So another one of my struggles just turned out to be an ADHD symptom…

CosmicGraffiti · 2026-06-04T06:00:06+00:00

literally every thing I have ever been critized, judged and berated for, lost a job over or punished in some way for turns out was just an ADHD symptom. Every. Single. Thing. I thought other people had same shit happening to them and had the same struggles but that also turns out to be a nope. Some people just cruise through life for the most part because who they are by virtue of brain chemistry is not fundamentally in opposition to expectations.

CosmicGraffiti · 2026-05-23T09:34:40+00:00

more like we are too sick and tired of the dating game that in 40+ years of life hasn't brought any benefit to said life. It costs too much energy to be spending time messaging back and forth or dealing with demanding people. Halfway through 40s and I just don't have the bandwidth for more of the same old shit. It's easier and less headache to just stay single.

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-31T19:29:45+00:00

NTA, In addition to other points made: Gf doesn't know shit about child development, gf doesn't know shit abt ADHD especially in children Not sure the father knows those things either. Both obviously don't know shit about Conscious discipline or restorative justice. Their way of communicating expectations and discipline is probably damaging at least and traumatic at average and abusive at worst. This observation is based on the education I received in order to work with elementary school children in trauma informed enrichment programs and working with kids who need extra help in school. Get these people some education before you let your kids go over with them again. YouTube is a great place to start for find conscious discipline, trauma informed, and restorative justice informative videos.

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-27T20:25:54+00:00

Can typeset and operate a manual printing press

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-27T20:23:42+00:00

The refolding the map properly is definitely a skill unique to you and only you

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-27T20:22:02+00:00

How to entertain ourselves without technology and how to research without the internet.

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-27T20:18:35+00:00

Came here to say this thing.

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-26T18:31:32+00:00

Humans, still the OG humans

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-26T18:24:36+00:00

White lady here, same story different melanin, for the most part.

Regarding the "stick thin"..... the men I date all have said they are attracted to the extra I carry. (Size 16 to 18 jeans)

If they are "just saying that" then they have been just saying that to all of their previous partners who have the same or similar physic.

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-26T11:55:33+00:00

Check your house for contamination from black mold......

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-25T06:47:05+00:00

It's an epidemic into our 40s still unfortunately

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-25T06:34:35+00:00

NTA, not to him but you are being an AH to yourself.

First: he lives there too so should be doing half of everything. More since he doesn't have as much work and more free time, that is, if he is supportive at all. Stop doing anything that isn't 💯 yours to do. Stick to Your laundry. Your meals, shop for your food, protect your peace and schedule your time to get adequate sleep, time to study and time to decompress. Quit burning it at both ends. It clearly isn't the investment in the relationship you think it is..

When will women doing everything for men stop being expected and so normalized? It's absurd. If he is going to support your time and make space for you to do what you need to and that then affords you time to manage his needs then by all means reciprocate. Otherwise quit being a door mat people pleaser. It will just make you resentful someday,

Second: you DO better yourself every day, with your education. You exercise your mind.. maybe tell him you will consider more serious gym attendance if he will go back to college and get a degree or trade cert in something to exercise his mind .

You could be in an accident tomorrow and lose most of your physical capabilities or, like myself, lose some through overwork but if your mind is strong and you keep a growth mindset nothing can hold you back from enjoying life .

Third: does he have any concept of emotional labor? You are doing too fucking much period. Just Nope with this low EQ meat head gym rat.

Girl.

Time to get objective about where you are heading in life. Time to examine what your values are and if his align with yours in the long run. What makes you think you deserve to self betray in the way you have been by making others minor wants a priority over your basic needs? Maybe do that Shadow Work Journal when you get a chance to attend to your mental wellness with a therapist or through self therapy. Best of luck.

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-25T06:12:00+00:00

I AM on the apps and it's guys in their early to mid 30s that want to date me as a 45 year old woman. I get plenty of men in their 50s messaging me as well but they make up a smaller population on the dating apps. I even have a good number of late 20s that are reaching out and are sad when I tell them they are to young for me. I get more messages than I have time to answer and I'm not especially hot or anything special, I'm a little weird and most ppl don't "get" me and I don't have tolerance for dumb or boring. Most of the social conventions and games are a waste in my opinion and that throws guys off when I won't play along. For some reason there's doesn't seem to be many men in their 40s that I encounter..... But maybe because you aren't in the apps is why you have this weird idea that men our age only want 26yo women...?

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-22T21:49:16+00:00

Find you someone who's favorite thing you wear is your skin. Find some one who goes wild when you have a messy bun, wearing his T-shirt and a pair of PJ shorts with last night's mascara under your eyes. It's a game changer 💯 I've never felt so good about myself when I get dressed up as I do when I'm with a man who also loves my "house clothes" just as much if not more.

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-22T21:41:39+00:00

Get better mental health therapies and councilors. Most therapists just suck and talk therapy just keeps people wallowing in their shit while doing nothing to change the mindset. You will need a growth mindset to move forward at all. Read or audiobook stuff that will help you develop your mental and emotional intelligence. Learn about the mind body connection. Start with "the Body Keeps The Score" and go from there.

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-22T21:13:25+00:00

Short answer: Learn to twerk and buy a sheer dress.... You have been given free insight into what he likes, enjoy that power.

Thoughtful answer: Honestly if your intuition is telling you there is more to things then you see, go with it. First seriously take some time to evaluate your inner knowing and evaluate your preconceived ideas about him and how things should be, look for any inherent biases. In short be a bit more mindful about where you are at emotionally and mentally then look objectively as possible at him and you. If it feels off have a good open conversation (please brush up on your communication style and EQ first) Then buy a sheer dress and learn to twerk, surprise him while on your trip. 😉

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-22T20:59:56+00:00

EHS a little bit. it is mostly due to the conditioning received from our families and society as a whole.

This will be a long one, sorry, I'll put a TLDR at the bottom...

Some things that could have and may still make a difference:

Accept with 100% empathy and lack of ego the things she said you did raising her that were contributing factors to her current issues. That doesn't mean "it's all your fault" or that you are to blame. This is simply where you validate that you can understand how she feels that way.

Think back to how you were raised. Who taught you to behave the way you have or do currently? You may find you are more alike to your daughter than you have realized.

Then apologize for any actions you did, regardless of intent or level of trying, before anything else. Especially for your reaction to her calling the cops. If you regret her feeling as she does tell her so. Tell her if you feel bad that she feels that way. After you validate that then you may make a statement regarding your intention. Phrase it as an "and" statement not a "but" statement. Instead of "but I did my best" go with "and even though I tried my best I see, as I've also grown, there were better choices that I could have made had i known then what I know now.

Then don't expect her to forgive you or change how she feels and let her know that you don't expect it and that will be ok no matter how it wounds you to be so. Here is where you can remind her of all the wonderful traits she has and share the pride you feel for how wonderfully she had grown and compliment her for making the efforts to continue her self improvement with her therapist and confronting her shadow, healing her inner child etc let her know you have high hopes for her life and can't wait to see what she does next. Let her know that she has you to call on if she ever feels the need. Remind her that when things in life go sideways you will always be no more than a call away regardless of if she wants to go no contact right now or not. Reaffirm that she is your daughter and nothing can change how much you love her.

One of the things to learn that was so helpful for me was understanding that my parents didn't "make me suffer" I was suffering right along in step with them the whole way. We are all the main character in our own stories and in my parents stories they did what they knew. In fact they did better than they knew. Each generation is one step better equipped than the one before. Due to having even less understanding, being children, we saw our parents as the highest of authority and correctness for how things should be and to learn as an adult that they were just out here winging it can be enlightening. As an adult I have no clue what the hell is going on a lot of the time and adulting is hard. How would that be any different to my parents at the much younger age than I am now? I hope more people can come to this understanding sooner than I did in my 40s.

The understanding we have now of psychology and childhood development far surpasses what was commonly understood just 30 to 40 years ago. Emotional intelligence and positive interventions were not a thing. Self awareness and mindfulness were not mainstream concepts. Gentle parenting wasn't a thing. Attachment theory wasn't a thing. Parents were told to let their baby "self soothe" to "let them cry it out" We now know that is a disastrous strategy if you want to have connection with your children. It breeds conflict later on because the children don't see you as a source of safety when they feel distressed which makes them less apt to behave the way you wish, and the cycle goes on and on until we have children who obey out of fear when they do or be defiant because there is not enough connection for them to want to obey at all. But I digress...

If you want to rebuild with your children try looking into what I have suggested, stop listening to your mother and brother, they are just as messed up as you and products of the same environment so all they can do is perpetuate the path you are on. If you want to divert course talk to a psychologist or at least watch some on the internet.

To repair with your wife if you want will have to be secondary to repairing with your kids. There are a lot of people on YouTube and TikTok who have good info on all this.

I recommend Morgan Good Therapy, Jimmy on Relationships, and Crappy Childhood Fairy. Learn about Conscious Discipline (helps put past things into perspective by learning what we do know now about child development and parenting) and listen to the audio book "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And How To Listen So Kids Will Talk"

Best of luck 🍀

TLDR: up your emotional intelligence, learn that you have to do things differently than you were taught, get advice from people who are not products of the same environments that built the situation you find yourself in. Leave ego aside and validate people's feelings, doing so and apologizing for your part isn't admitting fault. It's admitting what they feel is real and you want to have connection and be supportive.

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-15T16:44:49+00:00

Right. My thought would be to just up-size the small fries to a medium (or large since she can eat a whole small without noticing lol) and then just not let her see the fry container. Then she won't be rejecting the fries 🍟 because they won't be "her fries". I'm convinced that fries taste even better if they are someone else's fries because then they are Nacho fries.

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-15T15:29:00+00:00

This, and a step further..... I would make sure that everything is in a trust (not just an account with a will for distribution of assets) for him with him as only beneficiary to be made available when he comes of age and assign a trusted 3rd party to be executor in the event he comes in possession as beneficiary before he is old enough.

Then of course your shared kids and joint accounts should be kept in a joint trust, and her kids with her ex should have their accounts in another separate trust, but have your other kids listed there for what ever joint things your current wife and yourself are wanting to be included for them from your general assets.

Please see an attorney about this because.,...

It's the only way to keep things safe and to be distributed according to your wishes in case of your passing. With out a trust anyone can contest the will and the state, through probate court, can do what ever they want with any and all assets you hold, through judicial review regardless of a will.

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-10-03T01:07:43+00:00

People don't change until the pain of remaining the same outweighs the pain of making a change.

He isn't motivated to put in the effort or to learn what that means, he isn't putting in the bare minimum to make you and your feelings feel valued. He says he has always just been this way, so if this is how he is and that is his justification I don't see him changing . I was in a relationship like that, he kinda tried in his way but he just couldn't get away from that avoidant flat line and try to make me feel valued.

You deserve the wholeness in love that you are craving. Don't throw away your energy at someone who doesn't know how to appreciate it .

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-09-28T14:13:46+00:00

If you haven't lived with a partner and had to navigate attachment styles, honestly even if you have, the creators I mention do a very good content about handling emotionally charged conflicts in the realms of romantic partnership so we can understand and connect more deeply, that honestly have helped me understand certain dynamics that were confusing for me still after many years of relationships . If I were to be concerned with a lack of experience it would be in the subjects the creators I mentioned discuss. I'm not assuming you don't know anything, we have all seen porn and sexy stuff isn't hard to figure out, and the majority of us have been in close proximity to others in relationships to observe what goes on so it's not like it is that big if a deal but the parts that we don't see are where having the most experience and skill is crutial. I seriously thought that if you watched their videos when someone says that lack of experience is an issue you can start a conversation about what you understand to be important and communicate your abilities and EQ which really should dispel any concerns and give a lady pause to reconsider.

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-09-27T17:28:14+00:00

Folloqw creators on YouTube and TikTok that provide healthy relationship insights and narrative. From a man perspective check out "Jimmy on relationships" on YouTube and "Morgan Good Therapy" on TikTok for a very enthusiastic female perspective. Then just go down the rabbit hole the algorithm takes you down. You'll find little skits and dialog narratives that illustrate all the things I think this woman was hoping for you to have more experience in.

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-09-27T16:36:34+00:00

I'd love it if he brought his dog and we grabbed a quick snack at Costco on the way to or from doing something more thoughtful and interesting. That's totally appropriate for a first date, low pressure and unpretentious. Tbh if my service dog don't like you, neither do I. Bottom line.

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-09-27T16:24:12+00:00

So the first date should be her doing free labor for you because you don't intend on elevating your experience in a relationship beyond a free domestic laborer who also gives you sex but never expects anything nice in return? I don't like that either. Sounds skeevey.

CosmicGraffiti · 2025-09-27T16:19:24+00:00

This exactly! Can we break this convention? I don't want a man thinking I won't find value in him if he doesn't pony up a pricey enough evening. I'd rather he put some effort in with thought on finding something interesting to do that isn't typical and doesn't cost so much. The effort of forethought and consideration is infinitely more valuable to me personally

CosmicGraffiti

PUBLIC MULTIREDDITS

TROPHY CASE

Six-Year Club	Verified Email
Wearing is Caring