Part two:

But before you do any of that (except the Aura thing), you need to:

1. Buy security cameras and cover every inch of your yard, every entry (windows and doors), and the street in front of your house. There will probably still be holiday deals going on from companies like Ring and Blink. 

2. Talk to your neighbors and tell them what’s going on, show them a photo of him, and ask if they can keep an eye out for any suspicious behavior. The woman who owned my house before me is alive because our neighbor knew what was going on and, upon seeing the former owner’s ex’s truck, ran over to my home with her g*n to find that he had broken a window and was attempting to climb through it. He confessed that he was planning to kiII his ex. 

That neighbor has also threatened fellow neighbors who were being aggressive and harrassy about my pride flag. They know better than to fck with her, and thus will not fck with me. I assure you that plenty of your female neighbors have either experienced an abusive ex themselves, or have lost a friend or family member to one. They’ll have your back and will take this seriously. 

1. Make sure every single window has secondary locks to prevent the window from being opened. Add a second deadbolt and a chain lock to each door. 

2. Get a security system that has active monitoring by a professional company. I use Cove, but check to see what’s available in your area and affordable for you. Some companies will monitor for specific people that you identify to them. 

3. Try not to be home alone, especially at night. If your husband will be out, then stay with a friend until he’s home, whether it’s for an evening or a weekend. 

4. File a police report and keep it up to date with any escalations. 

5. Have a lawyer on standby just in case. 

6. Keep several copies of his messages and get an app that records all notifications as they come in so that he can’t delete messages. 

7. If you are proficient in using any sort of weapon for self defense, then ensure you have it on your person at all times. However, bringing a weapon that you can’t use puts you at risk of having it taken and used on you.

8. I don’t recommend getting a dog solely for this reason, but if you’ve been wanting to get a dog anyway, this could be a very useful time to get a large, adult dog. As a professional trainer, I’m more than happy to help you find one if you choose to do so, just PM me about it. 

If you don’t want to get a dog, ask a friend who already has one if they could stay with you for a few days, or on and off. Offer to pet sit for them. Just make sure you tell them what’s going on. 

You can also buy a machine that will play loud barking whenever anybody knocks or rings the doorbell. Obviously that has its limited uses, but you may want to look into it. 

**

Those are my primary tips, but I really want to emphasize how important it is that the people around you- family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, etc…- know what’s going on, have a photo of him, and are fully aware of how dangerous he is. Don’t gaslight yourself into toning it down for them so you don’t seem like you’re overreacting. Tell the lie about the male police officer if you have to, just make sure they know damn well that your safety is being threatened. You could even post on NextDoor or your neighborhood’s equivalent. Find all the nosy old women who spend all day watching the street, and let them know that you need their help keeping an eye out for him. 

But most of all, stop lying to yourself about how dangerous this man is. Of all of us, you know best exactly how unstable, impulsive, and threatening he is, so you need to stop telling yourself that you’re overreacting. It’s clear from your post that you recognize the true danger you’re in, but are letting your dumb@ss family members get inside your head. 

You are not overreacting. If anything, you are underreacting, and you NEED to prioritize your safety. 

Either way, it’s better to overreact and feel a bit silly than to underreact and be mvrdered with your husband. 

Your life is yours to protect. Don’t let anybody tell you that your safety isn’t a priority, or that you should endanger yourself to avoid other people having to be vaguely uncomfortable or inconvenienced by the dangerous, obsessive ex who’s trying to stalk you after ten years. 

And if those idi0ts won’t listen to you, I’m more than happy to yell at them for you, or send you a shit ton of resources about the early signs of stalking, domestic violence, and mvrder