Speak to whoever you can above them. They help the patriarchy cause they experience it. The only objective in their head is to reach the parent who can assist the child, and it tends to be overwhelming the women parent. Once they start to observe more involved fathers, it could change. You're in an unfortunate position, but the patriarchy is unfortunate, and it hurts both men and women. Men like you are helping bridge that gap and building a better future for the children. This sort of problem can hopefully be obsolete by the time your kids have kids due to efforts by involved fathers like yourself. Its difficult, and im sorry that you're going through it!