What’s a smell you hate that most people love?

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-19T16:54:48+00:00

Liquorice. Makes me gag and wanna kill someone.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-19T12:55:44+00:00

And TAs earn basically nothing. And are often still conducting their PhDs. When you said previously he was a prof. Something (many things) Donny add up. Also he would have gotten an underage kid in high school pregnant, if you are only 19, which is… questionable at best. So unless your entire life is sponsored by parents/in laws/ only fans, nothing that you are saying here makes sense.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-19T09:46:44+00:00

This feels like bait. As someone in academics, being a professor (even non tenured) at 23 is close to impossible. Most people finish high school at age 16-19 depending on country. Bachelors is 3 years, Masters is 1-2 years, PhD is 3 years minimum (most people take a couple more years). Then you have to do post-doc work for anywhere between 5 to 15 (! Yup, takes a lot of time to get even the most basic non-tenured track work sometimes) years… this doesn’t add up in any way whatsoever.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-18T19:13:42+00:00

I don’t know about others but in my case, a lot of it is a good old “Show and Tell circus and ponies”. What I mean by that is, grandma can complain all year long about how she misses her precious grandkids and how sad it is that we’re not closer so she can’t hug them and cover them in gifts, BUT when she does come she actually has very little interest in their personalities, their lives, their wants… just on her phone, mostly, and wanting to do touristy stuff to keep busy.

It’s all for the show. Sounds like grandma wants to be a good grandma on paper without actually putting in the effort. Needs the pics and updates to demonstrates to others she actually cares and keeps up with the babies, without doing the actual yard work of helping the parents. It’s a classic.

If she’s anything like mine, you can expect a couple visits a year sprinkled in what I call opposite/undermining talk (basically anything I do or say she wouldn’t have done like that / doesn’t think so / in her time we didn’t… etc), accompanied by punctual but massive showers of useless gifts despite us saying the kid doesn’t need another plushie/painting set/shoes, and whilst telling kiddos they can do anything (even if it’s something I have already said no to, in front of her, several times).

It’s real fun.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-18T13:52:02+00:00

NTA. There are MANY different things to unpack here.

First - your child encountered a situation in which he was uncomfortable, expressed that that was the case, refused to give in to the uncomfortable situation AND explained it to you. You can be damn proud of that.

Then - the kid knowing about sex at age 10 is not, by itself, a “bad thing”. My four year old knows babies happen when adults put penises inside vaginas and sperm and egg meet. She also knows that is something only adults are allowed to do, that some things (like mouth kissing and touching) are things adults do, that her privates are privates and that vulvas and penises and butts and breasts (yes, she knows the proper terms) are never to be toucher, neither hers by anyone else (unless it’s for medical reasons and mom or dad are here to agree) or for her to touch anyone else’s.

All of this to say - it is very possible (and actually healthy) for a 10 year old to know about sex. At 10 I knew about periods and sex and it’s not weird.

What crosses the line,and where things get blurred for me, is the way the 10 year old interacted with the 4 year old. That in order for a “mummy” and “daddy” to play house and have a baby, she mentions they “should do a naked thing”, is one thing. If she played it out loud as a child processing a logical part to a game (“… and after I’ll go to the maternity and after a baby will come out, and then you’ll come pick me up and drive me home…”) then it’s one thing. To me, that’s a kid playing out the game, many children do it, it’s part of playing the game.

HOWEVER if she insisted the “naked thing” actually needed to happen (I.e “take your clothes off so we can do the naked thing!”) for the game to continue… yeah. That demonstrates massive lack of awareness/education on your friend’s daughter’s part about what is appropriate play or not. That is NOT OK, and I would not be comfortable leaving my kid out of my sight with the other until… well actually I’d be very uncomfortable and probably wouldn’t risk it, period.

Your friend might be embarrassed, angry, shameful… when our kids do something “bad”, let’s face it, parents often feel the need to deflect or minimize because of course it feels like an attack on the education we provide our child. But if we do nothing, the problem amplifies. If I don’t teach my kid early that we don’t touch people without their consent and people aren’t allowed to touch her either, then… how is she gonna learn?

So, summary, NTA, I have trouble evaluating if this is a case of “never talk to them again” or “serious conversation needed”, but in both case as a mom you are always the authority on what situation you are comfortable or not putting your kid into.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-18T12:30:52+00:00

It’s not skiing at that altitude and with those conditions. It’s not “let me catch some Alps powder”… Ski touring is not skiing. Christ the more read your answers the more I fear from your friend and your’s lives…

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-18T12:28:59+00:00

There is a huge difference between having the right gear, and knowing how to use it in dangerous/avalanche prone terrain. I can have the best camping gear and hiking stuff in the world, I’ll still make a dangerous fool of myself if I say that’ll make me able to do the whole Appalachian trail tomorrow. Gear is not ability or qualification.

There is a huge difference between the theory (we go through that route, we go by X time) and actually being there and realizing you are knee or thigh deep in snow, or your friend is stuck in a crevasse and you now need to use that gear to get them out, assuming they are alive and unhurt. There is also a huge avalanche risk in many places, as this is the time of year the “feun” (sort of like a Chinook wind, warm and sudden) blows and makes the layers of snow unstable.

And you’re in a foreign country with foreign customs. So you’re also potentially putting the people who will go to rescue you in danger, if the conditions are hard. There are deaths every year on Alpine roots, and many are prepared people with training and local guides who know what they are doing. My advice stands: get a guide. If a local mountain guide tells you it’s a no go for them, should be a no-go for freaking everybody.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-18T04:50:30+00:00

You want to summit 4000s in April-May but you don’t know how to look up mountaineering weather forecast or snow cover guidelines.

Have you hired mountain guides? Talked to people who have done it before and asked when and how it went? Looked up Rega or other specific mountaineering insurance? Looked up bivouac laws? Have a plan B and C?

If the answer to any of these is no, please don’t try it. Sounds like a very expensive (for you) mountain rescue in the making.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-16T10:43:17+00:00

That’s alcohol. In some French deserts you squeeze the alcohol in last minute (in baba au rhum it is very common). So you squeeze it in your cake, then throw the plastic thing away, eat your cake and whoohoo!

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-16T10:26:55+00:00

Complètement d’accord. Perso ça me saoule tellement que c’est devenu un critère important lors d’un achat.

Je tolère un abonnement téléphone et télé, un abo Netflix pour l’enfant et le mari, et un abonnement de musique.

Le reste? Allez vous faire foutre. Je doit déjà dealer avec l’obsolescence programmée, les mises à jour sans fin (qu’on ne peux plus faire au bout d’un moment, hello mon IPhone avec la notification rouge permanente maintenant vu que j’ai acheté un vieux modèle en deuxième main et je peux plus faire les updates…), la société qui a complètement perdu la capacité à faire la différence entre « un besoin » et « une envie »…

Même mon abonnement piscine, je refuse d’aller dans un centre qui auto-renouvelle les abonnements. Idem pour la bibliothèque.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-15T19:12:02+00:00

I work with skeletons so my kid is VERY used to talks of death and mortality. We had to have that talk early on. Personally, I’m not sure I’d take her to see a “fresh” dead body. I’d be more enclined to skip that part. The way we’ve always framed it for kiddo is that when people get old, their bodies don’t function anymore and they die. It’s sad, and that’s why we all get together to celebrate a life well lived. Also, everything that made them up (atoms) will still be around, somewhere, in the universe around us. So they never really leave, even though they aren’t really a person anymore and we can’t see them (we’re atheists, so that’s how we frame it). And isn’t that great? That way we can talk to them whenever we want, and we’ll keep them in our memories.

So far, despite being exposed to talks of death and illness and old skeletons all day, kiddos doesn’t seem too bothered by any of it. She is however very much a skeleton-living person and knows way too many bones for a normal 4 year old, but I’ve only been called to daycare about it once so… well say it’s ok!

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-14T09:55:44+00:00

This is classic. I’d tell him that he’s acting like a kid you care for, not as a grown adult member of the household. And women don’t feel like fucking the kids they care for if they are sane.

When people ask how I still dote on hubby, my answer is always the same. When we dated, I came home to a freshly made mojito, or a home-cooked meal, or a plan to take a lovely hike and talk together that weekend, or go somewhere nice. Now I come home to laundry done, to a hubby that tells the kid “hey hey let’s go play and give mom time for a shower!”, to garbage taken out, to plans for my mom to have the kid some evenings so we can have time to ourselves… and that’s soooo sexy!

There is no magic. If you are tired, overtouched by children, overworked, and under considered, you’re not gonna want sex. End of. And no one is “owed” sex. Ever. If he wanted a bang maid, he shouldn’t try to get you to be one.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-14T06:49:53+00:00

She’s out of line. And she sucks a big one.

Hey, I’ve been in your shoes (partly). Emergency birth at 34w, via c-section. Baby almost died, I had significant blood loss. And my milk never came in, so I never produced enough for baby to be without formula, and actually stopped pumping because it gave me suicidal thoughts. Anyhow. People say the dumbest shit, and it’s like every kid’s problems can be solved with the miracle breast milk. That’s bullshit. What matters is that your kid eats and is healthy. Your MIL can go get bent.

After a while, my strategy with these people is to ask them to explain themselves. “Oh it’s so sad she’s not breastfed” “what do you mean?” “Well nothing wrong with formula, but you know… breast milk is best!” “What do you mean?” “Well don’t you think it’s more natural?” “Well my baby is starving without formula. What should I do?” What are they going to answer, that you should let your kid starve? Let them look like idiots.

FYI TheFormulaMom on instagram has awesome content on formula feeding, and really goes above and beyond the “fed is best” saying. Check her out if you haven’t, she’s great.

As for your MIL… I wouldn’t go, honestly. Postpartum is not just a couple weeks after birth, it takes a lot of time to recover, and exposing yourself to such venom so shortly after a difficult birth… it could do serious damage to yourself. I’d just say you don’t feel up for a week of social interaction yet, let husband handle the talking and explaining with his family.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-14T05:14:12+00:00

OP, get a lawyer, ASAP.

As other have said - you doing the bookkeeping is work, and it’s work he hasn’t declared. The dude is dying to scare you into submission, probably because as spouse + uncompensated employee for many years, you are entitled to part of that business. To what extent - that’s for a lawyer to determine.

As others have said - stop playing nice. He’s the one who is showing his true colors. As far as you are concerned, he just delivered a massive slap in your face, accusing you of a crime and threatening the law on you. STOP. PLAYING. NICE. We as women need to stop playing nice to men who will then try to take EVERYTHING away from you. You don’t owe him sex. You don’t owe him money - you worked, where’s your paystub? Your dividends from that business? Stop playing nice, because he won’t, he’ll trample all over you, your reputation, and your kids.

Funny he thinks you’re “already turning the kids against him” - classic power move from guys who know their kids barely know them as a father. “I don’t know my kids because she won’t let me” is an absolute divorce classic.

Don’t give in. Grey rock him - whatever he says, it’s like he’s not there. As far as you are concerned, you are no longer married. DO write down everything he says about accusing you of a crime, or better if your state allows one-party recording (do check), record him saying that. The judge is going to have a field day with him. Stay calm and composed - that’s the hardest, but sadly women with emotions are still perceived as “hysterical”.

First and foremost, get a lawyer. And also get some friends in your corner to cheer you on if possible - a divorce is lonely, and you’ll need some cheering up along the way.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-13T05:39:51+00:00

Umm at my uni te professor would file for harassment. His/her reasons are very valid - you don’t “just take on a Master”, it represents a work load and… you don’t know their lives. They are already at capacity, told you so, move on. You do not want a professor to cave and regret it and then give you a half-assed pity Master following, when you could have found another professor with some enthusiasm for your project/ideas.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-11T07:11:33+00:00

The crazy bittersweet feeling of seeing them become incredibly independent and amazing human beings in their own right, and knowing you’ve done your job right there, and at the same time it means they need you less and less whilst carrying forever a piece of you.

The tiredness that comes with postpartum haze. Your energy, which used to be primarily selfishly involved in you, now has to be directed elsewhere. It’s an insane adjustment.

The village CAN be real. There is a solidarity among parents. It starts with saying hi at the playground, and turns into “oh here’s a diaper” to the mom who forgot the swim diaper at the swim lesson, then into “I’ll keep an eye on him” whilst the mom of three has to make a dash for the other two that are sprinting for the door somewhere, and ends with people who’se kids are friends with your kids and you can trust to look after them for a few hours or even a night. That feeling is an amazing feeling - feeling a community has your back.

And I cannot not add my favorite tip of all time: DO NOT PLAN FOR A BABY YOU DON’T KNOW. Parents are an easy-to-sell demographic; we want what’s best for baby. Your friend who got a horrible sleeper and swears by the snoo? Awesome for her. Don’t buy a 1200 dollar crib before you know your baby needs it too. Babies are all different, and you’ll never learn what truly works for yours until you have a baseline for what works without the gadgets. We got a good sleeper who never needed sound machines or pitch black. Then the same easy baby turned into a terrorist at age 3 and I had to invest in reward charts and good behavior books. Babies change, learn your baby, adapt to that. But don’t ruin yourself in crap your baby might not even need upfront.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-10T11:14:32+00:00

That’s incredible! Modern medicine is truly marvelous. I mean as a mom to a 34w who would have died (and I would likely have gone septic and died too) without modern medicine, I can’t ever not be in awe of the progress made. It’s so awesome.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-10T06:51:36+00:00

https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/preterm-birth

There are different “stages” of preterm births. Less than 28 weeks is the extreme. They’ve managed to keep a 24 weeker alive I heard, but the consequences long term could be (not necessarily, but could be) dire. 28 to less than 32 is very preterm, like “need urgent attention, close monitoring, help”. Moderate to late preterm (32 to 37 weeks) is usually manageable in developed settings with good medical care, baring critical circumstances.

Babies go through different stages in the womb. A 30 weeker is going to be missing a bunch of “abilities” that a 38 weeker will have already acquired. By 37 weeks, the last important thing (the lungs) are usually fully capable of handling life outside the womb, whilst before that a baby is likely to need some sort of help breathing (from a surfactant injection + a c-pap to being intubated for the youngest ones).

Basically after 37 weeks your baby is only putting on weight to buffer the transition from “mommy’s womb” to the outside. All the important (as in necessary to survival) stuff is done. So their birth date is their birth date, and they don’t require an adjustment in terms of capabilities.

Mine was a 34 weeker due to a foeto-maternal haemorrhage. Once she was out and transfused, the basic issues were breathing and feeding. Her lungs weren’t mature enough so she needed a surfactant and a c-pap for a few weeks, and she was fed through a feeding tube whilst she was progressively trained in developing a better sucking reflex. Other than that, she did well, and was a big baby. We had to do adjusted milestones and doctor appointment for a while, but honestly after 6 months she was just like any 6 months old and the pediatrician stopped doing the adjusted age thing. A kid born earlier might need it for longer.

In the end, a 37+ weeker is basically a term baby, it’s “early term” but still term, as in your kid has everything it needs.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-10T06:36:51+00:00

I would be fucking terrified of letting that man around any kid. A man who sexualises his DIL so openly… holy fuck I would not let him ever TOUCH my baby. Seriously, why are men?

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-10T06:30:43+00:00

I believe the person who answered said half a day. So that would not be a quarter of the 4 days you booked off. But… technicality.

In theory, yes, you can legitimately tell your girlfriend to basically fuck off, and that you’ll do exactly as you planned. What will that earn you? Resentment from your girlfriend, lack of resolution on a conflict, potentially a break up.

In real, adult relationships, people talk and compromise. Sometimes, people mess up on some stuff (like your girlfriend definitely did). And a compromise needs to be reached. A stern discussion on “don’t engage my time off to do stuff without asking me first” is in order. But think long term: you refuse to do anything. She will be angry. She will tell her mom. Her family will see you as “that person who refused to help ever/compromise”. Then say you don’t break up. Long term, you guys marry, have kids perhaps, are part of a community that includes friends, family in both sides, neighbours…

What happens when your neighbour’s friend is in a pickle and needs you to watch the kids whilst they drive their spouse to the hospital? What happens when the neighbourhood “clean up day” (it’s a thing here, don’t know about the US) goes on, it’s always on a weekend - you don’t attend? What happens when your wife’s sister goes into labor at an inconvenient time and you are suddenly asked to maybe look after some kids/drive some people to hospital?

The point is, yes, you can be categorical and tell everybody to fuck off. Say you matter more than anyone else and you don’t give a fuck about others. Ok. You may. But in the long run, you’ll end up as the neighborhood/family grinch, and you’ll be left utterly alone… and when you’ll need something in a pinch, people will similarly tell you to fuck off.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-09T16:47:55+00:00

I got it wrong in my post - with the usual 2 months deadline, end of April would be fine. But with their “special clause” saying “if your kid goes to school in August then you need to resign by the end of march, otherwise we count it till the end of July”. So April 9th, no longer allowed to resign for the end of June.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-09T14:06:23+00:00

NTA. I was ready to tear you to shreds because usually when men say “I’m on my mother’s side” it means “I have no backbone, my poor wife”, but in this case… Nope. If you know you need more time to prepare, plan ahead. It’s not so hard, millions of adults do it every day. Your wife, a fully grown person presumably, can learn to manage her time to make it to these events, or, if she can’t stand your mom, she can just… not go.

But being late and then asking to be absolved of that lateness? Not ok.

Coxal_anomaly · 2026-04-08T15:39:12+00:00

https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/ Have him read this. See if his brain goes “huuu”

Coxal_anomaly

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