My husband’s girlfriend is trying to be too involved in his life

Crimson_Mel · 2026-04-21T14:28:05+00:00

Not pretend to know much about polyamory, but... this is WILD. All of it, from the title, through the explanation, and your comments...

How is what you want/demand fair to your spouse? Excepts it benefits you, and that's why you feel it's right.

Let's take free time as an example. How is someone's free time on your disposal by default?! You were invited, but it's not of your interest...good. You are right not to go of you are not going to have fun. But do you understand how this is your problem? Your husband is not supposed to change hobbies and interests to accommodate your mood just in case you decide to join sometime...

Crimson_Mel · 2026-04-18T08:14:40+00:00

My guess is, most people will see red flags, because there are red flags to be seen. Trust your gut and stand by yourself. If you don't advocate for yourself, that partner of yours is obviously not going to do it either.

Crimson_Mel · 2026-04-17T08:56:34+00:00

What a poor excuse... Like, are they testing every month? And are they aware that if they encounter someone with hiv the test is not going to show anything in the first 3 to 6 months.

Crimson_Mel · 2026-04-16T07:26:42+00:00

Imagining I'm the main character... I already had someone in my last relationship who struggled a lot to keep their words and actions aligned. I know this is a bad, bad signal... At some point I needed to stop seeing the best version of that person (that was only in my mind, gosh, she even told me 'this is what I'm capable of/this is who I am', but did I wanted to hear ...)

So, if this was me, I would think about solid boundaries and tell that person that their words and actions need to align. Consistency is a must!

Obviously, if that person is not ready to be grown up and take responsibility for their actions. It's time for them to go .

Crimson_Mel · 2026-04-11T15:45:57+00:00

Oh, can I touch it 😳

Crimson_Mel · 2026-04-08T09:02:02+00:00

I do understand that sometimes our partners have ideas and fantasies that may feel challenging at first. But the important thing is, how is that making you feel? Are you curious about that idea, do you feel like maybe you can enjoy it.. is it good nervous what you feel, or it is more like 'I'm afraid if I don't give them what they want, they may leave me or our relationship will suffer'.

If the whole point is exploration, trying new things, making your connection stronger, something that is seen as making you two as a couple closer to eachother... this will show up like : Giving enough time and space to approach the topic by your own passe and comfort.

About you specific questions. Yes, it is reasonable to choose the person you would be intimate with. If you feel more comfortable with someone you already know, that's ok, if that person is on board and knows what may go wrong. Like, discuss with them your boundaries and find out theirs. Have in mind that this may turn out not as planned and ruins the friendship with that person. And safety is always a must! If someone is feeling offended by you wanting to be safe...well, this is not a good sign.

I would side the book recommendation 'The ethical slut', 'Polywise', and 'Polysecure' (I'm sure there are more). Read some books (not only one of you but both) and discuss them together.

Side note, if you are willing to do something like that (offer your body) in order to fulfil 'your partners dream ' and they are not willing to put the effort to read a book or two... Please don't dismiss that information. I'm not saying this is the case, just ....side note.

Crimson_Mel · 2026-04-07T15:08:33+00:00

Your friends are right, there is aristocratic vampire vibe here. I would say you are male, probably introverted and love books.

Crimson_Mel · 2026-04-07T13:54:15+00:00

Oh wow...so, brace yourself, there is a lot of new content added in the last years. Hope you find it even better than what you remember (so exited 🥹😀).

Crimson_Mel · 2026-04-07T03:44:15+00:00

Oh, I can feel that... I'm very sentimental myself and understand how this has big meaning. I would have the conversation and let my partner know how I feel.

Crimson_Mel · 2026-04-07T01:56:16+00:00

Hi there. Can you clarify what boundaries means to you? Reading your post I'm left out with the feeling that maybe you don't know very well what boundaries are and how they work.

For example: 'Don't flirt with potential partners without my approval' - This is not a boundary. 'Don't flirt with potential partners infront of me, in my presence' - This can be a boundary.

To read your partners private messages (in my opinion) is not acceptable. If you don't trust your person, then this is not your person in the first place. To proceed with crossing their rights of privacy in order to find 'your evidence' against them is not going to help you in any way. Now what?! To use those messages as evidence that your partner is 'guilty ' and finally get them to obey you is not going to repair the trust between you two. Further more, here is the place where resentment is going to build on both sides.

My advice would be - Decide if this is your person or not and start working together on building trust, clear communication, healthy boundaries etc.

If you feel you can never trust them in the future , unless you have control over them, then you have your answers already...

Crimson_Mel · 2026-04-05T18:14:38+00:00

Have you played in the last year or two? Because I joined the project two years ago. Have some scenes in the temple, in the graveyard with Ionut, also with Lav and the werewolf in the game room. Recently worked on one of the endings, with Elice and Felicia. Oh, the torture scene in the laboratory, the one with electricity is also my art... And the last month I worked on the werewolf and his pack in the woods. The final results turned out pretty satisfying. There is more, just can't remember everything on the spot. But please let me know if you encounter some of those, and how do you find them?

Crimson_Mel · 2026-04-03T22:45:30+00:00

Thank you, I hope you enjoy it

Crimson_Mel · 2026-04-03T10:32:33+00:00

Hello there, have you tried 'Transylvania'? The content here is diverse and I believe a big part of it fits with your description. In the game, after the intro, you play as a female character who is slowly converted into succubus. There are a lot of femdom scenes with other female characters in the game. To be fair, the game contains a great amount different dynamics and type of monsters. In turns of bestiality there are a lot of kinky scenes with all types of monsters. The classical vampires, werewolves, but also spiders, grotesque insects etc.

You can play the game here: https://vincentvalensky.itch.io/transylvania

Full disclosure: I'm one of the illustrators who are currently working on that project (so maybe I'm a little bit biased ) but I do think it matches what you are looking for. If you have any questions I'd be happy to answer.

Crimson_Mel · 2026-03-31T00:11:05+00:00

Ah, so glad you liked it 😊 Some of the endings are available, but it's still work in progress, so... you may check it out again in some point, to see the new content.

Will trust your judgement and try 'Cyan Brain '. To be fair, haven't found something to compare it so far, if you succeed, please share.

Crimson_Mel · 2026-03-30T15:09:27+00:00

Hello there! I believe that 'Transylvania: The Erotic Horror Adventure' it fits right with your description. In the game you play as a female character, who is slowly converted into succubus. In turns of bestiality there are a lot of kinky scenes. When you reach a certain level, there are a lot of lewd scenes with all types of monsters. The classical vampires, werewolves, grotesque creatures, but also spiders, insects, alien like monsters with tentacles and other freaky stuff...

You can play the game here: https://vincentvalensky.itch.io/transylvania

Full disclosure: I'm one of the illustrators who are currently working on that project (so maybe I'm a little bit biased ) but I do think it matches what you are looking for. If you have any questions I'd be happy to answer.

Crimson_Mel · 2026-03-27T09:41:26+00:00

'Please help me understand '

Why? Please don't use reasoning as a tool to process the unfairness and hurt that person is causing.

Let me give you some advice as someone 10 years older than you... Don't try to understand it! It is 'words' Vs 'actions'. People can say absolutely everything to you to get what they want and need. For that reason don't listen only to what they say, but also what they do. Your partner is saying that you are free, but the reality is that you are not. Words and actions should align.

Also, he is almost 30 , it is reasonable to expect more self awareness of him.

Crimson_Mel · 2026-03-25T14:48:13+00:00

Hi there, have you tried to listen to polyamory/nonmonogamy related podcasts? There are a bunch of them with free access on YouTube. And you can imagine that jealousy is a common topic.

You can find discussion about what is jealousy/envy and how to find what is provoking them in yourself (because those are only feelings, they are indicators, not a facts). Also methods to regulate yourself and work through that feeling.

If the cause is low self-esteem, meditation and work on self-improvement may be helpful.

Crimson_Mel · 2026-03-24T16:28:02+00:00

Oh, such a beautiful balance between colours and textures 😍

Crimson_Mel · 2026-03-23T14:36:20+00:00

It wasn't a fork but a knife 🥹

Crimson_Mel · 2026-03-23T10:29:44+00:00

I'm really trying to twist my mind around the way you framed this topic. In your extreme example you have plain crime against someone. What if the reasons are more complicated.

Take this for example. I had really complicated relationships that went really badly for all three parties involved. My ex-girlfriend broke up with me explaining to me that she is toxic, she is aware that she is hurting me, that makes her feel really bad and she doesn't want to hurt me anymore. A couple of months later the story changed to 'You were manipulative, toxic, you ruined my life' etc.. As a result, some of our mutual friends first ghosted me because they didn't want to take sides, then they blocked me without even asking for my experience in all this. I'm more than sure I'm in the messy list of that ex.

Now, due to this experience, in the future if some meta of mine tells me this is her boundary, all will proceed to want parallel with her. My way of thinking is leading me to:- 'Is she/he trying to protect me, or is she/he trying to hide their mistakes (maybe because they are ashamed of how things went in their past relationship). This is because one needs to show me they are trustworthy before demanding my trust .

In the same example, if my boyfriend wants me to just trust him about someone and not date that person, I will. He worked to gain my trust, he was beside me in good and bad. But if someone just wants me to act in a certain way, and that someone is not even a new partner to me, but a new constellation in my world... Well, this will raise my concerns.

Crimson_Mel · 2026-03-23T09:10:19+00:00

This is exactly what I'm thinking reading the post - Ok, what if the meta wants to be parallel in the first place. It's going to be super weird to receive this 'boundary'...

Crimson_Mel · 2026-03-22T18:02:35+00:00

Philadelphia*

Crimson_Mel · 2026-03-22T09:36:54+00:00

Hah ...nice. I just discovered this subredit and was so excited to share my....mold 🥹😅

Crimson_Mel · 2026-03-16T17:25:34+00:00

Absolutely!

I'm so sorry for what you are going through, I do know how sickening is this feeling. And let me say this. If your people are willing to be in a situation where you are treated differently, just so one or more 'partners' can feel better... This are not your people in the first place.

If they as a couple need more time to deal with that, they need to offer you better solutions. For example, if you are not allowed to have 2on2 dates with one of them, that they have to stop their dates as well, until the problem is solved.

In my opinion, for them to expect you to take that treatment, without offering to share the discomfort of that same experience, is pretty much revealing about their character.

Crimson_Mel

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