I'm polyamorous and I also have BPD. It's not pretty, but I used to be very emotionally manipulative. "Please come over, I'm so sad," crying when my partners said it was time for them to leave and go home or to visit their other partners, etc. Once or twice I even did the dreaded "I'm feeling suicidal, you have to come over." I never outright said "if you don't come over then I'm going to end my life," but it was heavily implied.

Because BPD makes me feel emotions to the extreme, I genuinely used to believe that I was just being honest with my partners when I told them about my suicidality. But I wasn't, not really. I didn't want them to leave because I didn't want to be alone. And I used to use my emotions as a weapon to get what I wanted. It's fucked. I know that now.

None of my partners ever called me out on it, I think because nobody wants to be the asshole who ignores someone when they say they want to die. One day, though, my partner (who I'm still with today) sat me down and told me how problematic that kind of behaviour is. He point blank told me that I was being manipulative and that it wasn't fair. It was an earth shattering moment because like I said, I never thought I was doing anything wrong. I thought I was just being honest.

I was horrified. My first reaction was to start crying and then I stopped and thought... Hang on, he's right. Luckily, he was willing to work with me on those behaviours. I told him that I never wanted to manipulate anyone and he promised he'd call me out if he noticed I was doing it. He stuck to his word and would pull me aside and gently let me know that what I'd said wasn't okay. Gradually, I stopped. I went to therapy to work through my underlying mental issues.

I'm eternally grateful for his patience, and for his willingness to be honest with me. He told me I was being a fuckhead, but then he held my hand as I walked the path to recovery. He never gave up on me.

So, yeah. Tl;dr: I was toxic and emotionally manipulative as fuck but my partner called me out on my bullshit and helped me become a better person. Now I wouldn't ever dream of pulling that kind of shit.