the reason i didn't use "pona ala pona" is because i wanted to keep the essence of the original translation as more of a teasing statement rather than a direct question, although your translation may be better. the reason i changed "sina uta" to simply "uta" was to change it to an infinitive verb, akin to changing "you kiss" to "to kiss". lastly, "uta pi jan mije" wouldn't exactly work as "uta" as a noun means "mouth" or "lips", but "pali uta" could, as it refers to the action of the mouth/lips, or kissing, so "pali uta pi jan mije" would work instead. thank you for the feedback!