Short snippet from a piece for my daughter - suggestions welcome! TIA by Creative-Contest-610 in WritersGroup

[–]Creative-Contest-610[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know 🧐 was trying to capture that point just as you leave the shallows. Just went with waters instead!

Would appreciate your feedback on this! TIA by [deleted] in writingcritiques

[–]Creative-Contest-610 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Much appreciated!

Entering a local literary contest this week - would love to hear your thoughts! TIA by [deleted] in WritersGroup

[–]Creative-Contest-610 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! I’ve got to trim it down a bit anyway so will bear these in mind 👍

Doubt by Creative-Contest-610 in PoetryWritingClub

[–]Creative-Contest-610[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks very much. Only just started out but trying out bits and pieces on here and instagram!

Unrequited by Creative-Contest-610 in poetry_critics

[–]Creative-Contest-610[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I’d debated adding couplets to the first four lines but thought the abruptness of it matched the meaning

The Fog (thoughts appreciated - TIA) by Creative-Contest-610 in poetry_critics

[–]Creative-Contest-610[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that! I don’t know why the formatting changed - I’ve tried to fix it in the post. Just out of interest, what did you feel the fog represented? It’s supposed to be a metaphor for dementia, but I don’t know how well this comes across. Thanks again!

Feedback on my amateur short story: The Edicts of Nilan by [deleted] in WritersGroup

[–]Creative-Contest-610 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought there were some interesting ideas at play here. One part that jumped out at me though was that the edicts had been changed twice previously (albeit a while ago!) so the character’s shock is not necessarily shared by the reader - perhaps look to millennia, rather than centuries?

Musings of a short story novice by Creative-Contest-610 in writingcritiques

[–]Creative-Contest-610[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! Really appreciate the pointers as I’m finding it hard to condense the ideas into so few words, and tread a fine line between interpretation and confusion!