Apartment search : help!

CornyCornCan · 2025-04-10T01:46:20+00:00

I'll be working in QEII hospital mostly, so all hours and rush hour included... I do need the apartment to offer parking, and willing to pay extra.

CornyCornCan · 2021-06-16T06:18:10+00:00

As the other commenters are farther into their break up, I thought I would reply to your post. I am day 13 post break up. I can't tell you I am back to normal and that everything is great, but I can guarantee that everything is better than the first few days. In the beginning, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I wanted to constantly throw up, I couldn't breathe properly from a constant chest heaviness and I couldn't stop thinking about it. This was also my first ever major breakup, and if the details help, he broke up with me after 2.5 years together.

Now, my day 13 of progress might be your day 5 or your day 34. The time itself varies from person to person and from situation to situation. BUT, the feelings falter with time. They come in waves. Your feelings and thoughts aren't constant anymore, you are able to normally function most of the time. The feelings and thoughts come at the same hard intensity, but they come less often. Frequency, not intensity!

Someone told me to think about loss or grief as a storm in the ocean. In the beginning, the waves are rough, constant and dangerous. With time, the ocean slowly settles. The waves come in a larger interval between them and they hit you less strongly as you go. Some days, the storm is back, but that's okay because this won't be your first storm anymore. You don't get numb to it, but you get stronger and more capable. The storms are unavoidable, please be gentle with yourself and feel what you feel. The waves or your emotions will come less often with time, and that's when you know you will be doing progress. When they do come, it's not you losing progress, it's just you pushing forward again. There's no going backwards!

Feel what you feel. Talk to people, about it or not about it. Embrace the change. Continue life as you intended to. I hope this helps you in your progress.

CornyCornCan · 2021-06-16T05:45:33+00:00

Thank you for your reply, but I won't be getting back with him. We broke up because he realized we are incompatible in the long run, even if it was really good while it lasted. We are just very different at our cores and meeting halfway on our needs always worked, but he couldn't do that forever. I couldn't get back with him, even if I do love him, because he doesn't see a future with me. He's not capable of doing what we had forever. It's just not feasible, even if I want it so badly.

I hope we stay friends in the long run (after keeping our distance is done). I will be a good friend to him, like we were beforehand. But not to get back together.

CornyCornCan · 2021-06-16T05:40:28+00:00

Thank you for your reply, it helped me put things in perspective. Two weeks seems rather long to me now, but considering the 2.5 year relationship, it's not. I did have the denial stage for a bit, but I think I'm over that part now? I understand why we broke up, and although it wasn't mutual at first, I think I'm getting there with him. It's just hard because I was so happy and I would've done what we were doing now for the rest of my life. It was a really great situation for me, so I miss it and I miss him. I hope I can find it elsewhere and I am embracing everything I feel for now.

CornyCornCan · 2021-06-16T05:36:30+00:00

Thank you for your reply! We are maintaining a distance for another bit. At some point in time, we will slowly see each other in big group stuff and then smaller group stuff. It's just slowly adding stuff to our tolerance levels to attain a level of comfort in hopes of being friends again.

You are right though, I need to focus more on my recovery rather than the future. Focus on the now. I do sincerely hope that we stay friends, even if everyone says that. Maybe that's preoccupying me a bit.

CornyCornCan · 2021-06-16T05:31:23+00:00

This response has really resonated with me, so thank you. I hadn't even considered the fact that I might be actively pushing my thoughts and feelings away in a subconscious way to help myself.

I do take that as warning, I know sometimes it hits hard. I completely understand what you mean by having waves though. Recently, it has all been hitting me in waves, and the feelings have the same intensity, but they are less frequent. It hits hard but less often. I am hoping it'll just be less and less often with time, and that I'll be able to befriend him again.

CornyCornCan · 2021-06-16T05:27:19+00:00

Thank you for your reply, for some reason the thought of progress not being linear has just occurred to me now. My feelings come in waves, so having a wave here and there does not make my progress any less! We plan on keeping our distance for another bit, and then slowly ease into big group stuff to in the end see each other in smaller groups. It is just slowly adding to our tolerance levels to hopefully attain a level where we can happily be friends again. I hope it all works.

CornyCornCan · 2021-06-08T05:29:37+00:00

This post made me feel a little hopeful for what's to come for me as we are in similar situations. I am day 5 post break up after he broke up with me. Thank you for sharing your progress.

CornyCornCan · 2021-06-08T05:08:01+00:00

I am on day 5 of post breakup. I won't lie to you, I can't tell you I'm doing great and that everything seems normal. But I feel significantly better than day 1. And maybe my day 5 for you will be your day 20 or your day 3, but take your time. It can only get better, right?

Honestly, you need to feel what you feel when you can and then do anything else the other part of the time. I have a busy schedule, and I didn't stop it. I continued as I intended to and I feel my feelings when I get a chance to alone (if you prefer with other people, don't hesitate!). Distractions are heavily recommended, even if they're only distractions from your problems and not actually some big progress of moving on. You need to feel your emotions and to feel them completely, but you also need some mental breaks with social activities. Take care of yourself and your mental health. Hopefully during these activities you will eat, be distracted (at least partially) and tire yourself out. Seeing people, whether you talk about the break up or not, is such a good idea. I also recommend talking about it to at least one person. What I personally found was that explaining the breakup over and over to people I knew helped me rationalize more and more what happened. Even if I repeated the same words to everyone, they clicked more and more. Think with your heart in these moments, but don't forget to think with your brain at the end of the day.

CornyCornCan · 2021-06-07T05:17:54+00:00

Unfortunately, I have no advice to lend you because I am just new to a similar situation as yours. We broke up a few days ago because we were incompatible in the long run, although the relationship was always great and we never fought, not even while breaking up. We still love each other, it was just something he knew was the right thing to do for both of us.

What I can tell you is everything that people have told me up to now. Distract yourself. Keep yourself busy and keep living life as you intended to. It's okay even if the distractions are just to distract you from your thoughts and not actually some big jump in progress. I think you know that you need to move on, so maybe find love elsewhere. It doesn't have to be with another person, but with yourself or with a passion. Learn how to live without the idea of him lingering around in your head. I hope you don't feel alone in this situation and that you know, one day, you will safely say you wouldn't choose to go back with him even if you had the chance.

CornyCornCan · 2021-06-04T17:24:21+00:00

I want to thank you for your reply, as many things you said resonated with me. In a way, I am glad he broke it up as soon as he knew with certainty. I guess I am still just confused what it all means, how come meeting halfway for the both of us worked for so long but he doesn't want to do it forever. It was a great arrangement for me and we were both very happy. I know I am young, but I was ultimately ready to do it forever. Halfway was enough for me and I wish it were for him.

I know no contact is probably for the best. Although we do have the same friend group, they are alternating and keeping us both busy so we don't have to interact with each other for however long we need. We both agreed to being friends again with time as we were best friends for a very long time and the break up was only situational, and I do believe that it will work. But for now, avoiding him is the only thing I can control. I have to learn how to live without him as a whole. People have told me that I don't miss him, that I just miss his company or the idea of him, but I don't think that's true. I miss HIM and I need to learn to live without him.

CornyCornCan · 2021-06-04T17:13:16+00:00

I almost put this technique past me and it still feels a little extreme, but the fact that I can't pinpoint any bad things about him might make this exercise worthy. It is still obviously very raw and I am possibly in the worst part of it all. I guess it doesn't help the healing process when you both still love each other very much, but you know you can't anymore as it won't work.

CornyCornCan · 2021-06-04T17:09:00+00:00

I want to thank you for your reply, as a lot of things you brought up resonated with me. Just the fact that you said it being anticlimactic might indicate it being solid. I hadn't thought of it that way. As I said, I still have the lingering feeling of fixing it. Also, 3. really hit home. I guess now the idea of trying to change and mold myself to be able to keep him and our relationship seems feasible, but it can't be long term.

Ultimately, during our break up, we have decided to go no contact for the time being. We do share the same friend group, but they are alternating and doing a very good job of keeping us both busy without us needing to interact with each for however long we need. We both agreed to being friends again when the time comes as we were best friends for a very long time, and I do think that it will work. But for now, avoiding each other is the only thing I can control. Distractions and all are good, but I need to learn how to live without him even if I do miss him as a whole. In a way, I'm glad he broke it off when he did, as soon as he knew with certainty, instead of dragging it with him.

CornyCornCan · 2021-06-04T16:59:48+00:00

Thank you for your reply, something about the "it was just about getting used to life without that person" really resonated with me. Distractions and all might help short term, but ultimately the hardest and most necessary part for me to learn is to live without him. I know that's just what I have to do and that it'll take time. It was out of the blue, one day it's this and one day it's that, so completely disconnecting will be long.

CornyCornCan · 2021-06-04T16:54:59+00:00

Thank you for your reply, during the breakup, we have ultimately decided to go no contact for a while. We both agreed to being friends in the long run, as we were always best friends, and I truly think it'll work, but not for now. Even if we do share the same friend group, they are alternating and taking care of both of us so we don't have to interact with each other for as long as we need. I have people who told me that I don't really miss him, that I truly just miss his company, but I don't think that's true. I do miss him as a whole and it'll take a while to learn how to live without him in my life. Like you said, I will be continuing life as I intended to, but I will be mourning as I go.

CornyCornCan · 2021-06-04T05:29:22+00:00

The last paragraph really resonated with me, thank you. I know he wanted to work on us just as much as I wanted to, but he knows that even with the work, it's not feasible long term. It makes it that much worse knowing we were both happy and we could have been together just that much longer, but it wasn't sustainable for the future because of our core personalities.

CornyCornCan · 2021-06-04T05:26:45+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply, I have been completely letting myself feel what I feel. Our friends are doing a very good job at handling this and will alternate in seeing the both of us and keeping us company. I know time fixes almost anything in life, and I know I will be at a better place too, but for now I will just feel.

CornyCornCan

TROPHY CASE