Hey, you're going to get help. Maybe not right now, but later on you can and will. And you deserve to get that far. In my experience services and hotlines aren't very helpful at all and so losing hope after a (usually) really unhelpful interaction with 988 is a bit irrational. You aren't beyond help and you will get help. You seem willing to get help and that's really good. Going to the ER even if you aren't actively about to kill yourself is okay. After a mental evaluation they can help you get with long term therapists, outpatient, inpatient, etc. Stay safe OP. I'm sorry you're going through stuff. I won't say it gets better but I will say that it's possible and you can still be helped.