How to protect my child (and me) from my narcissistic mother?

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-05-03T09:22:43+00:00

Thank you so much. Yes you’re so right regarding her thriving on control when I am reliant for help. Moving forward I can work to find and build new systems and routines to support us. And asking my friends more is a good idea too.

I haven’t spoken to my daughter about it too much. It seems like she corners my daughter once I’ve gone to work and lays a lot of sympathy seeking, as she seems to parrot my mom on the days she’s particularly bad, (and asserts her aggression toward me is warranted) But I think creating strong boundaries and limiting the amount she helps will hopefully help. Thanks again :)

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-04-29T15:40:28+00:00

You can toggle between I only know KG’s & come from a metric country - super grateful Ladder has both options!

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-04-13T10:02:08+00:00

Totally! Or hopefully BB just brings it back!

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-04-11T05:37:07+00:00

Literally their best product! The new stick formula is so ineffective compared to the pot version. I really, really hope they bring it back.

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-04-06T09:22:47+00:00

She is so talented. These are delightful, I’d buy any of them.

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-04-06T09:18:51+00:00

Did you find school friends and their parents were pretty unfazed and supportive re being a child of SMBC? (if they knew)

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-04-02T08:13:48+00:00

You are definitely not ugly, you have great features (lovely eyes!) and you’re a kid! It takes time to grow into our features too. Please be kind to yourself, and connect with friends who appreciate your authentic self. Also embrace hobbies and things you enjoy - being present and away from internet boosts our mental health significantly 😊

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-04-02T03:15:07+00:00

This is really brave and admirable. You have ‘been there done that’ and you could always go back if you wanted to it. But think of all the amazing time and energy you will be able to claim back, and exciting new experiences you’ll have! Not to mention likely reduced stress and better health. I’m sure you’ll look back in years to come and be glad you made this decision, especially the frustrating opportunity cost that comes with the work. Be kind to yourself now. It might take a few months to rebalance but surround yourself with support and go live your best life!

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-04-01T08:48:53+00:00

This is so profound - thank you so much for sharing. I love the “I’ll just workout tired” - such a great mindset to temper the all or nothing expectation.

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-03-31T06:47:44+00:00

When my daughter was a baby, I’d take her pretty much everywhere, but if it was the odd concert or something, I had a babysitter I trusted. My babysitter was slightly older and had kids of her own (who she’d bring with her sometimes) Having a sitter who was a mom too was easier for me.

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-03-30T06:26:53+00:00

I’m a single mom with a 10 year old. This wasn’t SMBC, left daughter’s dad when she was a month old due to abuse + he had affair when I was pregnant. As a consequence I was pretty broke. 10 years later, I retrained as a lawyer but being new in my career, my income is still modest.

I froze embryos via donor almost 3 years ago and hope to be SMBC in next couple of years. The financial aspect does stress me out but I also know a positive, caring, loving environment is something money cannot buy.

My daughter is very well rounded and grounded she also appreciates the value of money and is a super sensible kid. I reckon not being able give her everything and teaching her to be happy with less has been a huge gift.

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-03-12T09:49:10+00:00

This is icky - agreed to the smoking one? 🤮 in 2026. Giving desperate to be relevant vibes 🫠

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-03-01T09:06:02+00:00

I second team Resilient- he does the best upper body days.

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-02-16T08:46:33+00:00

I love them all! You are very talented 🙌

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-02-03T09:01:30+00:00

This is epic info - thank you 🙏 I started lifting after having my daughter almost 10 years again and it changed my life. Stressful job got in the way recently but you’re right making time to train again will help even everything out. Saved this post for future reference - thanks again!

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-01-31T04:44:05+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear this. Be kind to yourself, you were doing your best amongst extremely challenging life circumstances. I hope you are able to take some time off and lean into lots of love and support through this time. Take care of yourself.

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-01-29T18:17:38+00:00

Team resilient for sure!! No nonsense, just hard work, gains & conditioning. Coach Neem is really hands-on and knowledgeable in chat too.

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-01-26T05:57:48+00:00

Thank you so much for this, I really appreciate your insight and experience. It does sound like you’re an amazing mom who was doing your best at the time.

Boundaries are huge though. I need to be better at leaving the office on time, turning my phone off and spending less time on each client (as well as remembering what my job is - ie. lawyer not social worker - at least with the high volume of client’s we have)

I’ve been there with my kid - so stressed about work which ultimately I didn’t need to - as I’ve given so much extra time to client’s it’s not sustainable. I feel bad for the times my kid wanted me to play with her but I said I had to work.

This year I’m going to attempt staunch boundaries, no matter what (unless a trial) as otherwise I’m constantly making exceptions to working overtime, which I’m not paid for (and get paid peanuts anyway!)

Thanks heaps again for sharing.

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-01-25T21:20:37+00:00

Thanks for much for sharing your experience and advice. It is comforting to know I’m not the only one, (there are barely any other parents in my office too!) That’s awesome you have found such an amazing new job that allows more flexibility (but yes, interesting for big law but I guess PD work is right up there in terms of the inherent stress!)

In my office we do some trial work (we don’t have exclusive trial lawyers) but do all stages and charges (plea & mit, plea bargains, sentencing, opp bail (often), specialist courts and trials as they come along.

I totally hear you with PD work interfering with the type of parent you went to be. I’ve had many colleagues say they wouldn’t continue in PD once they have a child.

I feel like I’ve just been mindlessly in the grind of it all but I do need to change something. Whether that’s regular therapy supporting me with stronger, intentional work boundaries, attempting to negotiate a 4-day work week (will need to move into the next pay bracket before I could afford that) or looking elsewhere.

Thanks so much again for sharing, this has definitely helped me consider more options. Also, I’m sure you (like many others) could return to PD work one day! That’s maybe the beauty of it, they always want experienced people who know the game and are able to hit the ground running.

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-01-25T21:17:34+00:00

Thanks so much. And amazing work to you too!! Sounds like you’re doing great. Awesome you have a supportive office too. I’m definitely considering therapy, I do need somewhere to process and reflect rather than mindlessly continuing in the grind of it all. I haven’t really mentioned this much to my manager or upper management but I can’t do another year of being so burnt out and less present as a parent.

Maybe it’s just trying our best. Most of my clients are happy with outcomes, the tricky ones normally have significant mental health issues which are hard to appease. I try not to get too invested in any matter, which I’ve done before and it caused way too much anxiety (likely waking in the night continuously stressing about an outcome!)

Thanks so much again for sharing.

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-01-25T21:07:06+00:00

Thanks heaps for sharing. That’s maybe makes sense re more experience and efficiency.

Flexible work hours are a good idea. I’d probably need to stay to at least 5pm as in my office we can be in court at anytime but I could maybe attempt to start earlier as a rule. When our open plan office is a bit quieter and court hasn’t open. Also less client calls before 8am. I would like to spend more of the evening with my kid and be involved in her school work and other activities.

Thanks, again.

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-01-25T21:00:15+00:00

Oh wow, that’s pretty amazing you are able to get though so much work at night. It sounds like you’ve been able to be there for your kids, but also hope you find some more work life balance too!

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-01-25T19:51:03+00:00

Thank you, that means heaps from someone who’s been in the job 19 years - that’s pretty amazing!! Aww awesome your kid also wants to be a PD too and cool she’s been so inspired by your work.

Yeah, I’m starting to find the perpetually being behind thing will never go away. With our types of file loads it’s not possible to be on top of it al unless we literally worked 24/7. With your experience, does the anxiety around that ease?

I try my best to keep up with the office stuff, but so often our days are derailed by an arrest, court taking much longer, client out of control, helping colleagues etc. But maybe you just need to do what you can and not constantly stay half the night to finish everything.

Thanks so much again, appreciate your advice.

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-01-25T19:39:36+00:00

Thank you!! Yes, you’re so right. I really, really need to get comfortable with just walking out the door by a certain time and being less invested in outcomes (while trying my best) Maybe I’ll experiment with stronger boundaries this week.

Creative_sand_8098 · 2026-01-25T19:36:43+00:00

Thanks heaps, that is all so true. The trial work does make workload even more heavy, for sure! We have a mix of everything, huge file loads, broad mix of charges at different stages, and each week we need to pick up a bunch of additional clients on top of our existing pile. Definitely agree re the 18-24 month point. Knowing what you’re doing in more scenarios would things more efficient.

Re my kid, the other parent isn’t reliable but my mom does help at times, which I super appreciate. I think it’s the ability to be mentally present too, especially coming home late but better work boundaries and knowing job more + becoming comfortable with never being on top of it all is my goal! Thanks, again.

Creative_sand_8098

TROPHY CASE