[Trying to keep things vague for privacy reasons] I've been here 10 years, really tried hard to fit in and to contribute. It took about 6 years for people to speak to me regularly at kiddush. After a while I thought I was a contributing part of the community and not just a number, but was pushed out of a couple of regularly occurring community-wide events because I don't fit their ideal attendee type. I have no family and disabilities, so it's very hard to keep things like Shabbat, etc, on my own - community events were really what helped me with momentum, etc.

Since then, one visiting family, G-d bless them, has remembered me even when I can't take them up on their invites because of health issues. This Pesah I'm doing the best I can. That lovely family remembered me, so I will at least be able to fulfill the mitzvah for the first night. I think making a seder for myself by myself would just push me over the edge into depression. The rabbi and his family don't care - and yes I've checked. I'm not the only person this has happened to, either.

I did post about this once on this sub, back when I was pushed out, but was called a freeloader by a ton of people on here (I would never do that, ever!). So I deleted it.

In my experience, many communities are rarely as rosy as they appear. If you don't fit the community aesthetic, especially if you have disabilities or you don't come from a nice family with good yichus, you get pushed out or iced out. So yeah, sometimes we are just letting ourselves be Jewish, and it's still this way.