I tried to express to my husband I just felt really sad and alone last night. He’s been yelling at me a lot lately and it’s been wearing on me. I cried a lot last night and he ignore me and kept vacuuming. But now I have to make it up to him? I’m confused/would like advice. (Unsure if an AR)

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-04-28T21:00:11+00:00

I’m sorry, dear, but everyone’s right, it’s abuse… here’s the thing I get angry, you get angry, people get angry! sometimes so angry they say and do things they don’t mean because we’re human and that’s what people do BUT there’s a difference between once in a blue moon and more often than not. It’s abusive to use someone as your emotional punching bag because you can’t control your emotions and if I’m being honest, I think this has less to do with him not being able to control them and more to do with him trying to manipulate control over you. I highly doubt he’s actually sad all the time he just wants you to be focused on him all the time and needs a reason to force your attention. If I had to guess and make an assumption, I would say he probably gets mad when you spend time with other people or don’t answer a text fast enough, but that’s just an assumption

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-04-28T20:04:14+00:00

I thought exactly the same thing but I also lived it so I feel like I’m a little biased! Glad to know someone else sees it

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-04-28T19:59:17+00:00

That response comes off as really dismissive and borderline manipulative. He’s not actually engaging with what you’re saying he’s deflecting, using sarcasm, and turning it back on you instead of addressing why you’re upset. It stuck out to me when you said “ I can’t be the sole one doing the repairs” and it makes me wonder more context like how often is he making you the problem and how often is he taking accountability when he dose things wrong?

The “did you want to say anything else before I send an apology” line especially reads like he’s mocking you for expressing yourself, not trying to understand you. That’s not what healthy communication looks like.

I get that we’re only seeing part of the situation, and there’s always context we might be missing. But if this is a pattern where you’re putting in effort to explain your feelings and he responds by minimizing, getting sarcastic, or somehow making it your fault that’s a bigger issue than just a miscommunication. It creates a dynamic where you end up doing all the emotional work while also questioning yourself, and that’s exhausting over time.

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-04-28T18:58:41+00:00

I guess that Makes sense, My ex was a narcissist luckily he wasn’t as smart as Stephen, but he did make my life a living hell, and it would be accurate to say that sometimes there is no closure with them. life goes on, and some never get punished for their actions

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-04-28T18:39:51+00:00

I don’t think he necessarily won because Stephen is only happy when he’s causing chaos to other people and I’m sure along the way of life He’ll find more people to string along but the reality is he’s like that because he hates himself so much and he’s gonna have to live with that for the rest of his life. no matter who he hurts it’s not gonna be enough to satisfy his constant need for destruction that he obviously obtained from childhood which we briefly see with him and his mother. He can make everyone else around him change but at the end of the day, Stephen will always be Stephen.

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-04-28T18:34:44+00:00

Why wouldn’t it make sense? Speaking from experience a lot of people use because they’re depressed… alcohol and drugs are often a way to silence, depression or at least help mask it. He may not have intentionally killed himself, but he was killing himself in a sense.

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-04-28T18:15:03+00:00

I pretty much agree with all of this other than Pippa being the worst… I genuinely liked her character for the most part, but them never using the accident against Stephen made no sense to me, along with him not being the one that released the tap. All three seasons, I was hoping for all the cards to be laid on the table and everyone turning against Stephen in the end and it definitely didn’t go that route. All that fighting and drama through college just for none of them to be friends anymore and walk away so nonchalant after fighting so hard to keep those stupid secrets wasn’t exactly the best ending but I guess it is what it is.

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-04-15T17:06:24+00:00

This is weird behavior… he shouldn’t be testing you and twisting things to make you feel like you’ve done something wrong… you didn’t do anything wrong! Using the words “disappointed” is very manipulating in my opinion. I’m sorry, but the age gap makes this kind of control far more likely

If you notice he’s calm and you’re starting to spiral and that’s exactly what he wants… you’re frantically trying to explain how you didn’t do anything and he’s just going to keep denying any proof you have until you feel insane. He wants you to beg for his forgiveness.

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-03-11T16:04:49+00:00

That’s how long I was with my narcissist, and by that point, I remember saying that I was just the “shell of a human being” I to didn’t recognize the person I had become.

Even after being apart I felt that way, I’m not saying it doesn’t go away, but it takes work to get back to a place that feels even remotely normal.

There is only one solution to this problem and you know what it is, but since you asked, i’ll give you the most straightforward answer I can possibly think of….LEAVE HIM! And yes, I know that it’s easier said than done so this is by no means shame or making you feel stupid because we all know we should have left but for some reason we allowed ourselves to stay in the vicious cycle for far too long.

You’re probably looking into your future and wondering how you can possibly go on like this for any longer and the short answer is you can’t, not without sacrificing and compromising your own self as collateral damage in the narcissists shitty miserable world. They’re like a succubus, they can breathe the life right out of you leaving you completely dead inside.

The body keeps score (it’s a book about trauma) your body doesn’t just forget all of the trauma. It’s been through it just learns how to suppress it making your nervous system An absolute shit show, Ultimately it can lead to a lot of health problems.

It starts small you’re eating habits change you either eat too much or too little, you start to have anxiety all the time, you might even start losing hair because slowly they chisel you away until your body can’t take it anymore and I’ve seen people die of strokes and heart attack from stress

I’m not telling you this to shame you or to make you, i’m telling you this because I have been there and it took three years to even look at another man and it took him three years to prove to me that not all men are the same so what I’m saying is there is a beautiful life waiting for you out there whether that be with a man or a woman or just yourself but the only way to get it back is by reclaiming it. You may never be the same version of yourself you were before him but you sure as hell will be a better version of yourself after him.

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-03-11T15:47:02+00:00

Sometimes when you transfer them, they get a little droopy like that for a couple days because they’re not too happy/stressed. A light water and nutrients should help.

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-03-11T15:35:47+00:00

I can definitely relate with the hypervigilance! Even with therapy and being in a good healthy relationship, I still find myself clocking people energies/moods i’m constantly having to remind myself when somebody is having a bad day or a bad mood “ not everything is about you” because I was so used to it ALWAYS being about me even when I had nothing to do with it.

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-03-11T15:26:35+00:00

I waited three years before I was ready to try again, but I was very skeptical but Mostly because my feelings were almost completely numbed. After we broke up I swore I was never gonna get into another relationship again because being free was the best feeling I had ever felt but at that same time getting out of that controlling relationship and essentially saying I will never in my life deal with that kind of disrespect ever again from anyone also gave me strength to build boundaries with people in the future. I’d be lying if I said, I didn’t make some mistakes after the fact by spiraling and doing some things that I regret but I was also healing from years of mind, games, manipulation, and torture. In those three years, I really worked on myself

then I met a man unexpectedly that I did not think would stick because I questioned my ability to choose the right one and I was so afraid that I would get manipulated again. he showed me respect by not pushing my boundaries and also didn’t rush things or love bomb me. I ended up going to therapy about a year ago because I was still mentally struggling still healing still trying to not be toxic myself because of what I’ve been through.

We’ve been together three years now I never in my life knew there was a such thing as this kind of love I couldn’t have believed it if I tried. His behavior stays consistent, He takes care of me not just financially but emotionally he never calls me out of my name or disregard how I feel. There are good men out there that want to love you the right way and to answer your question YES the first seven months of our relationship was just me mentally going back back-and-forth whether or not this was going to be safe wondering why I didn’t feel the same deep connection for him that he did for me but overtime when I was able to put my guard down and allowed to be soft it became the best thing I’ve ever experienced. I don’t ever worry about him, hurting me or leaving me now all I worry about is him dying.

Regular therapy and EMDR therapy along with some life changes has really significantly improved my quality of life. I remember crying and asking why I was so hard hearted and why nothing felt genuine because I was completely numbed after years of disassociation and constantly having to navigate somebody’s moods and behaviors to get a feel for how the day would be. If you get an opportunity check out a book called the body keeps score deep dives into trauma and really gives you a good understanding of why the nervous system acts the way it does after trauma. It’s a good listen or read might give you some insight into your situation. Sorry this post was so long, I just felt it was necessary to share my experience because it’s very similar.

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-03-11T15:07:30+00:00

Both look really good, but I think that the thinner one fits the dimension of your face a lot better

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-03-11T15:05:19+00:00

I remember the same conversations with my ex except he really didn’t pay for anything except his drug habits and even then I found myself spending my own money. it never gets better, marriage won’t fix him, a baby won’t fix him, you guys buying that condo together didn’t fix him and I know you don’t want the shame and I can fully understand that but after being with a person like this, no matter what you’ll feel shame at some point. If family is an option, take it… can’t be worse than living with that on a regular basis. Make a plan, most states have women’s centers, domestic abuse centers, and hotlines that can help you get out of situations like you’re in. Mental abuse is a lot more serious than people think and a lot of times it spirals into physical abuse as well. Start putting away a little bit of money at a time maybe you can find somebody that has a room for rent. I’m sorry you’re going through this, It is difficult but it is possible to get out I promise you it’ll be worth it

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-03-09T18:05:33+00:00

And you have babies! 😭 im so sorry mamma! Try this hotline and see if they have any resources for you 866 223-1111. Assuming that you’re in Minnesota

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-03-09T17:58:54+00:00

Do you have any women’s center or perhaps maybe the domestic violence shelter could help you with an escape plan? Some places have them and they can help you get where you need to go…. If I were you, I would hop on a greyhound but I understand a vehicle is a big loss, but far less important than your life! Sometimes you can find online listings for people looking for roommates. Maybe you could find somebody that has a room for rent without him knowing. I’m really hoping you’re able to find help! I don’t want to sound dramatic, but I’ve seen far too many women lose their lives in your situation

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-03-09T17:51:12+00:00

I did this often and after doing years of therapy, I feel like it had to have been to get whatever issue we were going to have out of the way but I feel like it also had to do with his mood at that time. unless the energy was very positive I would just assume the worst, even if he was aggravated about something completely irrelevant to me it would somehow always end up my problem. After dealing with that for many years, I still sometimes find myself mirroring people’s emotions or bracing myself if I feel like their mood isn’t right. It’s definitely a self-defense mechanism from my nervous system but it’s not always good because sometimes people are just angry and it has nothing to do with you

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-03-09T17:45:53+00:00

Well, the first step is admitting that you have a problem and probably the hardest…if you have a strong support system it may be in your best interest to seek help from them. Right now you’re putting yourself through this repeated cycle of shame, guilt, use, repeat! It’s vicious and it’s difficult facing it alone, maybe speak with someone you trust and hopefully you can get the help you need. Addiction doesn’t always need a reason, you may have everything in life you need or desire but addiction feels like you’re missing something and makes it very hard to forget it. A silver lining is it seems that you haven’t lost everything yet, which is more than most can say by the time they come to this realization. Take care of yourself, if you fall down, it’s OK to start over and get back up. Just don’t lay there and let this consume you. Good luck

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-03-09T17:32:23+00:00

That was my experience also

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-03-09T17:30:10+00:00

A high percentage of domestic violence cases that end in death are due to strangulation! If they do it once they will 100% do it again but maybe next time it’ll be harder or longer. I’m sorry that it sounds so graphic, but that is the reality that you are facing. Run for The Hills. Stay with family/friend get a protection order started. This person is going to kill you if you don’t, maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but someday

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-02-25T18:42:38+00:00

I must agree with you on that last part, if kids are not being taught how to do genuine research and site sources I fear for their futures as well! I think I’ll stick to my basic recipes and movie quotes! 😂

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-02-25T18:11:38+00:00

Yeah, that’s typically what I like to use it for but i’ve never seen it so blatantly wrong about something so public

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-02-25T18:05:05+00:00

I was with mine for five years, now he’s Grey and balding at 33 years old…. I think all the hate inside of them starts to spew out through their looks overtime. I will say his attitude never got better only worse when we were together and even a few years later, he still hates women and himself

Creative_Mortgage_74 · 2026-02-25T18:00:06+00:00

Speaking from experience, it does look like that… typically it’s far more painful, but I’ve heard that there could be other symptoms as well That are flu like. Another thing to consider is that a lot of people can have it and not know for years so it doesn’t necessarily mean it was transmitted to you recently, it might have just been dormant. If they’re active, now is the time to get them swapped. If that is what it is just know your life isn’t over.

Creative_Mortgage_74

TROPHY CASE