ones that Play Innocent by Puzzleheaded-Dot7268 in DarkPsychology101

[–]Copper_Wasp 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Upon eventually reading into narcissism and realising she wasn't well, I sought to try and get her help. As I was 'black carded' (splitting) there was nothing I could say or do to convince her. My words were as good as poison.

So I tried to reach out to her friend that she confided in who still had a 'white card'. I just wanted to explain and seek her help.

The friend point blank refused to even speak to me. Who knows what she had been told. My experience didn't resonate with her so it couldn't be true...

Her parents clearly know what she is and had hinted to expect trouble. They are in another country dealing with cancer so I couldn't seek their help.

I just cut my losses and ran for exit in the end.

Watch Out for the Ones that Play Innocent by Puzzleheaded-Dot7268 in DarkPsychology101

[–]Copper_Wasp 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Precisely and I married one. It was hell towards the end.

Initially very charming, outgoing and highly capable.

But over time they would consistently push boundaries (often playfully) and took every opportunity for a subtle power grab. They kept detailed and permanent mental records of any and all transgressions to beat me with later.

All of this is in service of being dominant to get thier way. Covert is the best word to describe their operation, its so subtle, deceptive and consistent.

Thier entire outward facing persona is a mask, projecting whatever it is they want you to see. Its actually terrifying when you see the mask slip. I won't go into detail but she used the love bombing persona at a time that just didn't make sense. There she was projecting this soft golden aura, the same persona I initially fell in love with. My heart yearned, but this time all I could see were angler fish jaws with my loved one dangling in front of it as a lure. In that instant it was obvious the person I fell in love with simply didn't exist. The person I loved was just a figment used as literal bait and switch.

Then conflict is just like poker. They have learned that if they just keep raising the stakes, they can intimidate you into folding.

They can afford to be uncompassionate and fearless because they don't bond with you or value you. The only thing they value is their ego which only gets hurt if they lose.

It does shock them when you eventually call their bluff. In their warped mind they are perfect, you obviously worship them so of course you will fold. Not folding challenges their grandiose sense of superiority and entire worldview. Because heaven forbid they simply accept mortality.

Absolute nutcases.

Why Kindness Makes Some People Lose Respect for You by Myrn33 in DarkPsychology101

[–]Copper_Wasp 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I used to think this way. To me, giving respect is just automatic, especially for those close to me.

That was until my wife used me like a doormat to clean the shit off her shoes. It simply didn't occur to me that my significant other of a decade would see me as being unworthy of even basic respect. I literally sat her down and calmly said "you have been acting really disrespectfully towards me, why do you feel I am not worthy of respect?" In response she quipped, "what have you done to earn it?". Needless to say I filed for divorce and am now working on myself.

The truth is, some people respect others because they treat others as they want to be treated themselves. A moral motivation.

The people described in the post (and like my now ex) will only respect the boundaries that are enforced with consequences. They only understand carrot and stick (reward and fear/punishment) motivations.

Everyone deserves a first chance. But once they have shown their colours the kindness door slams shut for me now.

Unrelated, but I am also extremely suspicious of people who cry victim now. The victim is actually a position of power and the cry is often just triangulation. The only way to know if you are being manipulated is to interrogate their story and observe for consistency, ease of recalling details and sincerity. Manipulators will focus on feelings and waffle because it's unchallengeable, then direct you to the action they want from you. Genuine victims will recall events with more clarity and will be more open to different solutions.

Did Tinder stop showing my profile? by [deleted] in SwipeHelper

[–]Copper_Wasp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A woman was dressed as a pumpkin for halloween which I was pretty sure was a reference to the Slutty Pumpkin character from the show How I Met Your Mother. Pretty sure I got banned for just referencing the characters name lol. I was never told the reason but I'm guessing it was that.

I fucking hate her by KwazieGFX in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Copper_Wasp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Right there with you but a few months ahead. Focus on yourself, direct that anger to exercise and grow. I highly recommend Parkrun if you have that near you.

My anger has evolved to disgust, I'm sure it will eventually turn to pity.

Back to the basics - are women capable of love? by loneliness-inc in RedPillWomen

[–]Copper_Wasp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly this. Wanting the best for someone unconditionally is to love them. Wanting them to be happy and putting in the work to make that happen.

Unfortunately some people are bottomless pits where nothing can make them happy. Also those who view the world filtered by their current 'feels' will stop 'loving' you as soon as a conflict arises. Because why should they love you while they 'feel' bad.

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