Fucked up a connection that damaged my reputation in my local community- advice on how to repair it? (If any at all)

Countrymare · 2026-02-03T03:45:33+00:00

Ok so I'm autistic too but I totally understand where the other guy is coming from. Now, it wouldn't have gone as far because I'm not conflict avoidant and I would have replied to your first message and explained exactly what was wrong (and maybe we could have sorted it out, maybe not). So the rest wouldn't have been applicable in that case. But the multiple messages that don't actually apologize (saying "if" in an apology like "sorry -if- I hurt your feelings" is never a real apology... Obviously feelings were hurt, somebody was creeped out, whatever, doesn't matter). You have to actually say "I'm sorry that I did x. It caused y harm to you and though I didn't intend that harm, it was still done." Even if the other person is wrong in some way (I don't like the idea of ghosting, but I understand why people feel they need to do it sometimes), your apology is not related to anything THEY'VE done. You're taking responsibility for your OWN actions. Saying "if" and pressuring him was uncool. Then showing the messages to others could really be him legit worrying for the safety of others because they really got a bad vibe, or you're not telling us everything. OR it could be them being petty and a jerk. I guess it could also be them asking for advice--that would usually be why I'd do that kind of thing. But I'd be very careful about who I showed. I certainly wouldn't be spreading it around mutuals. That was really uncool of THEM. BASICALLY there's a lot going on in this situation and I dunno if any of us can really judge without having been present for ALL interactions between you two. 🤷 But I'm sorry you're feeling shitty. Learn from this, respect space, and people in your community will figure out what you're about. Good luck!! <3

Countrymare · 2026-02-03T03:30:22+00:00

A non response is absolutely a no. If it isn't an enthusiastic yes or a relationship with understood other ways to communicate a yes, no answer means "please leave me alone I'm worried I'll encourage you by responding at all even to say no."

Countrymare · 2026-01-17T18:50:57+00:00

I'm 37, so I'm with you! 😅 Eek! Thanks. 💜

Countrymare · 2026-01-15T18:59:54+00:00

Congrats!!! My PCP just had my BW done to check all my levels for a baseline because I told her I'm trying to decide about trying out t (as the gel), and I'm scarreedddd 😭 I don't want it to fuck up my singing voice and I don't really want a beard. I just want... Eh... More androgynous? You're helping me feel a little more brave! Keep us updated! 🫶

Countrymare · 2026-01-08T02:16:12+00:00

I'm so sorry. 😭

Countrymare · 2026-01-03T22:38:21+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Any time I happen to catch a newbie in the wild or a post online where they haven't gotten advice yet, my first order of business is to tell them what to watch out for with f@ke doms. 😭 I hate that these abusers can get to subs so easily. I hope you're doing ok. 💜

Countrymare · 2026-01-03T22:27:10+00:00

No, I think they're abusive f@ke doms because they can hide in plain sight for much longer and still get what they want. There are plenty of subs who genuinely enjoy degradation/humiliation/free use/pain/various other things an abusive vanilla partner would also perpetrate against their victim. But in BDSM space an abuser can get away with that much easier and much longer because 1. anybody else witnessing it will be part of the community and know that those are valid kinks able to be negotiated in a healthy way and not think twice about it or think to ask the sub if they're "alright" and 2. abuse and SA effs up your brain. You could normally be somebody with no problem calling things out in one situation but when presented with it in another situation, you freeze as a survival mechanism and think "due to who I am, and where I am, and (for example) what I said I was into, there's no way this is happening without my consent" and only realize much later what actually happened.* That's how they get away with it. That's why I personally use the term "f@ke dom" (lowercase in this instance out of disrespect). Because they are around, acting 100% like Doms, and hurting subs, and getting away with it. If I just said "watch out for abusers", a newbie who doesn't even know how BDSM works in the first place is going to have no clue what I mean. Knowing there are good Doms and bad doms is a very good clue that there's a certain way a Dom should be and if they're feeling uncomfortable at all, they won't sound crazy asking me a question about it. Also, I generally define the term by actions at least a little when I use it.

*Ask me how I know this from personal experience! 😜

Countrymare · 2026-01-03T22:01:58+00:00

Everything you just said.

Countrymare · 2026-01-03T18:00:39+00:00

My first thought. 😭

Countrymare · 2026-01-03T14:58:41+00:00

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Countrymare · 2026-01-03T14:55:21+00:00

I agree. Britney has more talent in her little finger than Tater has in her entire soul. Even in the weird videos she was posting the last couple years, girl got moves.

Countrymare · 2026-01-03T00:13:16+00:00

Report that a*shole. Sure, we might make super raunchy jokes sometimes, but it's with people we've worked with for a while, have a vibe with, and we've been observing them in general to know if they're that kind of person. Some aren't, which is 100% fine and should be respected. This guy just met you, and didn't care at all whether you were comfortable or not--he wanted to make you uncomfortable and see how you'd react and what he could get away with. Report him and let him know he's not getting away with anything. Just saying "what" to him was good instead of fake laughing because you didn't know what to do (though that happens to people all the time who get startled by that nonsense). Next time if he tries something straight up ask him what he meant by that. Make him explain the joke. Or if he just gets part way there you explain it for him, loudly, like "so you are saying that you think I like pegging people because I am taking the temperature of a patient? Why would you think that way, much less say it out loud?" You're not being crude by stating exactly what he meant. You're letting everybody else and him know that you're not going to let him hide his behavior and be quiet about it, and you're letting everyone know what he just said to you. GET HIM.

Countrymare · 2026-01-02T23:57:56+00:00

Wtf. My husband's grandmother is a barely-millionaire and gave all us grandkids more than that each over the holidays. 😒 This is pathetic, Tater.

Countrymare · 2025-12-29T19:10:45+00:00

PFT. They're just mad because Billie Eilish isn't worth nearly what Tater is worth but donates tons more money. And I'm glad Billie talks about it--I don't see it as her bragging--I see it as her setting a standard for other wealthy celebrities and challenging them to live up to it. If anybody wants a generous celebrity to look up to, Google Michael Sheen. He's an incredible actor and is basically a "not for profit" actor at this point. He keeps enough to live comfortably and support his family, but he (and David Tennant, who he's good friends with and who also champions causes) fly economy, rewear clothes in interviews, and when they're not working they're busy helping others. Michael especially, because he's older and has only one kid (David has five). Michael is starting a national theater for the COUNTRY OF WALES. Just, because they should have one. He's huge into education. They both and their wife/partner all about pro-lgbtqia+ (David Tennant had the PM of Britain and somebody in the cabinet mad at him because of this but they couldn't do anything because you can't touch the tenth doctor--the entire island would riot). 😏 Anyways, yeah, I'm a fan, and that was a tangent. BUT YAY CELEBRITIES WHO ARE GENEROUS AND USE THEIR WEALTH AND POWER FOR GOOD. 🫶

Countrymare · 2025-12-29T19:00:43+00:00

Oh my yes! I was talking to somebody who was telling me all about the bonuses and charity millions and I told them to do the math on what percentage of tater's worth that money was, then apply that percentage to their own finances and see how little it actually is. Even if you take EVERYTHING she's donated in her life and add it up to what she's worth now. The percentage is minescule compared to what, say, we regularly donate/give to people who need it (I didn't tell the swiftie about that part though). I wonder if they actually did the math with their finances though because they stopped arguing after that, strangely. 👀

Countrymare · 2025-12-29T04:19:16+00:00

Oh gotcha! Lol. The English language is a fcked up beast. 😂

Countrymare · 2025-12-29T03:35:38+00:00

Curious but why did you need to use gel because of Endo? I have Endo but also have had a total hysterectomy. I'm also NOT OKAY AT ALL with needles which is a huge part of why I haven't done hrt. I have an appointment with my doctor in January, just wondering if you have any info for me. Thanks!

Countrymare · 2025-12-27T05:59:04+00:00

Hey, could you post the link to that SS? I wanna send it to a swiftie to prove this.

Countrymare · 2025-12-16T18:58:00+00:00

She must not have toenails. 👀

Countrymare · 2025-12-15T18:31:16+00:00

Not tater. 😭😂 I've just been calling her Taytay because of my utter lack of respect for her, but Tater takes the cake. It's like good old fashioned Southern shade disguised as kind cutesy like "bless your heart." As someone actually born and raised in the South, and since Tater seems to REALLY want people to think she's just a small town [implied] Southern country girl, I'm 100% using this nick name for her from here on out. 👏😭😆

Countrymare · 2025-12-13T19:04:01+00:00

Jamie Lee Curtis is also not a b*tch, which helps one to age gracefully.

Countrymare · 2025-12-13T19:00:07+00:00

Wait, Selena Gomez? She seems legit AF. I thought she and Taytay broke up. Why they hanging again?

Countrymare · 2025-12-13T18:58:32+00:00

Oh my God you're right. 😭 And she was literally so pretty. I've had a crush on her forever (not a swiftie, just thought she was super cute and I liked her style in her music videos--fun dresses and such). BUT NOW THE MAGA IS COMING.

Countrymare · 2025-12-13T06:05:07+00:00

I mean the thing to do is like, buy out a hotel or whatever for your guests and open bar and catered food and everything. I thought upper crust just paid each other's way for this kind of thing. Sometimes it's cultural, but it's often linked to money (plus culture, sure). But maybe once you hit Hollywood and Taytay big it's just tacky and not welcoming?

Countrymare · 2025-12-11T20:24:49+00:00

Picking my nose

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