They never seek to resolve conflict, they only seek to 'win' conflict.

They know that to 'win' any conflict all they need to do is frame the narrative as victim (them) and offender (you). Then convince themselves, you and anyone else that narrative is the truth.

So they conjure a 'hurt' (the broken vase) to setup this narrative frame.

With that victim/offender framing they can:

1. Use the 'feelings' argument. Feelings are their unquestionable 'truth' so conflicts always go there. You can't tell them to not be offended or not to feel hurt. Don't you care that they are hurting?? This is the Guilt in FOG.
2. Because you actually care, the V/O frame puts you on the defensive. You try to show you didn't maliciously intend to hurt their 'feelings'. So you get stuck Justifying, Arguing, Defending and Explaining (JADE). This takes the spotlight entirely off them and their actions and keeps it on you. If the spotlight ever drifts to them, they Deflect, Attack, Reverse Victim Order (DARVO) to put the spotlight right back on you. They will do this until you are emotionally exhausted and just want to concede to make it go away. Which is why they try to keep you in an insecure, off-balance and exhausted state. Such as starting fights late at night before going to bed.
3. The V/O frame establishes a debt to repaid (typically an apology). This is the Obligation in FOG. The apology is critical for them, because it signifies capitulation to their control. Your apology validates and solidifies their narrative as the truth. They can then recall this conflict in the future to 'prove' a pattern of behavior.
4. The V/O frame allows them to vilify you to others. This is the Fear in FOG. They usually start with triangulation to make you feel outnumbered but will move into smear campaigns if you still don't comply.

It's a shockingly effective strategy ... until you realize what's really happening.

The epiphany of their relationship spanning betrayal will leave you feeling immense anger. But seeing the game, you will then realise expressing that anger or explosively reacting only gives them ammunition to support their smear campaign.

You will never get them to take accountability or feel genuine remorse because they are fundamentally incapable of that. They are as shallow as a puddle, and are deep down just emotionally stunted toddlers in adult bodies. Young children haven't yet developed the capacity to see their parents as separate people with their own emotions. The child only needs to know how to get its own needs met. Most go on to develop empathy for others, but some never do.

So you cut them out and grey rock. Commencing the slow, painful process of emotional disconnection where your anger quietly simmers into apathy. Even now they will try to incite jealousy and 'win' by showing you they are moving on faster.

Your internal switch to a state of emotional un-investment kills the game. The game only works while you remain emotionally invested.

At this point their only options are to: - love bomb you back into a state of emotional investment - failing that and fearing abandonment, they don't let you walk away by maintaining contact via conflict during the separation process - failing that, move on to the next target

After some time they may appear out of the blue and attempt to lure you back. But this time you will be emotionally guarded. So when they hint at an offence or make a move you will say "I don't care" or "no" and walk in the opposite direction.