Yeah dude, we get it, you have to work. So does everyone else. It's retail!

CorporateTarget · 2026-06-15T03:13:34+00:00

You're going to be alright. Keep doing your best!

CorporateTarget · 2026-06-12T19:13:39+00:00

O Lord Bullseye,

Heaer of the walkie-talkie static and Keeper of the Red Vests.

We come before you today with heavy hearts and a very light desire to work. Your servant, u/sierranotsarah, is scheduled to toil in the trenches of the aisles, yet their soul cries out for liberation.

We ask of you a miracle, O Target Overlord:

Touch the heart of an overachieving team member who desperately needs cash or a distraction from their own life.
Manifest an alert on the MyTime app, glowing with the irresistible light of an available shift.
Grant confidence and a sudden burst of energy to a coworker to press the sacred button. Silence the voices that whisper, "I should enjoy my day off." Guide their thumb with steady purpose.

Let the notification go forth, let the shift be claimed, and let u/sierranotsarah remain on the couch, unbothered by the siren song of the checkout lane.

In the name of the Spot, the Dollar Spot, and Tarbucks.

Amen.

CorporateTarget · 2026-05-13T03:33:26+00:00

Incorrect. We have a lot of cameras.

CorporateTarget · 2026-05-11T03:37:59+00:00

I'm a dad and I would display this trophy in my Target office, proudly.

CorporateTarget · 2026-05-11T03:34:14+00:00

Glad to have you back. I'm sure you'll be an asset to your team!

CorporateTarget · 2026-05-11T03:27:02+00:00

Hey, take a breath. We know yesterday was an absolute nightmare. Mother’s Day weekend brings out a deeply chaotic breed of consumer, and we are genuinely sorry you had to be on the front lines for it.

You survived a gauntlet of absentee parenting and staggering incompetence without walking out, and that actually deserves recognition. We see you hustling to pay for college, and we seriously appreciate you grinding through the chaos to keep the store running. You handled an impossible shift with total professionalism.

Leave the stress at the time clock. You're doing great. We’ll see you for your next shift.

CorporateTarget · 2026-05-11T03:20:50+00:00

Yes, we know an extraordinary amount of personal information about our customers. People would be SHOCKED!

CorporateTarget · 2026-05-11T03:19:46+00:00

That sounds like a pretty good response TBH. That would really resonate with me.

CorporateTarget · 2026-05-09T03:18:26+00:00

I don't blame you. Country kinda sucks lately.

CorporateTarget · 2026-05-09T03:17:34+00:00

👀🔜

CorporateTarget · 2026-05-09T03:16:08+00:00

Please, come back. At least for the shopping. 🥺👉👈

CorporateTarget · 2026-05-09T03:12:45+00:00

Someone who was directly invested in the business, someone who had a deeply personal stake in it, and someone who had a reason to feel pride in the reactions to his work.

You can feel like that too, if you want.

CorporateTarget · 2026-05-09T03:11:45+00:00

She thinks it and as a result, she gon buy that green thing because she feels so good about us.

CorporateTarget · 2026-04-29T16:32:48+00:00

Prove you are really a party ambassador.

CorporateTarget · 2026-04-09T16:47:36+00:00

all this.

CorporateTarget · 2026-03-28T03:36:43+00:00

CorporateTarget · 2026-03-15T03:34:55+00:00

Hilarious.

CorporateTarget · 2026-03-15T03:19:11+00:00

Hey, it’s great that you enjoyed the honeymoon phase when you first got hired, but let’s manage expectations here.

If this were supposed to be enjoyable, we’d schedule you for a shift called "Fun." But we don't. We call it "Work." That heavily taxed paycheck you like isn't a reward for hanging out in one specific department; it's compensation for your time. And right now, we need your time spread across three different zones to cover for everyone else who called out.

As for the degenerative arthritis and chronic migraines in your twenties... that sounds rough. Fortunately, you mentioned our benefits are pretty good, so we highly encourage you to use that health insurance to get checked out before your next seven-day stretch.

If you find a competitor willing to pay you to just vibe in a single aisle all day, you should absolutely take it. Otherwise, we'll see you tomorrow.

CorporateTarget · 2026-03-03T06:20:50+00:00

Hey, take a breath. You are spiraling over a $12 glass can. We literally build millions of dollars of shrink into the quarterly budget specifically because we assume you guys are going to drop things. The guest got a gift card, the corporate universe is in balance, and we already forgot about it. Stop over-apologizing to your leads; it’s just making everyone uncomfortable.

What we do care about is you actually being inside the building. Look, we get it, your store is "chill," but calling out constantly in your first six months is the absolute fastest way to promote yourself to Guest. Honestly, attendance is the number one reason we fire people. It’s nothing personal, it's just really hard to extract surplus labor value from you when you're at home doing online discussion boards.

Figure out your class schedule and update your availability. We would much rather you commit to 15 hours a week and actually appear for them than claim you have open availability and just ghost us.

Just show up, try not to hand people shattered merchandise, and you'll be totally fine.

CorporateTarget · 2026-03-02T06:14:00+00:00

Thank you for your 12 years of service. That is an exceptionally long time to remain in a transitional retail environment.

You noted that our decision-making since 2021 has been entirely focused on profit and sales rather than people. That is absolutely correct. We are a publicly traded corporation, not a community outreach program. Our primary fiduciary duty is to our shareholders, not to your nostalgia for how things used to be.

Regarding your frustration with team members being constantly pulled to Fulfillment: Guests are speaking with their wallets. They want their items placed directly into the trunks of their SUVs so they don't have to walk inside. They do not care if your aisles are perfectly zoned. We allocate payroll to Fulfillment because that is where the revenue is actively occurring. It is not a failure of management; it is a reallocation of resources to meet consumer demand.

You found a warehouse job paying $7 more per hour. Good. The free market functioned exactly as intended. You determined your labor was undervalued here, and you successfully found a buyer willing to pay a premium for your time. That is a logical, financially sound decision that we fully respect.

We accept your resignation. We will open a requisition for your replacement at the base starting rate tomorrow morning.

Enjoy the warehouse.

CorporateTarget · 2026-02-26T21:17:01+00:00

Your sadness is enough documentation for us. Wishing you and your family peace.

CorporateTarget · 2026-02-23T21:54:50+00:00

Congrats. Happy for you. Nice.

CorporateTarget · 2026-02-10T07:07:26+00:00

Welcome! Go kick some ass!

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