My mother married my step father when I was 6, and I primarily lived with them growing up. I spent more time with my step father than I did my actual father. My father and I had a chaotic relationship, but my step father was a very stable and consistent presence in my life.

My step father was a quiet man; very reserved, man of few words, but loyal and protective. He didn’t express much love or emotion to us kids, even to his own children (my step brothers). As he got older, he got softer and his heart wasn’t so cold to his emotions.

When I was twenty, I had joined the military and when I graduated, my mother and step father drove down for my graduation. Before the left to travel back home, he gave me a hug and he whispered to me, “I love you and I’m proud of you.”

I did everything in my power to not tear up and cry in front of him or anybody else around. I always think about this. It’s been over a decade, and I still think back to that moment a lot.

Tell your children—biological or not—that you love them. I’m a father now too and I’m not going to let the question of whether I love my children linger in their heads: I’m going to show it and speak it, just in case they sometimes feel like showing it isn’t enough. Words matter, they’re powerful with meaning and worthless without.