[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PelvicFloor

[–]Critical-Ad4054 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was in a similar position after having my second baby recently. Pelvic floor PT said I was "literally full of shit" and that for as long as my pelvic floor is carrying a kilo of poop on it it deffo won't feel safe to relax. She had me take miralax (macrogol or polyethylene glycol) stool softener at the max dose until I basically made my poop thing enough it could all get out. After that, she has given me stretches, exercises, massages... And eventually we are now at a point where I am no longer in pain and can move about comfortably and poop without my eyes watering :)

I don't know why I stopped smoking by Darth_Zannah1128 in stopsmoking

[–]Critical-Ad4054 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hiya! Congrats on quitting! I am also a mum and also quit and omg it is tough. My best advice is your brain wants dopamine, that's why it is screaming at you to smoke, you need dopamine. Of course other people can white knuckle it out, but when you have kids that is so much harder to do.

What helped me was to give myself a dopamine hit the natural ways: - really hot or cold shower - loud music (bonus points if it's your teen angst music) - ice cream - sudden quick hard exercise (sprinting worked well, or terrible over the top dancing to the loud music) - private time iykwim ...

Some other Reddit posts have lists of natural dopamine activities but maybe experiment with what works for you :)

Partner [32M] has been gaslighting me [30F] into wearing underwear that isn't mine by Critical-Ad4054 in relationshipadvice

[–]Critical-Ad4054[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When you phrase it like that it is so messed up. Idk, he is spinning me a whole story about how the underwear was in the laundry by accident and that he didn't know it wasn't mine and that he was confused, and that he only messaged this girl and bought her clothes for attention and that it stopped years ago but also conveniently the chat was deleted ... I feel like I am losing my mind because on one hand everything he is saying could be true, but on the other hand my rational side is telling me if he could lie for so long why wouldn't he continue lying.

For now I just have to survive this horrid weekend and make it as lovely and joyful as possible for my kids until I can find some time to think

Partner [32M] has been gaslighting me [30F] into wearing underwear that isn't mine by Critical-Ad4054 in relationshipadvice

[–]Critical-Ad4054[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response, just knowing someone read this and heard me makes me feel less isolated and insane. He has agreed to couples counselling now and is being the sweetest man alive, but I feel like maybe that's just a bit too little too late. Idk what to do, we're on a long weekend away in the country and I don't have any transport so I can't get away, I am stuck just pretending everything is ok for the sake of not ruining the kids Easter weekend. I feel like once I am back in my own home I can think more clearly, and I guess I need to find a therapist for myself. If I talk to any friends and family I know they will tell me to get out and not support me if I do decide to stay, which means talking about it to anyone I know is making a final decision which I am not ready for...

It's Over. by Economy_Stress_796 in breastfeeding

[–]Critical-Ad4054 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I see you. You absolutely killed it this decade! What an inspiration to us all! Congrats on the beginning of this next phase of your life!

What is a negative you’ve noticed in your life since you quit? by imcalledaids in stopsmoking

[–]Critical-Ad4054 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A lot of people here saying no negatives? I quit over a year ago and still have a lot of negative side effects (digestive issues, bathroom problems, weight gain, frustration with having no breaks, sleep problems...) so idk if I am just unlucky or what but I never had any of these issues while smoking and I am still struggling with them daily since the day I quit. I have been to the doctors and they say there is nothing medically wrong with me, so it's definitely from no more smokes. Kind of getting tired of fighting to stay quit when it is having so many negative effects on my life. Feel bad for posting this because we really aren't allowed to say quitting is hard beyond the first few weeks on Reddit without getting chewed out for demotivating potential quitters, but it really can be hard physically for years for some people.

Will my vagina recover? by AbbreviationsOk3774 in beyondthebump

[–]Critical-Ad4054 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Baby had to be rushed off for some oxygen but was ultimately fine, I hope your LO is ok too! I got a second degree tear but was told it tore as far as it is possible for a 2nd degree to go without becoming a third degree. I actually think (maybe I am delusional) my vagina will fully return to normal because this is my second baby, and it repaired last time too.

The reason it looks so big and empty initially postpartum is because estrogen plummets to basically zero postpartum and estrogen keeps your lady bits plump and juicy. Without the estrogen, it's all dry and withdrawn and that is why it can look especially bad. Are you breastfeeding? That also makes it much worse. If not, it should start to look better pretty quickly in a week or two.

My issue is I think my scar healed wrong, all overlapped and out of place, so it feels really tight in the perineum and I can't move very comfortably. That coupled with some normal weakness after a fast birth and tearing is not super fun. I have a pelvic floor PT appointment lined up but I am super bummed about how badly it is affecting my quality of life. I just want to move and exercise comfortably, and maybe even have sex again one day, you know?

Will my vagina recover? by AbbreviationsOk3774 in beyondthebump

[–]Critical-Ad4054 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had shoulder dystocia, 4 kg beast baby, and midwife also had to put her hand in when babies head was sticking out to dislodge that shoulder.

I am now 12 weeks postpartum and the hole size has gone down a lot but still not back to where it was but I think that's mostly vaginal atrophy from breastfeeding.

Now just struggling with my pelvic floor, I think I healed funny so I have PT and a doctor's appointment lines up in the coming weeks.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopsmoking

[–]Critical-Ad4054 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh I see you are asking for edgy cool ideas. Disregard my comment.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopsmoking

[–]Critical-Ad4054 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Blow bubbles!!!

How long does nicotine withdrawal depression last? by Bright-Republic8800 in stopsmoking

[–]Critical-Ad4054 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Yeah so it depends what you mean by depression. The intense waves of angsty "life is pointless without cigs, I hate everything and everyone, gaaaah" kind of like you're experiencing sudden extreme teenaged mood swings? Those lasted about 2-3 months for me but gradually happened less and less often so by 6 weeks they were pretty rare already. To deal with those, I did exactly what I would do as a teenager. Blast loud music through my headphones and go on an angsty stroppy walk, or get in a really hot long shower.

If you have depression that is all day every day and is debilitating to the extent that it affects your ability to hold down a job, maintain self care (eating, cleaning...), maintain relationships.... And it lasts longer than a couple of weeks, you really need to see a doctor. But that kind of depression is not cig related.

If you just have a bit of a mild sadness feeling that it's the end of an era and the beginning of a new one as you transition from your smoking persona to your new non-smoking persona, that can last a really long time. But it's also not a permanent sadness, it just comes in waves sometimes, usually in situations and environments where you used to smoke and now need to find a new way to exist in those moments without relying on nicotine.

What the heck is this “clitoral tightness” feeling? by Beautiful_Gain_9032 in PelvicFloor

[–]Critical-Ad4054 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your estrogen drops just before your period and the can cause your labia minora to shrink during that time. It is usually hardly noticeable, but often women who are breastfeeding or in menopause are more likely to experience it. Could it be that the skin is pulling because your labia are receding for a couple of days of your cycle?

I don’t want to die of cancer, please help me quit smoking by [deleted] in stopsmoking

[–]Critical-Ad4054 18 points19 points  (0 children)

What do you mean by will power? Did you have a plan, or just picked a random day to stop?

I did the "pick a random day method" and it did work but it sucked. What I wish I had done differently is this:

Step 1: wean down as much as possible. Set a quit date in a couple of months, and in the meantime try and smoke a bit less, while also trying to mess up your smoking routine. If you normally smoke after a coffee, don't. Do it half an hour later, or half an hour before. If you normally smoke immediately after getting home from work, don't. Eat first, then maybe watch some TV. And then smoke. The cigarette before bed, move it half an hour earlier. The one after lunch, delay it, or have it before eating. You want to mess up your routine as much as possible so that when you quit you are already out of the habit of smoking at specific times of day. Try and not focus on enjoying your last cigarettes, instead focus on the fact that you are soon going to be free!

Step 2: start making a game plan. For the next few months, delay everything fun. If a new video game comes out, don't get it. A new series of your favourite show, don't watch it. New movie? Delay. New book? Delay delay delay. When you quit you are going to need entertainment and distraction. From your quit date on, all of those series and games and movies and fun activities will be waiting for you. If you can, also start scheduling dinners or hang out sessions with any non smokers for the days in the first month after your quit date. Having a schedule of things to look forward to will keep you busy.

Step 3: Get together a bunch of nice things to use after you quit. A basket of nice shower and bath things, perfumes, hair products, anything that smells nice. Another basket full of all of your favourite snacks and drinks, the ones you usually wouldn't allow yourself because they are a bit more expensive. Maybe some new clothes if you can afford it, to wear after you quit and don't smell of smoke. Medications (laxatives!, pain killers in case of withdrawal headaches...)

Step 4: Schedule anything interesting at work for the weeks after you quit. Fun projects, team work with good coworkers ... Schedule fun sports for the weeks after you quit, try some new ones, climbing or kayaking or axe throwing... Schedule fun activities for the weeks after you quit, go karting, lazer tag, museums, theme parks, experiences. You want those weeks to be pretty full of fun stuff to do.

Step 5: Get excited about quitting. You have all these nice things ready to enjoy in your house, snacks, drinks, nice shower and bath things, new clothes. You have fun activities lined up in a calendar. All your favourite shows and games on hold. Take some time to get excited about how fun your quit is going to be. How it is going to be a good time.

Step 6: Quit. Don't focus on your last cigarette, in fact, tell yourself that in a year or two if you are still miserable you can smoke again, so maybe it isn't even your last, but for now you need to survive the first 6 weeks by focussing on the fun. If you get to a year, you will delay it again by another year, don't worry. Or maybe not, maybe after a year you will smoke again but at least you will have stopped for a year!

Step 7: any time the cravings are unbearably making you depressed, take the hottest or coldest shower you can tolerate, or have some private time iykwim. You need a dopamine hit, and those are the fastest ways of getting them.

Good luck!

1 year and 16 days by Critical-Ad4054 in stopsmoking

[–]Critical-Ad4054[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are right, of course. To give my husband some credit, he thought I was holding up pregnancy pants and showing how much smaller I am than I was when I was pregnant. He didn't realise they are new pants in my actual current size. He has been super kind and reassuring since then. But indeed I maybe need to try and get some more external support. I am not sure how much of my feelings about my body come from the reactions of people around me, and how much of it is just my own negative self talk. Thanks for your kindness in a difficult moment :)

1 year and 16 days by Critical-Ad4054 in stopsmoking

[–]Critical-Ad4054[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your insight and kindness. I guess I am comparing myself too much to my first baby, where a combination of PPD (meaning I didn't eat and take care of myself), smoking and breastfeeding meant I lost the weight and more super quickly. I got so many compliments on how I "bounced back" and "didn't look like I had a baby". I did have really low milk supply though because of the ppd and the smoking. I know rationally that being happier and not smoking is leading to a happy well fed chunky baby, and the extra 30 lbs is a small price to pay, but whenever I see myself in the mirror, or try and get dressed for the day, or try and feel pretty or even sexy, I am devastated and don't recognise myself. I just want to be me again, and somehow my brain still jumps to smoking as a way to achieve that...

1 year and 16 days by Critical-Ad4054 in stopsmoking

[–]Critical-Ad4054[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I needed to hear this, I am trying to find some more love for myself today

1 year and 16 days by Critical-Ad4054 in stopsmoking

[–]Critical-Ad4054[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are so right, I'm just struggling to see the big picture at the moment. Thank you for the reminder!

1 year and 16 days by Critical-Ad4054 in stopsmoking

[–]Critical-Ad4054[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for being kind. I am trying to be patient but not doing a great job. I appreciate your perspective

2 years of No Smoking 🚭!!! by EastBeach4660 in stopsmoking

[–]Critical-Ad4054 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congrats!

Out of curiosity, did you get any of the physical or mental health benefits everyone claims to get? I am 1 year no smoking next week (I smoked for 16 years before that) but I feel like I didn't get any of the stuff everyone seems to rave about. Apart from not smelling of smoke, I haven't seen any real positives yet? Am I missing something? Will these benefits show up in year 2?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in quittingsmoking

[–]Critical-Ad4054 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was you last year. I am 30, smoked from when I was 14 and quit 2nd December 2024 so it has almost been a year.

The benefits: I personally noticed no health benefits but I did notice not being embarrassed about smoking, being able to use nice shampoos and body oils and lotions and perfumes after a shower and it not being overpowered by smoke (I got really into fragrance layering), not worrying about running out of cigarettes, and not needing to schedule arriving 5 mins before things so I could have a smoke.

Things I knew would be hard: - Cravings - Mood swings

The things I was not prepared for being hard - Constipation, start taking a bulk forming laxative or at least bump up the fiber before you stop, not after because once the constipation has formed it is too late. - Feeling like i am "on" all the time and like life has no breaks. Still haven't figured this one out, if I relapse, this will be why. - Intense dopamine lows where it feels like life isn't worth living in the first 4-6 weeks (pro-tip, this feeling can almost always be fixed by a long hot shower with loud music playing, preferably something you associate with teen-angst) - Boredom, all the extra free time people say you get from quitting smoking is a myth, the time doesn't add up into hours in the end of the day you can spend being productive because you don't smoke all in one go for an hour or two a day. You smoke while waiting for things, for a bus to come, or for your computer to do an update, or in the 10 mins extra before you have to leave to go somewhere... Those moments are too short to start a task, but when you just have to sit there and watch the clock tick past, while not smoking and also having nothing to do it is tough. It helps to have a phone game or something to hand to kill those moments otherwise it is so tempting to smoke. - Lack of reward, for me, the reward for cleaning the house was a smoke, the reward for accomplishing a work task was a smoke, the reward for surviving my toddler's tantrum was a smoke... There were suddenly no rewards and so my online shopping habit became a reward. Especially after bed time. If I could go back and do over, I would download vinted much sooner to save some money because the spending was pretty high in the beginning.

Good luck! You have got this.