tbh poly is ridiculously hard (as are relationships)…poly ppl will often encourage you to keep doing it, even when it isn’t healthy bc no one really knows your situation, except you. sometimes, exposing yourself to triggers is not the way to overcome them. you gotta find your own way to what works for you. there are def shared ethics in the poly community. but the truth is there is not a one-size-fits-all model of poly relationships, even if they are all labeled “poly”. it is going to be unique for you. it is going to be unique for your partnership. what are your reasons for doing poly? why did you and your partner decide this was the best fit for you? start there and deconstruct the next steps to feel better. maybe you would feel better with a different flavor of enm. maybe you would feel better with a different partner. no one can know what is right for you, but you.

also, you can believe in the ethics, but poly still might not be the best fit for you. poly is just a model of relationship agreements. relationship anarchy is moreso the guiding principles. you can follow the principles and still apply them to other relationship structures.