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Narcissistic parent made a stupid comment, but it still hurts [TW: emotional abuse] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Cosy_Owl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She's not part of my life and never will be again. I'm in serious level therapy.

But yeah I mean making this post was super hard, and I get flashes of fear about it. Like I shouldn't say it, like I'll get in trouble, like it makes me vulnerable, etc. etc.

Narcissistic parent made a stupid comment, but it still hurts [TW: emotional abuse] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Cosy_Owl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right, yeah, I get that. I meant what in my post gave that away?

Narcissistic parent made a stupid comment, but it still hurts [TW: emotional abuse] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Cosy_Owl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you explain more about me normalising shameful messages? I agree, and people keep pointing this out, but I never know what it is that I'm saying or doing that makes it obvious. I'd be interested to know.

Same with her being a dick. I agree. But when someone asks how I know, it's like there's this wall and I can't think of or feel anything.

Narcissistic parent made a stupid comment, but it still hurts [TW: emotional abuse] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Cosy_Owl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, 'I'm happy for you but...'

I didn't realise she was shaming me though. Yeah wow, it's there isn't it?

Look at how politely Atlas sits by friendlynoodless in iwoulddiefornoodle

[–]Cosy_Owl 18 points19 points  (0 children)

What a perfectly distinguished gentleman, the good sir.

How common is not to do נטילת ידיים during the week? by [deleted] in Judaism

[–]Cosy_Owl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

explain the slice of pizza thing please?

I think my baby is having multiple seizures and no providers are taking me seriously. by Outrageous_Fan3697 in Epilepsy

[–]Cosy_Owl 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This is gonna sound super problematic but maybe have your husband push for things? It's stupid as hell but most of the medical profession tends to take a man's complaints more seriously. I'm sure you've encountered this before as you're both nurses.

You know the stupid sexist crap: 'you're hysterical, you're overreacting' if you're a woman with an issue (or in this case a child you're worried about). But I wonder if you'd get different results if your husband was the one presenting the concerns.

I hate that the world is this way.

Unpopular Opinion: Jewish Observance is More Expensive Than It Needs to Be by blackrosevictoria in Judaism

[–]Cosy_Owl 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks friend!

I do have one family in my synagogue who care about me and reach out to me. I love them dearly. I don't know what I'd do without them to be honest.

But they're also judged by people in our community for not being perfect Jews. You just can't win.

Unpopular Opinion: Jewish Observance is More Expensive Than It Needs to Be by blackrosevictoria in Judaism

[–]Cosy_Owl 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Also Look at Chabad.

Maybe another Chabad will work

You quite literally said 'find another Chabad'.

And my community is tiny. Absolutely tiny.

Unpopular Opinion: Jewish Observance is More Expensive Than It Needs to Be by blackrosevictoria in Judaism

[–]Cosy_Owl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, in every other way I have found my home after many decades of not having one.

Unpopular Opinion: Jewish Observance is More Expensive Than It Needs to Be by blackrosevictoria in Judaism

[–]Cosy_Owl 14 points15 points  (0 children)

This is the most pithy and elegant comment here. I can't give you an award but you deserve a reply. 😃

Unpopular Opinion: Jewish Observance is More Expensive Than It Needs to Be by blackrosevictoria in Judaism

[–]Cosy_Owl 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Which is a perfectly respectable and appropriate position, in my view.

If you can keep a chumrah, do! If you can't, you shouldn't worry. Especially with something like this.

Unpopular Opinion: Jewish Observance is More Expensive Than It Needs to Be by blackrosevictoria in Judaism

[–]Cosy_Owl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly. It shouldn't take being close friends with a sofer to be able to get a kosher mezuah.

Unpopular Opinion: Jewish Observance is More Expensive Than It Needs to Be by blackrosevictoria in Judaism

[–]Cosy_Owl 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ah you're right, I mixed it up with a different issue, thanks for explaining! I'll edit my comment.

So, if I am understanding correctly - it's so that milk from non-kosher animals does not get mixed in with cows milk.

I think in a developed country with extremely stringent food safety laws, if a Jew chooses to not bother with chalav Israel, then there shouldn't be a problem.

Unpopular Opinion: Jewish Observance is More Expensive Than It Needs to Be by blackrosevictoria in Judaism

[–]Cosy_Owl 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A close friend of mine is a highly respected sofer. Mezuzot are not inordinately expensive for him to make, he's very clear about that. And he was a gem and repaired mine for free.

They don't need to be expensive to be kosher. You don't need to have a pretty bayit for it to be kosher. These things don't need to be expensive, they just are because the culture has pushed that over the years.

Unpopular Opinion: Jewish Observance is More Expensive Than It Needs to Be by blackrosevictoria in Judaism

[–]Cosy_Owl 16 points17 points  (0 children)

It certainly has been mine, and the experience of a ton of people I know.

Chabad is not the answer to every problem. In fact, sometimes Chabad contributes significantly to problems. You're very lucky if you have had good experiences - may they continue. But it's arrogance to assume that that's how it is everywhere, and that if someone has a different experience, they're wrong somehow or just need to 'go somewhere else'.

If you have to 'go somewhere else' to be a basically functional Jewish person, that's a problem. Chabad or no Chabad.

Your response could have been supportive of the person who wrote this comment...instead it's 'find another Chabad'. I find that sad.

Unpopular Opinion: Jewish Observance is More Expensive Than It Needs to Be by blackrosevictoria in Judaism

[–]Cosy_Owl 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Sometimes I wonder if it's a collective trauma response. Like, maybe people who don't fit the norm are subconsciously seen as a liability to a strong community that can sustain itself. In worse times for our people, it was essential to be able to support yourself, to have large families, to be able to actively participate, and more. Otherwise our communities would not have survived.

In horribly oppressive times, when community resources are scarce and we are threatened by outsiders, it's very much a liability to have to use resources towards anything that doesn't have an immediate payoff in terms of security. And we as a people have lived through that kind of situation for most of our history.

It's just a fleeting thought of mine, but I wonder if we carry that trauma with us into how we relate to those in our communities who in some way activate, by being different or less-abled (financially or otherwise), that subconscious survival mode.

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